Unseen
by Pokiepup
Summary: All of those unseen moments told from Paige's POV from 3X08 and on. Updated 2/6/13
1. Just A Dream

A.N. Okay guys this is my first attempt at something other then Lost Girl so I'm sorry if it sucks. It's an idea that has been bouncing around for two weeks now. It can be left as a one shot but had an idea to kinda fill in the blank time since last Ep. Hanna said it's been a couple days. I don't know all depends if anyone likes and thinks I should keep going. Hope you enjoy.

Pokiepup

**Just A Dream**

"Don't look away," she says in a rare mixture of vulnerability and dominance that makes my heart skip a beat before going into over drive as the realization that her palm is cupping my cheek, her finger tips lightly touching the back of my neck sending chills down my spine. I can't help but swallow as I find myself staring into her eyes. And suddenly the butterflies in my stomach are going crazy when I realize shes leaning in.

Of course I thought about this moment a million times over but no amount of fantasizing could ever prepare me. In reality this was the fifth time we had kissed but there was something about kissing her that made it feel like the first time every time. Her lips meet mine and all I can think is I'm kissing Emily. I'm Kissing Emily! Not in the surprise I'm kissing you like our first, or second kiss. Not in a I'm kissing you after going on a fake date cause I'm a chicken way. And not I'm kissing you in a I know your drunk but I want you so I'm going to be selfish type of way. This is an actual your kissing me and I'm kissing you back.

The kiss is slow and tender yet with a hint of need behind it. As my mind starts to get past the actual fact that I'm kissing her I feel her starting to pull back and despite the disappointment that washed over me, had my body not reacted for me I would have let her go but thankfully my body had a mind of it's own as I leaned in my lips staying on her's as I gently guide her hand back up to my face deepening the kiss. After a few blissful moments she pulls away slowly opening her eyes to meet mine.

I keep quiet and still afraid to move. Scared this will all be a dream and if I move, if I say something. Say anything then I'll wake up. Scared that if this isn't a dream shes regretting this. I can feel my body tense and I assume she notices since she pulls her arms that were resting on my shoulders back slightly till her hands are behind my neck, her fingers intertwined with the exception of her thumbs that are resting on my jaw bone. A small smile coming over her overly kissable lips. She starts to lean in again only this time she stops just centimeters before her lips meet mine. I'm not sure if shes debating stopping or if shes waiting for me. I inhale sharply before closing the distance.

This kiss started the same as the previous one. It was slow, tender, and sweet everything a kiss with Emily Fields always was. But at some point and I'm honestly not completely sure if it was me or her but it deepened further then any kiss we have had before. Deeper then any kiss I've ever had before in fact.

Her hands slid slowly down my arms till they met my wrists before they jumped over to my hips as she pulled me closer to her body. The once quick, multiple kisses turned to deeper lingering ones until she took my bottom lip between her's sucking softly. Nipping ever so gently but it was enough to make my lips part giving her the entrance she desired. Her hands slid behind me, skillfully sneaking just under the hem of my top before they met at the small of my back. I can feel my cheeks pinken as I moan softly into her mouth. I'm not sure if it's her at her soft touch or her daring kiss or at the fact she just heard me moan. Probably all of the above. But she seems to take pleasure in it as she pulls me closer to herself as her beyond skillful tongue is playfully dueling with mine.

Getting caught up in the moment my own hands find their way to her waist pulling her body to mine only unlike her I hold her here keeping the contact and this time it's her turn to let out a moan while her hands slide up to the middle of my back. I can tell shes surprised that I'm taking charge but since shes not pulling away I take it as a good sign. The kiss is less and less playful as it deepens. The two of us in a passionate battle for dominance something that would normally I'm sure ruin a kiss but for us it was amazing. Breathtaking even.

After what seems like an eternity and yet no where long enough we slowly pull apart breathless. Neither of us say any thing as her touch slowly retreats as does mine. She takes a step back and she looks serious for a moment. It was only a moment but it was enough to make reality come back to me as my mind cleared realizing everything that had just happened. Everything that was just said and it feels like I'm spinning. I can feel the tops of my cheeks begin to heat and I'm sure their pink now so I instinctively take a couple steps away from her. We're both silent and I'm sure it's for different reasons. Everything between us always seems to be for different reasons.

"So,"

"So." she repeats with a playful smile.

"Wh-what now?" I feel so stupid asking but it seemed like a better idea then just staring creepily at her in silence although now that probably would have been the better option.

"Hm," she lets out biting her bottom lip and every clear thought I had fly's right out of my head and all I can think about is kissing her again. I swallow hard trying to gain composer I don't need her thinking I'm a crazy pervert. After everything I'm really amazed she doesn't think that already. Thank God for small miracles.

She keeps her innocent smile as she takes another three steps back. Keeping her eyes locked with mine she steps out of her shoes before sliding off her jacket. And then her small hoodie. And then she does the most unexpected thing of the night as she wearily pulls off her shirt. If it were possible I'm sure my eyes would have popped right out of my head. She lets out a barely audible chuckle as she looks down and starts undoing the top button of her pants.

"Ah, wa-what are you doing?" I ask sheepishly as I drop my gaze to the ground staring at my shoes.

"Wouldn't you like to know." her words accompanied by a small laugh.

"Yep. Yep." I repeat nervously as my eyes slowly make their way from my shoes over the concrete to the pile of her discarded shoes and pants. I feel my heart start to race as I start to put two and two together. Emily's pants are on the ground therefore she is no longer wear pants. I inhale sharply as my eyes move up just a little more until they find perfectly toned, tanned calfs. I know I shouldn't. I do really. But I can't help it. My eyes continue on their journey until they reach the middle of her thighs and I tear my eyes away focusing back on my shoes. "Would definitely like to know." I roll my eyes at myself.

"How long has it been since we went swimming together?" she asks with a more serious tone that I look up seeing if shes actually waiting for an answer. I use every ounce of self control to keep my eyes on her face.

"Um," what was it about this woman that made me lose control of every single thought I have. "A while." I force out. It sounds right but then again it could have just been ten minuets ago and that would have been my answer since my mind like my eyes began to wander.

"Exactly." her words bring me back to reality, my eyes shooting back up to find her with an eyebrow raised and a smirk over her lips as she walks toward me a bit more seductively then she normally walks. She pauses as she reaches me and I feel my body go still as she leans in giving me a quick peck before disappearing beneath the water. "Are you coming?" she asks when she finally emerges. All I can do is nod and force a smile as I ready to dive. "Paige?"

"Yeah?"

"I understand if you want to keep your shirt and pants but you could lose your shoes." I stare at her for a moment. I hear her, I even process what shes said but between trying to keep G thoughts in my head and trying to come up with something clever to say I find myself looking like a dumb-dumb yet again. So instead of making it worse I just sheepishly nod and I kick them off. I watch as she is aimlessly swimming around and I debate losing some of my clothes.

I could lose the shirt after all I did have a sports bra on but then it would look funny a sports bra and pants. I could lose my pants and keep the shirt but then that would seem like I'm hiding something and well okay maybe I was but I didn't want to make it obvious. Hm. I could be daring and go down to bra and underwear. I am wearing girl briefs and that is kinda like shorts. Very tight, very short shorts. Hm. Okay maybe I'll just stay dressed. I am home after all. Shaking the thoughts out of my head I dive in.

"Finally." I hear as I come up finding Emily floating in front of me with her thousand watt smile. "Thought you were gonna be that creepy kid from home room that use to sit and watch us swim every event."

"Hey! It's not his fault your memorizing." her playful smile turns to genuine one and for the first time tonight shes the nervous one. "If you didn't want people to stare at you, you shouldn't be so beautiful." I extend my leg slightly running my foot over her's as she starts to blush.

"I bet you tell that to all the girls you get in your pool."

"No," my lips turn into a smirk as I kick backward. "not all of them."

"Aw!" she let out dropping her jaw which only made me laugh more as I swam away from her. I knew there was no way I'd get away from her. She was a better swimmer, always has been. But she lets me think I can get away as I making it to the far end a good ten seconds before she meets me.

The time flew by as we swam. We had played around a bit before it turned into lazy laps. We didn't speak. We didn't need to. Everything was perfect just how it was. It was sweet and romantic while still being daring and sexy. It was so easy with her. At least at moments like this where it was just the two of us and the rest of the world was a million miles away. I can't be sure how long we were out here for but it was long enough to tire us both out just neither wanted to be the first to say. I could tell every time she started to tire. She would always start to drift to the right.

But just like everything that happened tonight she took the first step as she reach the ledge only this time she didn't double back, or smile warmly and wait for me. No this time she pulled herself out and walked to her pile of clothes.

"Everything okay?" I ask while pulling myself out of the pool. She has her back to me, standing still looking down and either shes put herself in a time out or shes checking her phone.

"Yeah." she says hesitantly as she turns around to face me. "i um," she trails off and I don't know why. Maybe the disappointment in my face as I realize shes leaving. Maybe the text was from Mr. I'm-So-Perfect-Nate and she didn't wanna tell me. Maybe something happened. "Do you have a towel?"

'Yeah. In the house." I say pointlessly pointing at my house. "I'll go get it. It'll be a minute though I have to get one from my bathroom. My mom is very odd about her towels. And her soaps and well everything." I ramble to a deeply concentrated woman who I'm sure is not even paying attention to me. "Be right back." I let out yet again pointlessly as I make my way to the house and in through the kitchen.

"You know leaving a half naked woman outside in the middle of the night in Rosewood is not very safe." I jump at the sound of her voice as I reach the stairs. Looking over my shoulder I see her smiling as her arms are now folded over her stomach half in the fact that shes cold and half at the fact shes not feeling so ballsy any more.

"How inconsiderate of me." I tease as I start up the stairs with her in toe.

"It is very. I could be kidnapped. I could be mauled by a bear. I could run into Megan Fox and have her sweep me off my feet." I scoff at the last one. I know she is just goofing and from her tone flirting but the thought of her and someone else. Anyone else never sits well with me. She stays quiet a moment as we reach the top of the stairs. I turn forcing a smile before opening my door. "It's not a good girlfriend quality."

"What?" I asked actually confused as I go and pull my pre-ready towel off my bed.

"Leaving me out there all vulnerable and alone."

"Hm. Well I did only have one girlfriend before and it was a VERY short relationship so I don't have all the rules down yet." I say as I hand her the towel trying to joke but my tone is serious. I know I'm being a baby about the comment but then again I never said I wasn't a possessive person.

"Well rule number one is never leave your half naked girlfriend alone anywhere." she wraps the fuzzy, pink material over her shoulders that falls just short of the middle of her thighs. "Rule number two? Often when your girlfriend makes a comment about someone else they wanna see how you react." she takes a step closer to me and had I not still been irritated I would have been back in full panic mode.

"I thought rule number one to having a girlfriend was not to cheat?" I raise an eyebrow as I sit on the edge of my bed while she moves in front of me now playfully scowling. "And rule number two was not to lie?"

"Well those are the obvious ones."

"Ah! So there are obvious rules and non-obvious ones?"

"Yes."

"This sounds like a lot of work to have a girlfriend."

"Oh it is." she chuckled out as she took another step into me now her towel covered belly pressing lightly against my closed knees.

"Hm. I think I may need to go back to having boyfriends. They're so much simpler."

"They are," she pauses and I can swear I see a twinge of jealousy cross her face. Ha! Serves her right. "but," she pauses again as she drops the towel before she runs her hands up to the top of my knees, griping tightly as she pushes them apart so she can get closer to me. Shes looking down at me now with an expression I have never seen before. "they can't do this."

She slides her hands past my arms and rests them on my waist while leaning down running the tip of her tongue over my bottom lip before nipping playfully. And then for the second time tonight she pulls me into a passionate, earth shattering kiss. It's a few minutes before she pulls away.

"Actually I think they can," I continue on my childish play but now it's only playful as the only thought I have is having her lips on mine again.

"True. But they can't make you feel like I do." her words are so serious. So self-assured and well she had every right to be. She was right for more then one reason. She falls silent again

but this time she grabs the bottom of my shirt and pulls it up giving me no choice but to raise my arms. My heart is pounding harder then any running or swimming has ever done to me. But I don't have time to think about that or about how I am now shirtless in front of her something I was hoping if it would ever happen would be in the dark. I didn't even have time to realize she had scooted me further back onto the bed and she was now having to lean in to kiss me.

I can feel my stomach turning. My cheeks burning. My whole body burning for that matter but for two completely different reasons. We stay like this for a few more minuets before I some how find myself sliding back onto my bed and shes maneuvering herself over me. She brakes this kiss and I'm not exactly sure how I should feel about that. Shes looking down at me with dark eyes and her face is still something I've never seen before. It's scary and exciting all at the same time. Sure I've had dreams. Daydreams. Fantasy's. Thoughts. And half of them would be ideas like this. And half of that half would go further then this. Go all the way. But again no amount of fantasizing prepared me for this. Not at all.

She leans down kissing the top of my jaw before her lips rest over my ear and she whispers so softly, so gently I honestly don't know how to take it. Or even if I heard it and it wasn't just my mind mixing fantasy with reality. 'you can touch me Paige.' My body is still for a moment as she pulls back up and looks down at me as if I should know what to do. Taking a deep breath I reach up entwining my arms around her neck pulling her down into what I could only describe as a kiss that threw cation to the wind. It was deep and probing as I slowly explored the wonderfully known yet all at the same time new territory.

She moans into my mouth at first it was soft and almost innocent but as the kiss went on and my hands ran freely up and down her back while she rested the lower half of her weight from the stomach down over me it quickly went from soft and innocent to something I wasn't ready for. Despite my better judgment I kept the kiss going my hands having a mind of their own until they slid down to the starting curve of her ass and the soaking wet material that I quickly remembered was her underwear.

I pulled back pushing my head into the mattress. Breathlessly I closed my eyes dropping my hands to my sides. Taking not one or two but four deep breaths before opening my eyes to find her's staring back at me. My stomach now doing cartwheels for multiple reasons.

"I—Emily we-you-i-" I'm not sure what exactly I was saying but it was enough for her to jump off of me and grab the towel all in one swift movement. "I'm sorry-"

"No. No. I am." she let of softly shaking her head as she refused to look at me. "I should go."

"Em wait." I hop off the bed trying not to focus on the fact I'm shirtless as I reach out grabbing her free wrist lightly. "I—i want to. BELIEVE me. But I—i always thought that when...if we ever then it would be...I don't know different?" I shake my head realizing I'm borderline mumbling. "If you can tell me that this isn't about proving something. To yourself. To me. Then we can. And I will be happy, beyond happy. But I don't want our first time to be because your trying to prove to yourself that your," I pause trying to think of the most delicate way to say this. "That your ready. And I don't want you to do it to prove to me that you want me."

"I feel so stupid." she huffed out as she walked back to my bed sitting down on the edge making me follow. "I keep messing things up."

"I think that's me."

"You haven't messed anything up." she says so firmly it makes me look up to face her. "You haven't. Tonight was amazing. The swimming and the kissing and being with you." she reaches out cupping my check. "Not all of what just happened was about proving a point. Part of it was just really wanting you."

"Ha."

"Hey! Don't blame me. Your beautiful and an amazing kisser. It's a dangerous combo." I have to look away as I feel myself getting beyond nervous. Being under her gaze while she calls me beautiful and an amazing kisser is way to much for this swimmer to take.

"Y-you could stay. If you wanted to. I mean you don't have to it's just late and I don't want you to get mauled by a bear or something." I say shyly and had she not reached over and took my hand in her's I would have tried to back pedaled.

"I'd like that."

I simply nodded before standing and scavenging through my closet looking for something for her to put on. After all she was much smaller then me. Soon I find an old pair of plan, black sweats and a white, short-sleeve tee. I place them on the bed before finding myself a pair of navy shorts and a black tank. By the time I turn around shes already dressed and under my fluffy, white comforter. I again find myself at a loss for words so I just turn off the light before sliding into bed next to her. It's so dark I can barely see her but just knowing shes here is enough to drive me insane. I stare up at the ceiling silent and still afraid to move.

'Are you okay?" I hear her ask weakly.

"Yes. Why?" I whisper not completely sure why since we're alone.

"Cause your shaking." she whispers back in a softly laugh as she scoots over and wraps her arm around my waist as she buries her face in my shoulder.

'Ju-just nervous. Thinking. Worrying." I say suddenly happy she can't see me since I'm sure I'm as red as a tomato since I didn't even realize I was shaking.

"Why?" she yawns and I can't help but smile. Even her yawns are cute.

"Just everything. I'm thinking when I wake up you will be gone and this will all be a dream."

"Hm. And what happens if when you wake up I am still here in your arms?"

"I guess we'll see." I say with a small smile as I can feel her smiling against my shoulder. I can honestly say that I would have never in a million years expected Emily to ever end up in my bed cuddling with me. Never expected her to show up and tell me she was actually looking for me that night. Never expected to see half dressed. Never expected to be hinted at as her girlfriend again. Nope I never would have expected any of this but surprisingly enough occasionally there are nice surprises. Hopefully when I wake up tomorrow mine will still be here. I yawn myself as I maneuver my foot in between her's and use my free arm to wrap over her possessive hold on me. Even if this was a dream it was an amazing one.


	2. Saturday Waking Up

**Saturday-Waking Up **

Oh my God! Why is it so bright?! And why the hell is my arm numb?! What in the freakin' world? I slowly open my eyes not to excited about the peering in sun that is bright enough for me to tell it's morning with my eyes shut. Looking down I can't help the enormous smile that comes over my face when I see a sleeping Emily. The night's AMAZING events floating back to me. I can't believe it was real. I can't believe I am waking up with Emily Fields! God shes even beautiful sleeping.

"Mmm," the soft moan brings me out of my musings as she rolls out of my embrace onto her side with her back to me, her face going into the pillow I'm guessing trying to hide from the pestering light. Unable to wipe the smile from my own face I follow her lead. I start to reach out to wrap my arm around her waist but quickly pull my hand back, my sleep clouded mind quickly clearing allowing doubt to come creeping back in. Sighing to myself I turn my face into my pillow unable to believe what a chicken I can be. To everyone else I'm fearless, self-assured and I've even been called scary but God if they only knew. If they only ever saw me at moments like this. For heaven's sake we spent most of the night making out half naked and she went to sleep in my arms and now a couple hours later I'm afraid to even touch her. While shes asleep! Sighing again I look back up.

"Hey." I say softly to her closed eyed face as she looks over her shoulder with a weak smile.

"Hey." she mumbles back softly before turning onto her other side facing me, eyes still closed but her foot is lazily sliding in between mine. It's a simple, innocent touch but it's enough to give me goose bumps. "You make it a habit of staring at all the girls you get in your bed?"

"I-i wasn't-I mean I didn't mean to."

"Hey," her eyes flutter open to half mass, another adorable, sleep laced smile coming over her lips. "it's sweet."

"Well I have been known to be pretty sweet." I say playfully not feeling all that nervous at the moment.

"Occasionally."

"Aw! Only occasionally?" I ask with mock hurt as her eyes close again.

"Yes. Only occasionally."

"You are such a-a-"

"A what?" she opens one eye.

"A poop head." she tries to fight the chuckle that's building but she obviously loses the battle as she buries her face in the bed hiding from me. "Don't laugh. It's not funny." I order.

"Or what?" her words are mumbled by the pillow and her slowing laughter but I can still make out the cockiness in her tone. I can't help but pout as I run my eyes over her.

"Or I'll-I'll," I huff not really having anything to come after that. I run my eyes run over the comforter that is covering everything from her thighs down, then her curves and then to the small of her back that is now slightly showing since her shirt got pulled up a bit when she rolled into the pillow. A smirk comes over my lips as the little hamster running around in my mind gets an idea.

"You'll do nothing." she says playfully and that's enough to push me over the edge of cation as I reach out, a hand on each of her sides giving her a gentle, playful squeeze. It was just a guess. I honestly didn't know if she was ticklish or not but as it turns out Emily Fields is quite the ticklish one as she erupts in a fit of laughter and squirms desperately to get away from me. Ha! She managed to get herself on her back now as she tries and push me away but it only encourages me. I maneuver myself so I'm on my knees while I continue my 'torture'. Her cheeks are pink now, her eyes watering as she continues laughing uncontrollably.

"Nothing huh?" I raise my eyebrow looking down at her, my hands staying in place over her bare stomach. Her laughing starts to subside and her hands slide from my shoulders down my arms till they find their home on my wrists.

"Your a-"

"A what?" I challenge leaning down my face now only maybe ten inches from her's.

"A tickle-monster." she says with a dead serious face. I stay quiet for a moment for a couple reasons. One I had gotten so lost in her eyes I really forgot what we were 'fighting' about so when she spoke I really didn't hear it. Two, once I realize what she has just called me I really don't know what to say. What do you say to that?

"A tickle-monster?"

"Yeah. It's like the cookie-monster only with tickling." I blink a few more times as my eyes dance over her beautiful yet stern face. I start sliding my hands from her flat stomach to her sides, her grip tightens on my wrists but she can't stop me. "Don't you dare." she threatens me.

"Oh," I raise an eyebrow and flash a cocky smirk. "I think I dare."

"I hate you." she laughs out as she wiggles away from me up the bed till her back is resting against my headboard and her hands are holding my mine. Our laughter dies out again and we're left sitting here, fingers intertwined, eyes meeting. It's not long after I realize the intimate-ness in our situation that I feel the butterflies that live in my stomach start to fly around like their hopped up on sugar. "I don't hate you." she says softly and I stare at her for a minute trying to figure out why she has got so serious all of a sudden.

"I know." I study her for another minute before deciding that I need to change the subject. This is to much intimacy to quick. "So what do you want to do today?"

"We can't stay in bed all day?" she pouts and I can feel my mind start to wander. God I swear I should have been a boy. I shake my head slightly letting my eyes fall to the bed.

"I never figured you for a lazy one Fields."

"I'm not lazy I just," she trails off giving me no choice but to look up. Her face is still soft but somewhat troubled. Oh God. What did you do Paige? Apologize! Take it back. Say something. Say anything.

"What?" Really? That's what you come up with?

"Nothing." she shakes her head and I suddenly can't help feeling like an ass.

"No really, tell me."

"This is the first time in a while that I actually went to sleep and stayed asleep. It's the first time in a while that I feel...safe." her words are a whisper as her eyes focus down at out hands. Yep. I am most certainly an ass.

"I didn't—Em I was just-"

"I know. I just-just a lot of stuff."

"Well we could stay in bed all day." I say after a few minutes of silence, a little more hopeful then I intended it to come out.

"I really should go home. Let my mom know I'm okay and change and everything." she says as she pulls her hands away from mine before sliding out of the mess of covers.

"Yeah. Okay." I force out doing my best to smile not to let her know how disappointed I am at the fact she is leaving me. But then again what was I expecting? Her to stay here with me all day? Of course not. She has friends and family and a life outside of me. In fact ninety-nine percent of her life is outside of me. I turn so I'm leaning against the headboard as she smiles and tells me goodbye with a wave before walking out. Once I'm sure shes gone I can't help the disappointed and frustrated sigh that escapes me. Lovely going Paige, couldn't even make it a full day without messing up.

Pssst. I slide back down on the bed, folding my hands across my stomach as my eyes focus back up on the ceiling. I wasn't tired any more or at least I didn't think I was until I found myself laying alone in my bed, my mind playing the last few hours of my life back over in my head. I roll over onto my belly and I can't help but smile, I can smell her sweet scent on my pillow. My eyelids slowly heavy till it's to much to bare.

****Bzzz-Bzz****

My eyes open at the annoying sound and it takes me a second to realize what the noise is. Realizing it might be Emily I jump up and reach for my phone on the night stand hitting my hand on the corner. OWWW! At least I was right. I can't help but smile as I see her name pop up.

**(What are you doing?) **before I can respond another one comes in. **(I bet your still in bed.)**

Well for your info Mrs. Nosy, I am.

**(And you say I'm lazy?)**

Did you need something or were you just texting to pick on me?

**(I was texting cause I missed you) **

It's only been like three hours.

**(Fine. I take it back. I don't miss you.) **

I miss you too.

**(I doubt it.**) I can't help but smile ear to ear. She missed me. She actually missed me. I'm such a dork. (**So how long are your parents gone?)**

The weekend. Why? Plan to take advantage of me?

**(How did you guess?) **my eyes widen. I know she is kidding but still. Wow she has changed so much since the last time we were together if you could really call it that. **(I just wanted to know how long I had you to myself.)**

Ha! It's you who never has time for me. Your always off with your friends doing IDK what.

**(Whatever McCullers!)**

If I didn't know better I'd think you were a super hero or something.

**(Ha-Ha)**

So which is it?

(**Or something.) **I giggle because all I can picture is Emily as Kim Possible.

Do you want to go out?

**(Yeah. Where?)**

The cafe?

(Okay. I'll meet you there. Eight?)

It's a date.

It's a date? Really? I shake my head as I look over at the clock. 11:12 a.m Only nine hours to figure out what to wear. What to say. Possibly to calm myself down? Oh boy. Nine hours is **no where** near enough time.


	3. Saturday How It Should Have Been

A.N. Just wanted to say a quick thank you to everyone who has reviewed, followed and/or favorited it means a lot and it is much appreciated. Hope you're continuing to enjoy.

Pokiepup

**Saturday-How It Should Have Been**

I take a couple deep breaths trying to gain as much courage as I can before I walk in. It's not to busy luckily and that makes it easy to spot her sitting in the far back. Her one hand idly playing with the straw in her tea while the other is gripping her phone. Her face is beyond serious, her brow tense and jaw clenched. My eyes shoot to the clock on the wall. Was I late? No it's only just now eight. Hm. Maybe more scooby-gang issues. I force a smile on my face trying to ignore the normal Emily caused wave of panic.

"Hey."

"Hey," she says rather harshly as she shoves her phone in her pocket. I stand here for a second watching her debating what to do. Should we hug? Should I wait? Should I just sit down? Weighing my options I decide it's best just to sit.

"Everything okay?" I ask just to be polite I know if something was wrong she wouldn't tell me. Not as long as it had to do with her friends they always had this weird code of silence I never got.

"Yeah. Yeah." she repeats herself a little to quickly and I guess she caught herself since she chuckles while shaking her head. "That sounded believable, huh?"

"Oh yeah." shes smiling softly now and I can't help but to return it. "So are you gonna tell me or what?"

"It's—you know I really don't want to talk about it. I just want to focus on right here and now. On us."

"Can I get you something?" I look up to the young girl standing here with more then a little attitude. Had I not been thankful for the fact she interrupted an extremely building intimate moment I'd have made a bitchy comment but instead I let it go and ordered some fruity tea. And surprisingly she was back with it in recorded timing I barely had time to make any real conversation past how was your day? Have you been here long? This is nice weather we're having.

"I'm not a jealous person but checking out the waitress in front of me is pushing it." she chuckles as she plays with her straw. I raise an eyebrow trying to figure out what she was talking about since my eyes had been glued to the floor for a while but I guess she thought I was looking at Mrs. Attitude.

"I wasn't," she is crazy if she thinks I would check out that girl over her. In fact shes crazy if she thinks I'd look at anyone other then her. "i was just-I guess spacing out."

"Ha! I'm sorry am I boring you?"

"What? No!" I take a deep breath, my eyes dancing over her flawless yet amused face. "I'm just nervous."

"Swimming half naked with me you handle like a pro. Conversation in public and you shut down? Interesting." her features tense and her eyebrow raises. I stay silent replaying her words in my head trying to figure out if I missed something here. And around the fifth time of saying it back to myself I catch the emphasis on the words _me_, and _public_.

"Em I'm not nervous because we're in public," I pause reaching over placing my hand lightly over one her's that was resting on the table. "I'm nervous because I'm with you."

"Okay." her words are soft as she looks from me to our hands and then back. "So why are you nervous? We've made out. We've held hands. Had a fight. Had secret rendezvous. Even had an attempt at drowning. But nonalcoholic drinks makes your squirm? What gives McCullers?"

"Well first thanks very much for reminding me about the drowning." And she wonders why I'm nervous? Really?

"No problem." she laughs while she playfully kicks me under the table. "And second?"

"Second is that," I pause as I feel my face flush. Pulling my hand away my eyes drift down to the table staring at bottom of her glass. "I've always been nervous just now it's different."

"But why?"

"Because."

"Because why?" she laughs out while she continues to playfully kick me.

"What are you the Riddler?" I look up trying to scowl but I can help smiling at her. Shes smiling ear to ear, arms folded across her chest as she leans back in the chair with an unusual amount of cockiness.

"I don't like secrets."

"Good. Me either."

"Then tell me."

"Just drop it."

"Fine." she huffs out as her mixture of amusement and cockiness turns to frustration. She takes another drink and we have a semi awkward silence come over us. Her under the table playfulness coming to an abrupt halt. I start taking sips of my own drink so I have an excuse not to speak. Despite keeping my head down I continue to sneak looks at her, studying her. I don't really know what the on and off attitude is about. I debate asking but why? She wouldn't tell me. I also start debating hinting at it's time to call it a night but then again forty-five minutes wasn't all that long of a date and considering I've had to wait a year for this I think I can put up with a little attitude I mean after all I did try to drown her and I did jump in her car and highjacked her lips and she still stuck around so I think I can deal.

"You wanna know something funny?"

"Hm?"

"Your sexy when your mad." Okay not the most original and honestly didn't mean to say it but somewhere between trying to come up with something actually funny to brake the tension and what my mind was thinking my lips and mind had a disconnect. But maybe it was worth it since I see the corners of her mouth starting to turn up.

"Whatever." she rolls her eyes and smirks. "Very smooth."

"I try."

"You are such a dork."

"But a loveable one right?"

"Umm, loveable? I don't know if I would go that far." my eyes widen and my mouth opens in mock shock. I extend my leg to playfully kick her missing the contact between us but she catches my foot in between her calfs and refuses to let go. God she is strong. I'm honestly not complaining though. "I should walk you home."

"Wow! Is this going that bad that your ready to be done already?"

"No it's just closing time." she tilts her head toward the clock and almost immediately I feel like an ass again. Nothing new.

"Sure. Just trying to get rid of me."

"You got me." she playfully taps me on the arm as we stand. Despite her protest I pay for the drinks and we head out. The walk out and for a couple blocks we're quiet with the exception of asking about her car and she goes into some long explanation as to why Spencer dropped her off. I listen intently but I know she is lying at least about half of it. But she has her reasons so I'm not going to pry especially not now. Not this early.

The night is actually kind of chilled and right about now I'm regretting not wearing a jacket. My hands are buried deep in my jean's pockets and I keep my head down listening to her talking about Spencer and Toby. No surprise if you want to get her talking ask her about them. One plus side to her rambling about them though is that she doesn't pay to much attention to where she is walking and every once and a while she will walk to close to me our arms grazing.

I use to laugh at the high school love stories and books and poems about the eyes meeting across the room and butterflies in the stomach. One person being all you could think about. The excitement of hands brushing, standing to close to one another but here I am walking with Emily Fields acting just like one of those fictional teen love story characters that use to make me sick. Ironic huh?

"Your not even listen to me."

"I am."

"No your not."

"I am. Really."

"Then what was I saying?" Okay maybe I did zone out but really there is only so much Toby and Spencer one woman can take. "Exactly."

"I'm sorry they're not really my favorite subject."

"Then what is?"

"You." my eyes are down at the ground but I can feel her looking at me now. Silence comes back over us but this time it isn't awkward in fact it's kind of nice as she wraps her arms around mine. I raise an eyebrow to myself at this choice of affection she was always a hand holder so this was strange but hey who am I to complain. It's not long after that we reach my house and make our way around back. The second my pool comes into sight memories start fluttering back as does my shyness. "Here."

"You know I think I should have walked you home. Rosewood is not exactly the safest place to be walking around at night."

"I'll be fine. Besides it's not me who things happen to. It's normally people I care about." I look up and she has the most adorable smile. For a long moment I just stand here staring at her dumbstruck. A thousand overly cheesy lines come to mind to say but instead I stay quiet. Returning the smile I slowly lean in three-fourths of the way and she closes the rest of the distance to my excitement. It was quick but sweet. We brake apart slowly but not completely my forehead resting lightly against her's as she slides her hand over mine. I take a deep breath as my eyes shut again.

"I missed you." it's a whisper so soft I'm not even sure if I've really said it.

"You've been with me most of the day." her words are gentle enough that they don't send up my defenses.

"I mean in general. I liked you so much before and I messed up so bad."

"Liked me? Past tense?" she pulls back looking more then a little confused and sort of angry. "If it's past tense then what are we doing? I'm-"

"Emily what I'm trying to say is I don't just like you, I care about you." my breath hitches and I can't believe what I'm saying. I can't believe I just said it aloud. "I've only ever wanted to be with you. And I realize the first time it was on my terms and I was being selfish and I ruined it. And I didn't really take the whole 'let's be friends' deal the best either. I know I can be selfish and difficult but I've really only wanted to be with you. But it just hasn't worked out and now," I pause my heart beating so hard I'm sure it's going to come out of my chest.

"Now?" my eyes dance up her delicate features till their staring into deep, brown eyes.

"Now by some miracle you're here and everything is going perfect. And I just keep waiting to wake up. I just keep waiting for me to say something or do something that messes this up again and I'm no Spencer but I'm smart enough to know people only get so many chances." I take a deep breath realizing I said all that in one long breath. I blink a couple times letting my gaze fall to her lips as she takes my other hand as well.

"Paige,"

"That is why I am so nervous when I am around you."

"Kiss me." my eyebrow shoots up much like my gaze. "Just kiss me." she says again as I open my mouth to speak. Another soft smile comes over my lips as she squeezes my hands tighter and I realize her eyes are shiny, much more then normal, their almost glassy. I start to debate if it would be right but I don't want to debate right or wrong. I don't want to think about it any more. I just want to be with her. Be with her in this moment and ever moment after. So instead of thinking I obliged her 'order'. Leaning in capturing her lips with mine I let my eyes drift shut and get lost in the moment. More accurately lost in her.


	4. Five Days Of Ups And Downs

**Sunday – Something To Get Use To**

Dammit! Forgot to close the blinds again. I can't help but let out a sigh of frustration but just as quick as I had gotten irritated the feeling was gone as I realized there was a familiar weight resting on my side. I open one eye half mass scared of the overwhelming sun light but I quickly find what I'm looking for. Yup. It's not a dream Emily is in my bed again using me as an oversized pillow.

"I could get use to this," I think aloud in a soft sigh as I snuggle into her.

"Me too." my eyes shoot open at the sound of her voice. Oh my God! Tell me I'm imaging things. Tell me she didn't just hear me say that! Please! Please! Please! "Your cute when you blush." Kill me! Kill me now! Wait-did she just say me too? Like me too as she could get use to this too. I raise my head up slightly to look down at her and her head is resting on the top of my stomach, tilting up to look at me. She has a sweet smile covering her face that sends shivers down my spine.

"I'm not blushing." I huff out and she just chuckles before settling back into her previous position. Her face buried against my stomach, half of her body thrown over mine.

"And I'm not comfortable."

"You know you can be a real smart ass when you wake up."

"Ha. Wake up?" she tilts her head again with a raised eyebrow. "I've been awake for a while sleepy head."

"What? No you haven't." she just chuckles again before gesturing toward the clock with her eyes giving me no choice but to look. 11:32 a.m. Wow! Talk about over sleeping. "Okay maybe you have. Why didn't you get up?"

"I was comfy. Why do you want me to?" she scoots off me onto her belly, propping herself up on her elbows.

"I didn't say that."

"Really? Cause it sounded like you were implying that you weren't happy about this arrangement."

"Do your friends know about this side of you?" I roll over on my side toward her, tilting my head down so our eyes met. "This very mean, bullying side that apparently likes to snuggle."

"How I am with my friends is not how am in relationships." her features tense. I really don't know whats with her and the grumpiness when I bring them up. "If I was that way with you then it wouldn't be considered dating it would be considered being friends."

"Geez Fields retract the claws." I order with a smirk while I reach over and tenderly start running my hand up and down her arm from her shoulder to her bent elbow. At first I almost regretted it upon contact but by the way she relaxed and leaned into my touch I don't know why I ever worried. "Why do you get so testy when I bring them up?"

"I don't." she tries to stare me down but it doesn't work. "I love them. I do so much. I don't know what I would do without them and I am so thankful to have such an amazing group of friends."

"I'm sensing a but coming?" I let it out as a question but I already knew the answer by the guilty look she got when she paused.

"But they can be...over protective sometimes. And-"

"And they don't approve of us or more accurately me." I drop my gaze from her's, focusing on the bed and slowly retract my hand. Guess I should have seen this one coming.

"No, no. Okay maybe a little but it's not you it's everyone. Everything really. It's hard for them to trust people and they just make stupid comments and act like I can't take care of myself."

"I don't want to really defend anyone here but it sounds kind of nice to have someone, let alone three people who care that much about you. I've never had someone like that before." she stays quiet the look of guilt coming over her yet again as she slides up the bed to me. Maybe it's because I'm not fully awake or maybe I'm just getting use to being so close with her but I'm able to keep from blushing when she wraps her arm around my waist as she leans in and ever so softly kisses my neck.

"Your wrong though," she whispers against my skin and I feel my body go into over drive. I guess it'll take some time before I can get use to this.

"A-about what?" I stutter out the feel of her body pressed against mine the feel of her soft lips and warm breath against my skin just a little too much to stand.

"You do have someone."

* * *

**Monday – Optional **

**(So I guess school is optional for you then?) **I roll my eyes as I read the text unable to help from smirking as I rest my head against the passenger window the sound of my parents talking drowning out.

Yep.

**(Must be nice.)**

It is.

**(So do you plan to come back at any point in the year or should I get use to dating the phantom?) **

I didn't go not because I'm hiding Em.

**(Didn't say that.)**

No. Didn't have too. I'm with my parents. They came back and well we left just for the day though.

**(When did you find out you were leaving?) **I pause reading the text over, thinking about how I should answer it. I could lie and say I just found out when they got back but then again do I really want to lie? I could be honest and say I always knew I just didn't think it was something to mention after all I'm only gone for a day not like I'm leaving for a month.

I've know since they left.

**(And you just forgot to mention it?) **

I wasn't thinking about it. I was more focused on what we were doing.

**(Okay.)**

Em don't be mad I'm sorry I didn't think it would be a big deal.

**(I'm not mad.) **Okay. I'm in trouble. **(Class is starting. Have a good trip. TTYL.) **great. Sighing to myself I shove my phone back in my jacket pocket and lie to my mother saying everything is fine when she asks. I may be out now but she isn't exactly ready for the lets sit here and spill the latest dating news. So instead I just close my eyes and think of a way to fix this.

* * *

**Tuesday – Making Up Is Harder Then It Look****s**

I sit in the guest bed, head resting against the wall half of my body covered by the sheet my eyes focused out the window staring up at the pale moon. I'm idly flipping my phone back and forth debating if I should text or not. We hadn't spoken since yesterday afternoon and to be honest I feel like crap. Sure about the mini fight if you could call it that but it had been almost forty-eight hours since I had last seen her. Last kissed her. Wrapped my arms around her. Heard her voice. Hm! She must have ESP since just as I ready to text one from her comes in.

**(You know long distance relationships only work if there is actual communication.)**

We aren't in a long distance relationship.

**(Sorry. I guess I shouldn't have said relationship.)** God she can be such a girl sometimes.

I meant we aren't long distance. I'm coming back tomorrow.

**(So you'll be here for school then?)** Oh boy. I know I won't be back until the day was half over and Dad said I could just skip but if I told her that she isn't going to be pleased, apparently she has some weird obsession with me and school.

I don't know.

**(Okay.)** No wonder people lie to avoid fights.

Em. I know your upset and I'm sorry I just don't get why this is such a big deal to you.

**(No you don't.) **I lay here quietly looking back at the moon trying to think of what to say. She forgets this is all new to me. The only relationship I've had is her and well it didn't exactly turn out the best the first time and now apparently I've messed up again even though I don't know what I did. I debate asking her to explain it but I shake that idea off rather quickly. I feel my eyes starting to heavy and I try and fight it but it's a losing battle. Guess this will be an issue for tomorrow.

* * *

**Wednesday – Worth It**

I sigh to myself heavily looking up at the main entrance of the school, they're dozens of kids running and yelling nothing new but I'm so much in my head I don't hear a thing. In fact I'm so much in my head I don't even see Andrew Ackles as I bump into him while I am making my way up to the door. I quickly say sorry before pushing on. I know he was trying to stop me to talk to me or more accurately he was going to flirt with me but I don't have time for it. I only had approximately eight minutes before the bell for the last class of the day to find Emily, apologize, be charming and fix the situation. Something I have never done nor have any idea on how to go about it. I make it to the end of the hall and even though it's rather busy my eyes find her immediately, they always do.

I'm walking rather slowly past everyone I can hear a few whispers here and there from people but I don't really care at least not at the moment. Let them think what they want. Say what they want. I have bigger issues at the moment. I'm nearing her and she has her face buried deep in her locker looking for something. My eyes go behind her to her three friends who are of course standing together making comments to one another I'm assuming about me since their gaze of death is about to burn a hold through my skull.

"Hey?" she let out surprised the sound of her voice bringing my attention back to her.

"Hey."

"I thought you weren't coming back today." her tone roughens as she slams her locker shut before turning to me again.

"Emily I'm really sorry I upset you."

"I told you I wasn't." I pause my eyes shifting back to her friends and then back to her.

"I'm sorry I upset you. And I'm sorry I didn't tell you I was leaving. I may not get why your so upset about it but I am sorry."

"It's okay." she lets out in a sigh her face softening I guess shes taking pity on me. Thank God.

"I really missed you." she looks over me and I can see she is debating something. She always gets the same look when shes debating something. Had I not been on the receiving end of it, it would have been cute.

"I missed you too." the corners of her mouth turn up slightly and she leans against the lockers I never read to much into body language but I think I'm starting to get it. "I'm sorry too." all I can do is smile back at her. My eyes move to the clock further down the hall and I know I have less then thirty seconds. Sighing again my eyes fall to her friends who still have their murderous looks focused on me before I turn back to her. Twenty seconds left. I can have twenty seconds of courage. Right? Swallowing hard I start to lean in but her hand goes to my shoulder stopping me and I feel a sharp pain rush through me. "Paige you'll get in trouble." she says it so sweetly, with such a concerned look that the pain melts away as does whatever left over feelings of worry.

"It'll be worth it." I whisper as I push against her light hold capturing her lips softly. At first she doesn't react but it's only for a second before I feel her hand slide up my shoulder to the back of my neck as she deepens the kiss. I can hear whispers and whistles and giggles in the background but it doesn't matter. Not with how good this feels. Not with how much I missed her the past two days. We brake away slowly and I hear the principle call my name. I turn behind myself and see the disappointment and anger over his face and I know I'm in trouble. In **a lot** of trouble when he calls my father. Sighing I look back to her who is looking at me with a smile that is a mixture of 'I told you so' and 'I can't believe you just did that'. Well that makes two of us. I take her hand in mine and flash a smile as I hear him calling out for me again. "It was worth it." I tell her before I bring her hand up, pressing my lips softly to the top of her hand before gently letting go and turning to head off toward my fate.

Surprisingly enough there is a new bounce in my step as I make my way toward him and I can't keep the stupid grin off my face that is so wide it almost hurts. I know I'm going to be in trouble for skipping out on today along with all the others. I know I'm going to be in trouble for the over G rating kiss in the hall. I know that I'm gonna be in even worse trouble when my parents get here. I knew all of it but you know what? Who cares, it was worth it.

* * *

**Thursday – No Shame**

I've seen her for a little bit but she was walking with the rest of them so I let it go. After all I have all day I'll get my time with her. No need to be greedy. Who am I kidding If I could I'd be with her every second of the day but I'd rather not seem stalker like. Luckily it doesn't take long for the three of them to start speeding up and she slows up near the steps looking for someone I'm assuming me, okay really I'm hoping it's me. She stares off to the right and I take the opportunity to come up behind her, wrapping my arms around her waist. Her body is still and tense at first but once I lean forward and kiss her neck she relaxes into my embrace.

"Mmm,"

"I missed you."

"Your going to get in trouble again." she giggles as I kiss her neck again but she doesn't pull away.

"We are outside. I'm not doing anything wrong."

"You Miss. McCullers," she pauses turning around in my arms. "have no shame." I lean down kissing her cheek.

"Nope." I pull back taking her hand in my own. "None at all." she just looks at me for a minute before rolling her eyes and leading me into the school. I honestly just took a guess that she didn't believe I was okay with being public now but apparently that's what it was. I can't lie I still wasn't completely comfortable and I don't think I ever will be as comfortable as she is at least not as long as I live in Rosewood but whenever I am with her everyone else melts away and I forget to care. So it's a simple fix.


	5. To Hot To Handel

**Friday – To Hot To Handel **

I awoke groggy and dry mouthed, with a very familiar weight on my lap only difference this time is I don't remember her staying over, I can't feel the overwhelming sun light washing over the room but most of all I'm not laying down. Forcing my eyes open I take in my surroundings. It's dark with the exception of the light coming from my flat screen, the audio barely audible. Rubbing my hands over my face I start to remember her coming over as soon as my parents left. I remember flipping through the channels until we found some B list action movie. I remember some playful flirting and pointless conversation about the movie but I for the life of me can not remember falling asleep or better yet when she decided to use my lap as her personal pillow.

I lightly brush a stray strand of hair out of her face and I can see shes awake watching the movie intently. Hm. If shes awake then that means this was a conscious decision to lay on me like this. Odd. And then by default that means it's a conscious decision that she has her hand that shes resting on touching the inside of my thigh. Okay maybe I'm reading to much into this maybe I'm just freaking out and there is no need to freak out. She probably just put her hand there to be comfortable and didn't realize she was touching a little 'provocatively' although if you really think about it, it isn't all that bad it's only slightly above my knee. Gee Paige stop over reacting. Besides it's not like Emily would want to go 'there' shes just more secure with herself and well look at her why wouldn't she be.

Hm. I wonder if she has gone 'there' well it's not like I can ask 'hey have you done it before?' may not be all that experienced with women but I am one and that wouldn't be the best conversation starter with me so I highly doubt with someone with so much class would appreciate it. I'm brought out of my ramblings as I feel her lift a little to remove her hand before she lets it fall over the edge of the couch. Ah well I wonder if it's this normal to be so...scared to be intimate at this stage. But then again if you look at it in long term we've actually been 'together' for a while. Maybe that is simply why she is so comfortable. Or maybe shes done it and that's why she isn't so shy. Hm. I don't wanna think about that. Nope. Definitely don't want to think about that.

My breath hitches as I feel her light touch on my leg just above my ankle. She doesn't say anything but I can see the corner of her mouth perk up. I obviously picked a bad time to wear shorts **or** maybe it was a good time. I mean yes I'm nervous, scared and all that but maybe I need to just relax and enjoy everything. Enjoy the closeness and the kissing and the touching after all I know people that would kill to be this close to her. To be kissing her and having her touch them. So Paige McCullers sit back and relax, enjoy the fact that you're alone with your stunning girlfriend.

"How are you feeling?"

"Uh I'm good," I can't help but pause as I feel her hand moving up and down my calve it's innocent and affectionate but it's a lot more to me. "I'm great."

"Not feeling sore?" I raise an eyebrow my mind trying to keep clear thoughts. She rolls over onto her back so shes looking up at me with an amused grin. "You said you went running earlier so I'm guessing that's why you fell asleep on me. "

"Oh. No. I mean yeah but no not sore."

"You sure? I've heard I'm really good at massages." she wiggles her eyebrows and I can't help but smile until my mind focuses on the 'I've heard' part of that sentence.

"Why do you do that?" I ask using every ounce of courage I had left.

"Do what?"

"Be all—sexy." I tilt my head and blink a couple times, okay that really wasn't what I was trying to ask. She starts to giggle but tries her best to keep it in, surprisingly she does better then when I was tickling her. "What I meant was why do you...you know...like sometimes it just happens but then there are times when I know your purposefully trying to...well you know."

"No I don't know." I don't blame you I really don't know what I just said either.

"You know all seductive and touchy and you know." well I hope she actually knows what I'm saying cause I've lost myself a good half of rambling back. Her face gets serious for a minute as she leans up and does this really weird, overly flexible move where her lower half is still flat but her upper body is turned toward me while she uses one hand to prop herself up.

"The better question Paige," she leans in closer, it wasn't necessary though she was only maybe seven inches from me to begin with. Her serious features softening and I'm like a deer caught in head lights as I stare into her dark, beautiful eyes. "why do you get so nervous when I do." HA! There is the million dollar question. I wish I had an answer or really I could go without an answer as to why and I would just like to not be any more.

"I-I don't."

"No?" she asks shaking her head a little playfully with a devilish grin and I can't help but think of a puppy who's caught it's bone. My body starts to stiff knowing something was about to happen. And I was right not more then a heartbeat later her lips were on mine and normally I would have been okay. Normally our kisses were sweet and tender and if it went past that it was gradual but now in this moment it went from zero to sixty in a matter of seconds.

I don't know how it happen and again honestly despite the overwhelming amount of nervousness, with how this was feeling I didn't care. I found myself on my back with her body resting atop of me all the while she devoured my mouth with the most passionate kiss in history. My body jumps when I feel her maneuver herself up a bit so she can rest her elbows right above my shoulders lifting some of her weight off of me, she was always so concerned with that. She never said anything but it was always apparent with how she would position herself. I wanted to tell her she was crazy, she weighed nothing and at this moment she could have weighed a thousand pounds I still wouldn't have felt a thing, but telling her that meant stopping the kiss and what dumb-dumb would stop a kiss this amazing.

Maneuvering herself slowly so not to scare me or break the searing kiss, maybe both she slid herself so she was between my legs in stead of on top of them. My body having a mind of it's own wrapped my legs over her calves. I didn't mean to do it or maybe I did but I found myself arching up to meet her body more causing her to moan into the kiss stripping me even further of self control. I try to pull back from her kiss but she just follows me causing more of her weight on me in some interesting to say the least places. Had my eyes not been shut they would have rolled back in my head. I can't be sure how long this kiss has been going but all I can say is thank God we're both swimmers trained to hold our breaths other wise I'm sure we'd have passed out by now. Her body moves a bit and I'm sure it's just to get in a more comfortable position but a groan escapes me. She pulls back abruptly looking down at me shifting more of her weight back on her elbows.

"Sa-say the word and I'll stop." I blink few times as my mind starts to leave it's current position of pure bliss. I guess she mistook my escaped noise as one of pain? God do I sound that bad? I thought it was sexy? I mean I don't find myself sexy by any means but every times she moans my thoughts go flying out the window and I've never thought she was in pain. Wow reminder to self: work on that. Is that something you can work on. Making yourself sound sexier?

Shaking off the thought, my muddled mind coming back to me I find myself staring into deep, dark, passion filled eyes and her words register. Had she kept kissing me I'd have never stopped her. Never would have thought about it but now laying here under her with her offer bouncing around my head. Realizing where we are, what time it is and just what she is asking me I find myself starting to panic and oddly excited. God this woman does havoc on the body I don't think I have one straight thought left. Ha! Straight.

She sighs and I feel her body move slightly only making me more confused. And how can I be sure what EXACTLY she is asking? I mean does she mean do you want me to stop cause we're about to go THERE or does she mean stop cause there is about to be light touching. Light touching makes me nervous and excited much more excited though. I can do light to mild touching right? Although now she thinks my good groaning and bad groaning are the same so that kind of throws me. My poor ego.

"Paige?" she whispers out bringing me back to her. My mouth opens to answer her but just as it does we hear the back door open. She jumps off me faster then the Flash and I jump up. Oh God! Oh God! What do I do? What do I do? Think! Think McCullers think! "What do I do?" she whispers wide eyed as shes sliding into her shoes and I look from her to behind myself a good five times. Front door! I softly scoot her toward the front door and I can tell shes trying not to laugh. I don't get why she thinks things like this are so funny. I'm still in trouble from the school thing. I can hear my parents talking and the fridge open so okay maybe I'm okay. I try my best to open the door quietly and once it's open we stand here silent for a moment as the background voices fall silent themselves. My breath hitches and I'm sure I'm caught I want to look behind myself to see but it's not necessary as I hear an eruption of giggles. YEY! Shaking my head at myself I focus back on Em who is trying her best not to laugh at me.

"It's not funny.' I whisper trying to sound angry.

"It's a little."

"No."

"Mm-hm." she leans in and it's just supposed to be a peck goodbye but it lingers. "I should go."

"You should." I nod in agreement but instead of letting her go I pull her into a 'peck' of my own. Sighing heavily as I pull away I can't help but smile. God she was amazing. Made me completely coo-coo-for-coco-puffs but still amazing.

"I'll see you in the morning." she flashes another smile, her eyes glistening from the night's light and I find myself speechless so I just nod with my own goofy smile. She keeps my gaze for a minute before turning and starting to walk away and I can't help but watch. I can't even begin to describe how good it feels to be able to watch her walk away and know it's not for good. To know it's only temporary and that she will be back with me tomorrow. Hm. Can life get any more perfect? I think not.


	6. Apparently It

A.N. Wanted to say thank you guys again for all the reviews, follows, and faves. As of now this is the last chap and I guess just depending on tomorrows episode and if anyone wants me to continue then I'll go from there. Thank you all again. Hope you've enjoyed.

Pokiepup

**Saturday – Apparently It's Not All Rainbows **

I'm walking up the side walk trying to wake up, thanks to my alarm going off late I now only have a half of day. And of course the only thing that can make me smile, Emily. Shes standing at the bottom of the stairs looking between her phone and the street. Her somewhat irritated expression turning to a smile as she see me. As I reach her I'm greeted with an over enthusiastic hug and kiss. Pulling back I raise an eyebrow as she takes my hand and leads the way.

"What?" she asks with her own confused expression as she looks over at me. I just shake my head, I find it easier then saying I was up all night thinking about our...'kiss' and then my alarm clock didn't go off so I woke up super late and I rushed to get here by lunch so I could see you. "You okay?" she asks giving me a goofy, over concerned look that I can't help but laugh at.

"I'm fine."

"Sure?"

"Sure."

"Sure-sure?"

"Em,"

"Fine. Excuse me for worrying about you." she rolls her eyes and chuckles. Shes so cute but I hate that she is a morning person. I should see if anyone has an energy drink?

"So did you get caught?"

"No! Thank God. Do you know how hard that would have been to explain?"

'Oh yeah! But it would have been fun to see you try. I wish I could have been in the principles office when you explained the other day."

"I said I was trying to give you CPR."

"What?!" she lets out wide eyed as she comes to a stop giving me no choice but to turn and look at her. "You didn't."

"I did."

"You did?"

"No!" I laugh taking her hand.

"Okay cause I thought for sure I was going to have to kick you."

"Ohh! Sounds fun!" I laugh out.

"Why Miss. McCullers if I didn't know any better I'd think you were flirting with me."

"Maybe I am." I wiggle my eyebrows as I can't help but laugh as she giggles. And by now I can't even remember why I was grumpy in the first place. She bumps into me as she starts walking toward the table where two of her best friends are. Hanna wasn't that bad but Spencer? Eh!

"Hi." Emily greets and Spencer is the first to response, Hanna being the pleasant one greets me. "Hows it going?"

"Ah," Spencer pauses looking to Hanna who has an equally weird look as she turns to her lunch buddy. "It's good."

"Yeah it's great!" Hanna reaffirms before looking back at us with a overly toothy smile. I just nod with an awkward smile of my own before I look back to Em.

"Great." Emily says hesitantly as she looks over the unwelcoming duo. "Um, okay. See you later." and that's our cue to leave. Neither them nor her looking the happiest after that little...conversation if you could call it that. I follow her down the hall staying quiet trying to study her as she no longer is playful but she doesn't seem mad either just...troubled I guess would be the word.

"They are really not warming up to me are they?"

"Huh? No. No." she shakes her head trying to comfort me but I can tell shes still not with me, not completely. "They're just being moody. Don't worry about it." she pulls open her locker and pulls out some over sized book but I'm more focused on her then that. "Besides they don't **need** to like you."

"No?"

"No. I like you, that should be what matters."

"It does. And I'm glad you do but I've seen enough movies to know if the friends don't like you then your life expectancy is greatly cut down."

"They aren't going to kill you." she chuckles as she shut the small, metal door but suddenly her laughter stops and shes unusually serious.

"Maybe not but they can ship me off to singles-vill." I rush it out hopping to lighten the mood back up since I have no idea what in the world just happened between flirting, awkwardness with her friends and then this seriousness.

"Just because friends don't like the significant other doesn't mean singles-vill. At first we didn't care for Sean. And at one time we didn't like Caleb. Oh and at one time or another we all took turns with not liking Toby so," she takes my hand and starts toward her class room.

"Hm. Okay. Split up a while ago. Split up recently. And heading for splits-vill. Yup! So proved my point."

"Haha. It's not like that."

"No. No it's fine me and them will have fun on our little island of the dumped. We will be like the misfit toys. We'll swap stories and share a good cry."

"You're such a dork!" she giggles out as we reach her destination. She just shakes her head at me and gives my hand a squeeze before letting go. Ah well at least shes not upset any more. "So are we doing something tonight?"

"I don't know are we?'

"I wouldn't mind seeing you."

"How touching."

"I know right." we both pause as the bell sounds. "My place? Eight?"

"It's a-"

"Date." she winks at me as she starts walking backward toward the opening.

"Back to finishing my sentences Fields?"

"Yup." I just laugh to myself as she disappears into the class room and I find myself walking toward mine sure I'm going to be late but as everything with her is, it's worth it.

**8:15-P.M.**

Can't believe I am late for the second time today. Sighing to myself I hurry up the small amount of steps before knocking on the door twice hurting my hand in the process. Just as I finish I see the bell. Smart.

"Mrs. Fields." I let out as the door opens and I'm sure my cheeks are pink as I can feel my heart start to race. She didn't look all that intimidating in fact she was rather beautiful like Em but she for some reason made me nervous and not in the way her daughter did. She forces a smile of her own as she steps aside and lets me in. "I-me and Emily are supposed to hang out tonight." I nod as I'm saying it for some odd reason as I tap my hands on the side of my legs. I never asked Emily if she told her mother about me so I don't really know what to say. I'm assuming she knows though since shes giving me this awkward 'I don't trust you' look.

"She is upstairs. Been there for a while probably getting ready."

"Should I wait here or-?'

"No." wow she answered that fast. "Go on up." we both stand still for a second giving each other a once over before I start up stairs. Hope she isn't mad I'm late. I knock twice before opening the door and all I can say is I wasn't expecting this. Shes laying on the bed staring at her lap top a video of Maya on the screen. She jumps up closing the computer as she turns toward me her face covered in tears.

"I'm sorry. Your mom let me in." well at least she didn't notice I'm late. We stare at each other like deers in headlights and I really don't know what I should do. Maybe I should excuse myself. But I can't leave her alone like this. I swallow hard as I turn and shut the door behind myself before making it over to the bed. I stop as I reach the edge waiting for an invitation which she is slow to give but comes in the form of a nod. She scoots to the end while I take my shoes off and sit toward the headboard.

We don't say anything just looked at one another. She tired to stop the tears from falling and for a long while was unsuccessful. I wanted nothing more then to hold her. Console her but something told me that me trying to wrap my arms around her wasn't the best way to do it in this situation so I just sit here quietly in case she needs me. After a little while she stops crying and extends her legs out toward me, it takes a bit but eventually I gently hold her foot. It's not sexual or playful just to let her know I'm here for her. My eyes drift to the clock in the background 8:57 p.m. I sigh to myself before smiling sympathetically at her and not long after she apologizes and tries to explain.

It's not necessary though. I tell her a personal story of my grandfather unknowing of what else to do. It was funny so it made her laugh but it also resonated with her so it was worth sharing. She seems better now and silence surrounds us again but this time I move next to her wrapping my arm around her letting her know shes safe. Surprisingly she leans right into me.

"I don't want it to keep hurting." her words are soft and heartbreaking and again I find myself without words so I just give a quick kiss to the top of her head and hold her. I sense her start to speak a couple times but each time she decides against it. Just as well it's most likely only to try and explain. But again it wasn't necessary.

I knew the situation. I knew all about it. I knew that she wasn't completely over Maya, that I was kidding myself to think that she could have moved on so quickly. I knew the whole situation. I knew that probably some of or more accurately most of her over sexual and affectionate behavior was in part to her trying to throw herself into us so she could forget. So she could prove she was over it. It had been a week of pretty much pure bliss. A dream really and as everyone knows no matter how hard you fight it, eventually every dream ends and your forced to face reality.


	7. Up and Down, Up and Down

**Saturday-You Are So Lucky I Like You**

"I'm sorry," I hear her words, they're distant and soft and had I not felt her shift I'm sure I would have been able to ignore them as I drifted off into na-na-land but since the warm weight that was draped over half of my body was now being removed my mind was slowly coming back to consciousness. "You awake?" she whispers, I keep my eyes closed but I know shes still extremely close since I can feel the warmth of her breath on my neck and I get chills. "Paige?" whispers again as she lightly pokes my side. Hm. I wonder how long I can play dead. "Paige I know you're awake." Damn! I'm caught or maybe not. Maybe she is just bluffing. She pokes me again before I hear her huff and I feel her weight move away from me. "I guess I'm just gonna go over here and strip. So sad you are gonna miss it." My eyes shoot open to find her sitting on the edge of the bed arms folded across her chest, eyebrow raised with a smirk. "I knew it!" she laughs as she throws one of her pillows at me which lands somewhere on the floor no where near me. Good thing she took up swimming and not softball.

"I was actually falling asleep until you decided to start molesting me."

"I was so not...molesting you? Really? That's what we're going with here?" she stands up scowling at me and it's taking everything not to laugh at her.

"To strong of a word?'

"Ya think?"

"Okay." I press my lips together giving her an overly pouty look while my eyes dance over her face. "Okay. I was falling asleep until you started feeling up on me in my sleep. Better?" I can't help the laughter that escapes and it only gets worse as she attempts to throw another pillow at me and yet again it misses. "Fields, you throw like a girl."

"I am a girl."

"No. Like a girl-girl."

"Compared to a what?"

"Compared to a highly sexy and athletic girl."

"I'm on the swim team!" she pauses as her amused expression turns back to a scowl. "More importantly did you just say I'm not sexy?"

"I didn't **say** that."

"Did you just **imply** I'm not sexy?"

"Um," I raise my eyebrow as I look around the room trying to keep the enormous fit of laughter coming under control. She looks so angry and serious and I can't help but be amused beyond belief. "I think I kinda did."

"You are a-"

"A what?" I ask playfully challenging her as I scoot across the bed toward her.

"A butt head."

"You know you call me a lot of names."

"And you insult me a lot."

"Hm. Aren't we a pair."

"Oh yeah!" she rolls her eyes and for a second she stairs down at me so serious I can't tell if she is playing any more. "Come on." she orders as she grabs my hand and starts pulling me off the comfy-ness that is her bed.

"What? Where are we going? And better yet I thought you were stripping?"

"Shh!" she orders while she lightly smacks me on the arm before pulling the door open.

"Em?" I let out as she refuses to let go of my hand while she leads us through the darkness of the hall and then down the stairs. Wow this is dangerous. I can't even see the steps. Hope she has better night vision then me. Better question where is her mom and what time is it?

"Shh!" shes kinda sexy when shes being bossy. Who am I kidding she is always sexy. She stops abruptly as we reach the last step. She looks back and forth and then behind me before smiling and leading me into the living room till we're standing in front of the couch.

"Em?"

"Shh!" this time she earns herself a scowl as she smirks at me. I stand here waiting for some type of explanation as to why we have suddenly stepped into a Pink-Panther movie but all I get is this amazingly beautiful woman leaning into me, pressing her lips lightly to mine. The kiss is cut off as I find myself being pushed onto the couch. "Shh!" she lets out again as my mouth opens.

"You shh!"

"I just wanted to see how many times I could do that before you said something." she says in between giggles as she shakes her head and does this weird Easter-Bunny hopping, jog thing around the coffee table to the T.V. It only takes a second before the screen is putting off an extremely bright, blue light. Well at least I can see now. I settle into the corner of the couch trying to get comfortable as she is shuffling through some drawer. I decide just to stay quiet as I watch her shifting her weight back and forth between legs as she shakes her head to herself. After a few minutes she pops in a VSH. Ha. I didn't know people still had those. I see the legal FBI warning pop up and God does it look old well what was I expecting it's a VHS.

I tear my eyes away from the screen and focus back on her who is standing in front of the T.V with an enormously alarming smile. Having no choice I smile back and what should have faded out just remains an increasingly awkward moment. And then the impossible happens, her smile widens and she starts to shake with I'm guessing excitement? Or maybe she is trying to keep from laughing. I can't really tell at this point. I chuckle nervously as I try and look behind her at the screen but she scoots over so I can't see. Oh God it's finally happen. She has gone insane. All the stress of the past few years has caught up.

"Paige?"

"Y-yes Emily?"

"You like me right?"

"Yes."

"Like on a scale of one to oh I don't know really like me. Where would you say you fall?"

"Um," I pause suddenly feeling very nervous at where this is going. "A lot?"

"Okay. So you can't judge me for this. This really wasn't how I wanted tonight to go. And this is really not what I planed but this is the only movie in the house apparently and I actually really liked it when I was younger." That's what this was about? The movie? Wow!

"It's fine. I'm sure I will like it, what ever it is." she nods slowly before her creepy smile vanishes replaced with a shy one as she makes her way back to the couch. She snuggles into the crook opposite of me to my disappointment but I soon find her feet in my lap.

"Watch the movie." she orders without looking at me. Fine. Fine. Shaking my head I rest my hand over her feet before my eyes focus on the screen. Okay. Maybe she was right to be freaking out.

"Rudy?" I turn to her who is already looking at me, cheeks pinking. 'Rudy?!"

"Shhh! My mom is probably asleep or kidnapped by aliens considering she didn't barged into my room after we disappeared for a few hours."

"I don't see that happening."

"She like had a meltdown when Maya came just for dinner. You and me alone in my room for hours?" I didn't mean it to happen but I felt my smile fade at the mention of her name. Her's stays across her lips for a good fifteen seconds past mine but she soon catches up and as her's begins to vanish my eyes fall to her foot and to my surprise I find that my hand had removed itself as well.

I didn't mean to react like that. I didn't want to but it just happen. Normally she doesn't come up so I don't really know how to handle it. I mean I think I did good earlier but that was different that was something I could understand, something I could relate too. And beside she was hurting and needed comfort this was her reminiscing an intimate time between them. This was comparing a situation of ours to one of theirs. And I don't know why but I'm not comfortable with that. Is it okay that I'm not okay with it? I mean I don't have any problem with Maya but I don't know. Sighing I place my hand back on her foot and look back up with the best smile I can force out.

"I can't believe your making me watch Rudy."

"It use to be a favorite leave me alone!" she studies me for a second and I do my best to keep my smile as I switch my attention back to the screen. "I use to have a crush on him when I was younger."

"You had a crush on a Hobbit?" my eyes widen as my attention shoots to her. "Really Em? Seriously?"

"Leave me alone." she orders as she playfully kicks me with her free foot.

"You are crazy." I just shake my head before looking back at the screen. "You Miss. Fields are so, SO lucky I like you cause otherwise this right here would not be happening."

"What are you scared I'm gonna leave you for a Hobbit?"

"No." I shake my head.

"I think you are!" she nudges me again.

"Whatever!"

"Aww! Paige is jealous of a crush from like twelve years ago."

"I'm not." she nudges me again only this time instead of pulling her foot back she scoots it under my leg.

"You're so much cuter." she lets out giggling.

"I know." I give her foot a squeeze as I turn to her. "So, so lucky I like you." she just laughs as she lets her head rest against the arm of the couch, her eyes focusing on the screen.

"I know." she whispers and she looks so peaceful again as if the events of the night never happen. Hm. Maybe I can deal with the movie and being home late again. It's worth it as long as she is happy. Yawning I let my head rest against my arm of the couch. Yeah. It's worth it.

**Sunday – Mama To The Rescue **

Oh God I'm going to be in so much trouble. That is all I can think as I jog around my house to the kitchen entrance in the back. I pause before I reach the door taking a deep breath. It's okay Paige maybe they are gone. Or still asleep. Who are you kidding it's eight-thirty they are not asleep. Shaking my head I open the door just enough to fit through but it's pointless as I find my father sitting at the table paper in hand, my mother at the counter pouring an orange juice. Oh God! Oh God! What do I say?! What do I say! Why do they look as surprised as me?

"What are you doing here?" I live here, what do you mean? Shaking my head I decide to stay silent staring at my father as I wait to see if there is more coming. "Cat got your tongue."

"Be nice." I look between my mother and him a few times.

"I-um, really sorry about last night."

"You should be." Oh boy! He stands, tossing the paper onto the table. Okay just stay quiet let him yell and then explain. "You are almost an adult. Next time you want to stay over somewhere you pick up the phone and ask for permission don't have your little friend's mother do it for you." What? Can you please repeat that? He raises an eyebrow as if he is waiting for an answer and all I can do is nod. He returns it before heading off into the living room and my eyes find my mother.

"You should have called yourself."

"I'm sorry." so not how I thought this would go. And what exactly am I apologizing for? Ah well don't look a gift horse in the mouth. Smiling apologetically I dart off to my room. Not sure whats going on but hey! Pulling out my phone I see a text from Emily. Yey! Wow! I'm so sad I just left her.

**(I hope you get this before you get home but apparently my mom talked to yours last night. Your okay.) **well that explains it.

Yeah. Figured that out when they were ragging on me for not asking myself.

**(Sorry about last night.)**

Which part? Watching Rudy or drooling on me. OR leaving me a bruise from where you were kicking me REPEATEDLY?

**(You are a butt. I'm trying to be serious. I really didn't mean for that to happen.)**

Let it go. If your biggest flaw is that you occasionally cry then you have no worries.

**(That's not the part I'm apologizing for.)**

Em. Let it go. Please.

**(Okay. I have to work today but are we meeting up tomorrow before class?)**

Can't. Dad is dropping me off so I will be there right when the bell rings. But lunch?

**(Sounds good. I gotta shower and get dressed. TTYL?)**

Pics? Plz! **Pouty face**

**(LOL! You are such a perv!)**

Have fun. Think of me!

**(LMAO! OMG! Your crazy.) **I can't help but laugh as I fall back onto my bed. Sighing I pull my pillow over my face as I toss my phone down next to me. Hmm, it still faintly smells like her. WOW! I think I may be addicted to her. Is that possible? To be addicted to a person? If so I so, so am. Ah well who can blame me?


	8. 24 Hours Of Hell

A.N. Okay guys this one is done a little different it kind of stumped me for a bit with how spread out and jumpy the paily scenes were so I think I came up with a decent way to do it. Also I'm sorry if you disagree with jealous Paige but I did my best. Hope everyone is still enjoying.

pokiepup

**Monday – The Day From Hell**

"I'm very sorry Paige." Ha! Sorry?! Really? That is what we are going with? Just freakin' wonderful. This twenty-minute dance between apologies and scorning is what I missed lunch with Emily for? Who needs math for swimming? What do they plan to add in fractions in between dive times or what? And twenty minuets and counting to explain in very long, unnecessary sentences. Who takes this long to crush your hopes and dreams? I mean what does she get off on this? Watching my hope slowly dying. "Paige. Are you listening?"

"Yes." Sure I am. Second you said what this little 'meeting' was I checked out. Still can't believe I'm missing lunch with Em! I could be sitting with Em playing footsie or holding hands or flirting or something that involved her. And seriously who needs an entire lunch period for this crap. What are you the soul crusher. Like I don't feel bad enough as it is about my grades slipping. I don't have my father scorning me every time I see him-well he doesn't know yet but he is always scorning me and when he finds out about this? Well just perfect. Hm. I wonder if this is legal. This swim-Nazi is taking up my who lunch period, when am I going to eat? Not only do I not get time with my girlfriend I don't get food either. And forty minutes of listening to what a failure I am—this should really be illegal.

"Miss. McCullers if you spent as much time focusing on your school work as you do on training and on Miss. Fields then perhaps you would be taking this position and not failing your class."

"Excuse me?" Shut up Paige. Shut up Paige. You are in enough trouble just let it go. Keep your mouth shut.

"Something to add?" Oh yeah! Boy you have no idea how much I have to say. I clench my jaw tightly, inhaling deeply.

"No ma'am." Good job. Remain polite. Be proper. "I will do better."

"Good." Ass! "You can go." Oh well thank you Mrs. Hitler. Standing up I force out the best smile I can as I nod and excuse myself out of the office and past a couple of my gossiping teammates. So glad I had an audience for that. Hm morning scorning from dad, late to class again, no lunch with Em in fact no lunch at all, just had my position taken away from me and now within five minutes everybody and their brother will know. GREAT! Well least I'm not completely off the team right? Glass half full crap.

"Paige." ah crap. What? I turn to find none other then Spencer. Lovely. How else can my day get worse I ask? Well here is the answer. well least it's not Allison. Or Maya. Although at this point they may raise from the dead just to kick me while I'm down.

"Hey."

"Hey." okay? You stopped me what did you want? "I'm sorry just saw you and said hey."

"Oh." Really? Who dose this? We aren't friends. You run from me like the plague when Emily is here, what's different now? "It's fine. I'm sorry just a bit out of it at the moment. Have you seen Em?"

"I think she actually checked out early to work her shift." she left? "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah. Yeah. Just wanted to see her for a minute before class. You know new relationship and all can't get enough of the other person."

"Well it's not **really **new is it?"

"Well it's only been a little over a week I think it would still be classified as new."

"This time." Okay what are we getting at here? Be friendly Paige. Don't start a fight with her friend. Be pleasant.

"Yes. I suppose your right." Yes. Just smile at me. Wonderful. Thank God! The bell.

"Going to class?" Is that your business Miss. Nosy?

"Yes."

"Don't you need books?"

"I suppose that would help." just smile and walk away. Maybe she wants to be a detective. Or maybe she just has a stick up her ass. Maybe both. "Bye Spencer."

The rest of classes went by fast probably cause I wasn't really paying attention I was to busy focusing on my day of failures. By the time the last bell sounded I went bolting from the class down the hall followed by the side walk all the way to The Brew. Okay maybe I am a little too excited to see her but then again with the day I'm having I think it's justified right? I think after everyone has had a bad day they want to see the best part of their life. Ha. Best part of their life? So glad she can't hear my thoughts. Aw Emily. Hm, shes busy maybe I should go.

"Hey." to late, shes seen me. "How'd it go with coach?"

"Not only am I not closing out the relay shes not letting me swim in the county meet." Or letting me have my lunch.

"What? Why?"

"Because I got a C on my trig test. Which pushed my average below a B." Psst. Isn't that impressive.

"How is knowing cosigns going to help you with your backstroke?" my point exactly! Thank you! I thought I was going crazy here. Aw shes so cute when shes caring. I can't help but sigh as I sit down, slamming my bag on the table. Over dramatic? Maybe a tad.

"I knew I should have taken wood shop." I look down but I can see her looking around debating if she should sit and comfort me and she does. Wow! She really is amazing I don't know many people who would take the chance to get in trouble just to comfort me over something so silly.

"Paige. You are an amazing swimmer. And you're already being recruited." True. Very true but still. Woman you're a swimmer you should know how I'm feeling. "How bout you come to come to my house tonight and we'll watch a movie" Shes so amazing. I can't help but smile. Yup this woman can make anything better.

"Sure. Oh as long as you don't make me watch Rudy. Again." I love you woman but I can not handle that again. "What time are you getting off?"

"Ah five but I promised Hanna I would go..shopping with her." Okay. Not sure why you're lying about that but doesn't matter. Nope. Doesn't matter because I will be having you to myself tonight. Note to self-at some point tell her it's okay to not tell me what shes doing with her three musketeers, just don't lie. "So how about we say eight?"

"I'll pick up the Chinese." Mmm food. Mmm, food and Em accompanied by alone time? Can't wait!

'Feeling better?"

"Not really." before I could finish the rest of my thought I find her leaning it, capturing my lips in a tender but way to quick kiss.

"How about now?"

"A little bit." Hm I'm liking this. She leans in again and it takes everything to remember that we are in public and not to wrap my arms around her and kiss her how I really want to. Hm that would REALLY make me feel better. Tonight maybe? I think so.

"And now?"

"Getting there."

"I have to get back to work." she says through a smile. AW! Damn. Fine I can wait till tonight. Maybe. Possibly. Hopefully.

"Darn-it."

"I'll see you tonight." she says as she stands up jumping back to work. Ha for a minute forgot we were at her work. Those are some powerful kisses. Hm. Four O' clock. Gives me four hours to get home, change, avoid my parents, get food and get to Em's. Doable? I think so.

Unfortunately time didn't fly by as quickly as it did at school in fact it went painfully slow. I'm not really sure how this works. When you want time to go slowly it's like the Flash. When you want it to go fast it's like the bastard child of a turtle and a snail covered in molasses. Aww that's a sad image. Shaking off the thought I look back up to the counter, still no food. My eyes dance over to the opposite wall where the clock was. Seven-forty. Should still be on time. I pull my phone out of my pocket and flip through my contacts pointlessly as I debate texting her. Whats the point. I will see her soon and besides I don't need her thinking I'm stalking her. Hm. Although I wouldn't mind doing it. Since apparently I'm going to fail out of school and be kicked off of the swim team I suppose I'll need something to do all day. Maybe then I'll figure out what she does with her friends all the time. I wonder is it really stalking if your dating the person? WOW! Can't believe I just said that.

"Number forty." that's me. I can tell I jump up a little to excitedly by the looks I get from the owner, and Mr. Walker but hey you have a date with Emily Fields and see if you aren't a little over excited about it. Well I suppose if they were dating her it would be weird since they're double her age but that isn't the point. I check my phone as I step onto her block. I'm gonna be right on time. Ha! Take that math class I planed my timing out perfect. Okay Paige. Take a deep breath, stop skipping don't want to seem crazy. There will be plenty of time tonight to make an ass of yourself. All night with Em. God I love that thought. Note to self-remember to thank her for this. The one good thing to my overly crappy day.

Hey shes outside! And shes with someone. Is that Nate? Wait. Wait. Why are they so close? Better yet why is he touching her...on the small of her back. Why is she letting him? Wait—is he kissing her? Is she kissing him back? ARE THEY KISSING? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? ARE THEY KISSING? Walk away. Walk away now Paige or you'll do something you'll regret. Walk away. I couldn't have seen that right. Keep walking.

Stupid Chinese! Stupid garbage cans! Calm down. Calm down. Calmly and quickly walk away before someone sees you just did that. I should have pushed him down. I should have threw the food at him and then pushed him down. Yeah! That's what I should have done. Groaning I pull out my phone almost dropping it in the street. Yeah that's what I need, why not. One more thing to go wrong today great.

Sorry. Not feeling well. Need to cancel.

Why even text. She won't notice shes busy with his creepy, stalker, overly sensitive man lips. ARGGGG! And his grubby little hands all over her. God! What?! SERIOUSLY! On the front step where anyone can see? How inconsiderate can you be?! How inconsiderate and selfish and-and-and many, many other mean names I will not use cause I will most likely regret them later. ARRGGGGGG! I should have pushed him. Or punched him. Yeah, should have punched him I could do it. Hes not that much bigger then me. I'm sure I'd break my hand but it would be worth it. Yeah it would be. I could deal with a broken hand. GRRRR! I wish I took up boxing or something violent. Yeah that makes you sound sane Paige.

"Easy on the door!" What?! The sound of my father's yell brings me out my inner ranting as I realize I've managed to make it home already. Wow anger is a great motivator for exercise. Didn't even realize how fast I made it here. "Thought you were out for the night?" I don't even turn around as I stomp up to my room. I hear him yell again as I slam my bedroom door, this time I hear it but who cares. I pull my phone out of my pocket ready to throw it across the room until I see the little light flashing.

**(How are you feeling?) **

Really Emily? How am I feeling? I'm not your best buddy Spencer so I don't know enough long, educated words to describe just how I'm feeling at the moment without calling you and your little kissing buddy names that I would regret in the morning. Well you anyway I don't give a tiny-rats-ass what I call him. ARGG!

**(Paige? Did you get my text?)**

Oh? Now your concerned with me? Guess he left. How nice you have time now. Should have been this concerned with me when you decided to kiss him openly on the porch at the same time you told me to be there. Guess you aren't so good with time huh? Oh GOD was that where she was today? Did she even go with Hanna? Is this what shes been doing when she says she is with one of her 'friends'? The sound of my phone going off again knocks me out of that thought but instead of reading the text I throw my phone on the floor and roll over onto my stomach burying my face in the pillow. Mature? No. But compared to the other options it's the best one.

* * *

**Tuesday – One Liar, Two Liar, Swim. **

You people can find something else to gossip about this happen yesterday. Arrr. They do know I'm just looking in my locker and that I can hear them, right? Did people suddenly forget I can see and hear?

"Hey."

"Hey." I greet back slamming my locker shut turning to face her. Hm. No hickeys guess he didn't get that far. Or maybe they're just careful.

"How you feeling?"

"A little bit better."

"Good. What was wrong?" I don't think you want to go there Miss. Fields, it won't be pretty.

"I got sick to my stomach." Can't be more honest then that. Is she really not going to say anything.

"You seemed fine yesterday."

"Yeah. It just kind of came on suddenly." Like when I saw you and him kissing on your porch when I was making my way there for OUR date. Really was very unexpected and SUDDEN. "How was your night?" Since your not bringing up I guess I will.

"intense." Intense? Yeah that's what I'm looking for. "Um, Maya's cousin came by," yeah I know that.

"Nate?" What kind of name is Nate? Really. Okay calm down your sounding upset. You want her to tell you not force it. Just relax. No need to be Cujo, at least not yet, not to her. If you see him around here well all bets are off.

"Yeah. He was really upset." ah I see so you make EVERYONE feel better by kissing them. Got it. Wish I got the memo before, I would have been upset a lot more. "More like a total mess actually. Kind of like how I was the other night."

"So what did you guys do?"

"Talked mostly." Mostly? Didn't see much talking happening but sure. Okay.

"Mostly?" Really Emily after everything your going to sit there and lie. Right to my face. I've given you every chance to say something. I know you know I'm upset. I know you know I know something is off so come on.

"Lets go ladies. Time to hit the pool." Silence. Wow guess your not as perfect as I thought. Or maybe you just don't care as much as I thought you did. Could have done with a simple conversation didn't need to cheat and lie and then repeatedly lie about it horribly. Sighing I shake off the thought and do as I'm told pushing past her and heading toward the pool. Least I still having swimming for the moment right.


	9. Awkward

**Chapter Nine : Awkward **

I'm pedaling slowly down main street I'm sure shes there already and had this been any other day I couldn't get to the Brew fast enough to see her but this morning? Not necessarily. Yesterday wasn't the best with short awkward run ins and forced conversations. Short awkward texts that I didn't really want to respond to. But like everything else I compartmentalized and when I woke up this morning to a text saying to meet her I wasn't as angry as I was yesterday and certainly not as angry as the night before that. So I quickly and might I add sleepily replied and for a second, just a second I forgot that she had hurt me beyond belief. But it's just pain and pain is something I'm use to. Pain has really become my best-friend.

I'm only a block away and I can see her. My eyes always manage to find her, she could be standing in a room of a thousand people and I'd see be able to find her. It's always been that way I can't explain it. Shes looking down at the table, her face so sad and serious, keeping IT a secret must be killing her. She has never been one to lie. Never been one to intentionally hurt someone and I know that, I do. Which is probably why I am taking this better then I ever thought I could.

I arrive and slowly get off my bike, she stands and we embrace in a weird, awkward half hug thing. Half of me is thrilled to see her, be near her, touch her but the other half of me is still hurt and I just want to sit and sulk in my own pain. We separate and she waits for me to sit across from her. She really is horrible at hiding things. She forces a fake smile and then goes back to looking at the ground and I do something not all that weird for me and stare at her. I'm sure we look as awkward as it feels. Suddenly she gives me this uneasy look before offering me her half eaten muffin thing. I decline politely partially cause I'm still too upset to eat and partially because I won't eat anything I can't identify and maybe it's just because shes been nervously picking at it but I have little to no idea what it's supposed to be.

"So what do you have first period?" Ah. Fun. More weird, avoidy talks about things we already know.

"English."

"I already asked you that didn't I?"

"Yeah." last night, twice. And you tend to you know be there when I go to the class room like every other day but okay. "Whats going on Em?" I didn't really mean to ask but it had to be done not to mention I need to know if she'll lie again like she did yesterday. Once okay I can get over it but twice? That would be a problem. The question itself makes her uneasy as she looks everywhere but at me, and shifts in her seat about ten times.

"A couple nights ago when I was comforting Nate things got a little intense." she pauses still avoiding my gaze like a child confessing to it's mother that it's the one who broke the lamp and not Sparky the family dog. I clench my jaw and try to keep a straight face otherwise I know I won't be able to hide the pain. I know whats coming. I know whats about to be said and now that it's finally time to hear it I don't know if I can. I don't know if I can deal. "We kissed." we both go silent for a minute and her eyes look to me cautiously but mine drop unable to face her. Nope I was right. Hearing it aloud is way too much but instead of crying, instead of running away or yelling 'yeah I know I saw with my own eyes and killed some innocent garbage cans because of it' I just ask why she thinks it happened.

"In the moment it felt right." Okay that hurt.

"And now?" I really don't have the courage to ask that question but apparently my mind and mouth aren't connected this morning.

"I don't know. I'm just as confused by this as you."

"I'm not confused by it." she looks at me as if I just said the most shocking thing in the world. It's okay Em I'm completely there with you cause I'm not completely sure what I'm saying either. "I think you miss Maya. And so does he. You both loved the same person. Doesn't mean you feel that way towards each other." Or more accurately it doesn't mean **you** feel that way towards him—hopefully. "Maybe those lines are just a little blurry right now." her face is tense, riddled with confusion and I don't blame her I'm pretty confused myself.

Things get silent again and I'm unsure of what shes thinking but it's probably about the same thing I am. It didn't take long for it to be time to head to school. What fun. Again the walk had started quiet but once we reached the half way point she gently slid her hand around my arm, it resting perfectly since it was bent from me pushing my bike. I look to her and she has this soft smile and I can't help the way my heart melts.

"I—I missed you, well this—well you-" I shake my head and turn my attention back to the ground. Well guess we're back to my nervous babel. She lets out a soft chuckle and I can't help but smile, the butterflies in my stomach returning to their normal pattern of crazy flying around in there.

"I did too. It felt really weird not being around you as much as normal."

"Yeah."

"And I felt really bad—about lying to you or hiding from you to be more accurate."

"Yeah." I didn't know what else to say so that's all I can muster.

"I'm really sorry." I can hear the pain in her voice and it makes my heart hurt. "I want to—make it up to you."

"You don't have to. You don't have anything to prove."

"Maybe." she keeps a hold of my arm but we get silent again. "I want to—i want to make it clear that I want you. That what happened—won't happen again."

"If you tell me it won't then I believe you." I finally turn to look at her and she still looks so guilt ridden.

"I don't have second period, can I barrow your bike for a couple minutes?"

"Um. Yeah. Sure." Odd and out of no where.

"I don't have second period and you do so instead of sitting around the court yard all alone and creepy like wishing you were with me—I wanna see if Nate is free." Umm. Hmm. I don't really know what to say to that. I really don't. "I want to tell him that nothing is going to happen between us. The quicker it's done the quicker we can move past this." she raises an eyebrow trying to see how I'm taking everything. It's really a mix of happiness knowing that she wants there to keep being an us. And a little bit of jealousy that shes going to see him again but if it gets rid of him hey I can deal with a little jealousy right. "Is that okay?"

"I'm your girlfriend Em, not your warden. You don't need to ask me for permission to do things." You obviously didn't when you kissed him. Sighing I realize all this talk about it, about him is effecting me more then I realized. Shaking my head I smile apologetically. "That came out bitchier then I meant."

"It's okay I deserve it."

"No you don't. You made a mistake. If we held every mistake we've made over each-other's heads, we wouldn't be together." she glares at me but smirks. "You can most definitely barrow my bike."

"Thank you."

"Under one condition."

"What?"

"I get a kiss." she abruptly stops and pulls me with her since she still has her arm locked in mine. I turn the best I can while trying not to drop my bike and not to hurt her arm, or make her move I don't want to brake off the contact already after all I'm going to have a whole day of not being able to touch her or see her. She smiles sweetly before leaning in and capturing my lips with her own. I'm so surprised I don't respond at first, but I catch up quickly. After what is WAY to soon she pulls back slowly with the first genuine smile I've seen in two days. In order to avoid blushing I quickly return the smile before looking down and starting toward the school. We're about to be at the steps in a few seconds.

"I would'a been happy with the cheek."

"Well I prefer your lips." she lets out in a giggle while playfully nudging me. Oh God how I missed this. "Problem? Huh? Huh?" she continues to nudge me and giggle as we make our way to the doors.

"No ma'am."

"Better not be." I shake my head and she rolls her eyes before pulling me into a quick hug. "I also don't have last period so—I'll be at my house by the time you get out."

"Do you ever have classes?"

"Whatever." she playfully swats me on the arm. I am joking but she really does seem to always have less classes then me. I need her adviser. "Can I expect you Captain Grumpy Pants?"

"Of course." we hear the first bell and she shoots me another smile and a sweet but simple touch on my arm before she heads in leaving me to finish tying up my bike. I spot Spencer afar and I go to smile but I recognize the blonde shes talking to. I can't really place her but she seems so familiar. Interesting.

The rest of my day surprisingly breezes by. Boring class after boring class and I can't help but let my mind wander over to my thoughts of Emily. Second period was the worst thinking about her seeing him. His grubby little eyes visually molesting my girlfriend. Needless to say I was pretty much a Captain Grumpy Pants for that period as MY beautiful girlfriend would say. Luckily my ability to drift away inside my own head makes the time shoot by and when the last bell rings I almost take off running for her house, I had even carried my book back with me to last period to cut down on time. Desperate? Maybe. But when you date Emily Fields every moment with her counts. It takes me a record seven and a half minutes on my bike to get there. I was kinda surprised she didn't take it to go home but maybe she got a ride or needed to walk to clear her head. I go to knock and she pulls open the door with a goofy smile.

"I happened to be looking out the window and saw you."

"Just happened to be?" I raise an eyebrow.

"Yeah. I'm not some crazy stalker."

"You sure?" she wiggles her eyebrows at me before jogging up the stares and I pause for a second admiring the view luckily she doesn't catch me. "How was your day?" AKA how did the brush off with Captain-Doesn't-Keep-His-Lips-To-HIMSELF go. She must catch the meaning as she pauses before jumping onto her bed.

"Fine. Point taken loud and clear." I pick up there's something more but I don't press instead I lay across the bottom of the bed, for some reason her bed is so much more comfortable then mine, maybe cause she is in it? We make small talk, it's not awkward like before but eventually we know it's time for work so I toss on my ear phones, she has a habit of whispering words she reads sometimes and I have stupid math that takes every ounce of concentration. She first had her feet hidden under my stomach and then at some point she moved them to rest on my back, I didn't mind though any contact is fine with me. Suddenly I see her snap her fingers near my face to get my attention and realize shes removed her feet. Hm. Guess math really does take ALL of my attention. I pull my ear phones and look up, all ears. "Remember on one of our first dates," Yes I remember all of them, but go on. "you mentioned my liking bold women?"

"Yes. Why? Have you changed your mind?" I ask playfully trying to figure out where this was going.

"You brought up Ali and I was just trying to remember how you knew her." What? Where did this come from?

"I-I didn't. I knew of her." Well it's not a complete lie, I guess points to me for that. "Why?"

"It's just Spencer thought that maybe you and Ail had-" I cut her off and don't realize how agitated I'm getting until the look of surprise and something unreadable comes over her face. Taking a second I look down at my book before dropping my pen and turning toward her. And then I dare do something that is not smart. I challenge her friends. Not a good idea and I realize it quickly. The anger from Ali being brought up is all but gone and I realize she isn't backing down so I do. I admit shes right and make up some lie about needing to spend more time with them. Well it's not really a lie I probably should and maybe it would help this whole Me V.S. Them situation but willing walking into a situation with a group of people who hate me and opinions that can drastically alter my relationship is not ideal.

We fall silent again and after about an hour it's no longer awkward. Giving up I roll over onto my back and she looks down at me with a suggestive grin. Always a good sign. She closes her book before tossing it to the floor then leaning over and pushing my books onto the floor.

"You're making a mess."

"It's my room."

"Bossy today."

"I'm always bossy. You just don't pay attention to me."

"What? All I ever do is pay attention to you." Sometimes to a creepy point but still.

"Really?"

"Mm-hm," she leans down and kisses me softly. When we finally stop we make some more small talk before it's time for me to go. It's probably for the best, today has been shaky at best so maybe this is enough time together-for the moment. Besides I get the feeling she has a few things to do. Nothing personal me and her are all good again so all is right in the world. Well at least in my world. She walks me to the door and we share another series of quick kisses before I finally force myself to leave.

**Three Hours Later**

I hear my phone vibrate on the night stand and I almost jump. My eyes shoot open and I realize I'm in my room, my bed full of math homework. Shaking off the sleepy feeling I pick up my phone.

**Hey.**

Hey. What's up?

**Nothing really. Hanna has been texting me non stop.**

Why? Everything okay?

**Yeah. Yeah. Nothings wrong. She won't leave me along about this helping Cece thing.**

**I really. Really don't like her.**

You don't like anyone lol

**Yes I do.**

Who? Me? Myself? And I?

**As a matter a fact-YES. :p **

**ARRRRRRGG!**

Why don't you wanna go?

**Cause.**

Cause?

**Cause I don't like Cece. Me and Spencer are having a...issue.**

Still they must need your help.

**And? They'll manage. Besides I'd much rather be lazy in bed texting you.**

It might be fun.

**Doubt it.**

**Wait. Are you trying to get rid of me?**

No. I just know you don't like when you and your friends fight.

**Yeah.**

Why don't I go with you?

**Where? There? **

Yeah. Come on. You'll have honored your friendly duties and I will get to spend some time with them and...more with you. :)

**Okay. **

**But only because I get to see you again. :/ **

:-* I'll meet you there in twenty?

**:-* yup. **

**Twenty-Five Minutes Later**

"You're late." I tease as she walks up and shoots me an evil scowl that quickly vanishes when I daringly grab her by the waist and pull her to me. The kiss was a bit more passionate then I meant it to be but I'm not complaining. We slowly part and shes smiling.

"We should definitely go somewhere and just do THAT. That would be much, much funner." I'm not going to lie I thought about it.

"Come on." I order playfully while pushing her away from the cover of the brick wall and toward the entrance. She goes in first and I take a breath gathering courage but she announces I'm here so I have to walk in. I shyly say hi to Spencer but it's obvious I'm not welcomed. Cece manages to get Em away in a matter of seconds and I'm a step away from panicking so I make my way over to Spencer and offer help. She takes it but again obviously not something shes happy about. I try my best to be friendly and open up—slightly. Try to show her a softer side I'm sure she doesn't think exists. I'm honest and suggest a fresh start but get silence in reply.

We stand here awkwardly for a few minutes before Cece seems to reappear out of no where for the rescue, she calls me over to help put some tiny, little, over priced glass things into a display case. She is better at faking kindness then most, she even flirts subtly I guess she thinks that will make me believe she doesn't secretly hate me or maybe shes hoping it'll make me forget where I know her from. Either way I play along and stock the shelves while listening to her enjoy the sound of her own voice. Finally after what seems like forever she walks off to go find something else to boss us around with. I can definitely say that Em was right, this is NO fun.

"Hey. Paige." Ah. The nicer of the two. I can deal with Hanna, shes usually pleasant and her sentences don't usually drip with venom when directed at me. She asks me to take some dresses to Em and help her, I reply of course. On one hand I get to get away from these three and regroup my idea of 'bonding' time and on the other I get to see Em who has left me out here for a ridiculous amount of time. Guess shes trying to give me the space to mingle.

"Em?" I say lightly knocking on the dressing room door, for a moment it's silent and I wonder if I got the wrong stall but suddenly the door flys open revealing Em with her arm against the door frame trying her best to be seductive. She doesn't have to try though she just it. "Th-they want you to try this on. Sent me for back up case you needed an extra pair of hands."

"Enjoying the view?" she teases as she takes a step and leans into me. "I'm gonna go show it to them. First one that actually looks decent."

"Looks amazing." she just smiles.

"Oh. And I'm not trying that on. We can find something else you can 'help' get on me." she says while shooting the dress thing a dirty look before vanishing off to go show her friends. I respectively wait a moment to follow, rather not look completely like a lost puppy. After what I think is a respectable amount of time, ten seconds or so I walk out after her but quickly stop. Em is just standing there staring at her two friends who look like deers in headlights, hands behind their backs.

"We're leaving." she orders as she storms between the two to grab my bag, I try and intervene to maybe stop this from becoming a worst situation then it is but she won't have any of it. She shoves my bag at me harder then I'm sure she meant to do and mumbles something about changing and then leaving or I'm sure with how upset she is it will be storming out of here. I look at them for a second not sure what to say or do so I go with what my girlfriend tells me. I put the ugly dress thing back before going to wait for Em which didn't take but a couple seconds. She didn't even bring the dress back out, soon as the door flew open she grabbed my hand and led me out of the shop. Hanna calls out for her in the background but it didn't slow her down.

We speed walk for about four blocks, her little hand tightly gripping mine. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know if I should defend them or not even though I didn't really feel like defending them yet again. I would have though if that was what she needed but I don't think it is. I've never seen her this angry before, not even when we had the drowning incident that we will never bring up again. She speaks and her grip on my had relaxes.

"I'm—I'm so sorry for them. I don't know what they were thinking."

"It's okay."

"No. It's not. It's not okay they did that Paige. They're like possessed."

"Em. It's fine."

"It's not." her tone is a little hard so I stay quiet this time. "I feel like all I'm doing lately is apologizing to you. If I'm going to be apologizing it should be for me messing up not my friends being—being—agh."

"I know you don't want to hear it but it's really okay. They're looking out for you although not sure what they thought I'd have but whatever."

"Yeah. Me either." shes lying. I know she knows what they were looking for but I'm not pushing and I honestly don't care. The damage is done weather they were looking for some random murder weapon who only God knows why they'd think I had it, or a stick of gum they were caught and not by me but by Em. Not only were they caught by her but on a day that they were having the worst fight I've seen between them. Hm. Maybe I'm the reason. Maybe they brought this up to her and she said no or something to that nature. I guess. Maybe. I don't think she'd fight with her friends over me, at least not when they didn't just cross a line like tonight although it's really not that big of a deal. What were they gonna find? Gum? My wallet with twelve dollars in it? My house keys? Nothing exciting.

We reach her house and shes staring to calm finally. She says something about tea and I just nod. Tea isn't my favorite but I think she just needs a minute alone to calm down. I get it. She could have said that but she has her way. Plus I'll take it as a good sign that she wants me to stay. I fiddle with my phone while waiting for her to return, I wasn't really doing anything I just didn't want to be left alone to my thoughts thinking about how just two nights ago I had caught her and him on these steps. Despite my best efforts my mind goes there, luckily it's not for long when she returns with our tea.

"Do you wanna sit inside?" she offers but I tell her it's fine. She just nods before sitting and giving me my cup in which I have no real interest in drinking. She tries again to apologize and I brush it off again. But she brings up Cece and I cut her off. I need to tell her the truth. I need to be honest. If she is going to fight with her best friends, the people she cares about most over me I owe her that.

"It started with Allison. She was more then someone I knew in passing." I'm stealing glances but she looks shocked and I can only bare to keep eye contact for a second or two. "I knew her well enough to hate her guts. She spent most of ninth grade torturing me. At first it was just teasing. I got through it. I pushed back." I start to avoid her gaze at all coast now. I can't look at her. "If she wanted to play dirty then so could I." I stop as I feel the painful memories come rushing back hitting me like a fright train. I force myself to look up at her, tears starting to build. It's taking every ounce of courage in me to say this aloud. To tell her. She deserves to know the truth. "But I had no idea what I was up against." my voice cracks, and I'm fighting to keep the tears in. "She was relentless. I had nobody to turn to. I was completely alone. Finally it didn't matter what Allison could do to me because I was willing to do much worse to myself." tears are slowly falling now and I'm back to only being able to face her for seconds at a time. Her face is soft now, sad. Full of concern. "And then I thought if I disappeared forever she would win. And I wouldn't let her win. I couldn't." It hurts so much, I can hardly focus any more. The fear of me telling her this is starting to over come me mixing with the beyond bearable memories that are rushing back. Tears start to fall more freely and she pulls me into her arms and just holds me as I cry. Shes trying desperately to comfort me in the embrace to let me know it's okay.

For once I allow weakness to win and I cry. I just give in and let her hold me, let her give me comfort in her embrace as I cry. Her hold is strong yet loving despite all the pain and anger I've never felt safer, never felt more love. Never felt freer then in that moment. Eventually my tears slow, and a little while after that I pull away. We stay silent stealing glances and soft smiles. She decides to try and move past the situation by offering me more tea. At least she didn't notice I didn't drink it, although I probably should push through the dislike I'm sure with all the crying I'm going to be dehydrating soon.

I tell her I'm gonna wash my face before making a beeline for the door. True I know it's not my house and I shouldn't have taken the liberty of saying what I was going to do but she knows me and I'm sure she knows I just need a moment. I go to the kitchen sink instead of the bathroom. I rinse my face and take a breath. It hurts still. This whole two days have been a big pain fest but it's okay. It'll get better. I know it.

Not wanting to be gone for to long I head back to my surprise she is out on the lawn looking out at Jenna I think I can't really see with how far she is. The buzzing of her phone vibrating grabs my attention and of course it's Spencer. I ignore the call and I know it's wrong. I do. I know I shouldn't have, that I over stepped my bounds but I think we need a brake from the world. From her over boundary stepping friends. She heads back looking more then a little spooked but I'm not going to ask we've had enough serious discussions for today so I just help her pick up our little mess and head for the kitchen.

"Thank you." she whispers as I put our cups in the sink, shes just standing behind the counter smiling softly as she removes her sweater.

"No biggie."

"For everything. For being so understanding about everything. I know it's not always easy especially today," she trails off as she glides over to me, her soft apologetic smile turning to a warm one while she uses her body to wedge me between the edge of the counter and herself. "No matter what anyone has said, or does say," she reaches up taking my face in her hands gently her eyes glassy. "you Paige McCullers are the most amazing person. And I am so, so lucky to have you in my life." her words are so soft and gentle with such definitiveness to them, her eyes so caring that I almost forget to breath. She holds the embrace for a few moments as her eyes dance over my face as though she is making sure I understand what shes saying and when she feels I do she leans in and presses her lips to mine ever so softly and everything just drifts away. The world drifts away and all I can think is that we'll be okay. I'll be okay.


	10. Innocence Comes At A Price

**Chapter Ten : Innocence Comes At A Price **

I wake to the sound of my phone, a smile coming across my lips before I even bother to open my eyes I know who it is already. I open one eye peaking at the clock. 6:45 a.m. My God shes a machine I don't understand how she can go to sleep so late and wake up so early. Shaking off the remaining sleep centric thoughts I lazily reach over grabbing my phone.

**(Morning sleepy.)**

Hey beautiful. Why up so early?

**(Aria called...repeatedly.)**

Oh. Everything okay?

**(No. Well I mean I guess yeah but-I don't know what I mean at this point.)** I sit up forcing myself to completely wake up. Sure another fifteen to twenty minutes of sleep would be nice but Em comes first.

What's up?

(**After MANY, MANY calls I agreed to see them so they could apologize. They should be calling you to apologize not me.)**

That would never happen and besides you're the one they care they hurt.

**(Yeah well I'm the one who cares you got hurt by all this.)**

I'm fine.

**(It's too early and I'm too frustrated to play the I'm fine game.)**

I'm sorry.

**(No I am that was completely uncalled for.) **

I understand. Really. I know with everything going on. It's okay.

**(You're too perfect.)**

I know. ;)

**(Well I'm here. I'll text you in a few. Miss you.)**

Miss you too.

I start to get up and head to the shower, it'll be a while before I hear from Em again considering her friends have ALOT to apologize for. Just as I finish gathering my clothes I hear the faint sound of my phone only this time it isn't a quick vibrate it's a series of them. Making a dash for my phone I make it just in time before it goes dead.

"That was quick." I chuckle out but instead of a smart-ass comment or playful one all I hear is the faint sound of sniffles followed by a muffled whimper. "Emily? What's wrong? What Happened?"

**("They—they lied. They lied to me again it was all some weird twisted-") **she stops and I'm assuming shes pulling the phone away from her face since the tears and sniffles seem so faint.

"Em. Baby. Shhh. It's okay."

**("It's not. It isn't okay. Stop saying it's okay.")**

"Okay, okay. It's not okay right now but it will be. I promise you."

**("It's just not fair. I'm there for them for everything and—and they can't even—I don't understand how they can do this. The way they're acting. The things they're saying.")**

"What happened?" I ask again hoping she'll give me a clearer answer. I'm trying to be as supportive as I can and not insult her friends because I know that's the last thing she needs but with every passing second of hearing her heartbreaking sobs it brings me closer to wanting to go find her three so called friends and give them a piece of my mind.

**("It was an intervention.")**

"An Intervention? About what?"

**("Ab-about you. An intervention about you.")** I swallow hard letting my gaze fall to the floor unable to ignore the slight twinge of guilt I feel gnawing at me. As much as I know that her friends are the ones causing the issue, they're the ones making her cry but I can't help but feel responsible. I'm the reason they're doing this to her and NOW of all times. **("Paige?")**

"Yeah. I'm here."

**("I shouldn't have called and threw this on you. You're going to be late and-")**

"Hey. Hey. It's fine. I'm here for you, anything you need. Are you at school or?"

**("No. I—I can't—I just can't go today not with the trial and them and-")**

"Okay. Okay. Shhh," I let out trying to sooth her as I can hear her breath starting to hitch again. "You don't need to go. You should stay home and right after school I will be there. If you want."

**("Of course I want you here. I—I need you.") **I know I shouldn't but I can't help the small smile that forces it's way onto my lips when I hear her say 'I need you'.

"Then I'll be there."

It wasn't long after that, that we hung up. I of course was over forty-five minutes late for school but there was no way I was going to leave her so broken and distraught. I couldn't. To be truthful I wanted strictly to go to school give her three little so called best-friends a very brutal, very old style Paige type piece of my mind before skipping the rest of my school day and going to comfort her. And if push came to shove I could have skipped the whole yell at the friends bit after all they do think I'm crazy enough already don't need to add to the fire especially since she is the only one that seems to be paying for this little feud between me and them.

First and second period went the slowest they ever have in the history of my high-school career not only did time seem to be moving in reverse but I had a pop quiz in both classes. Life is not the nicest today. Once the dismissal bell goes off for second period I almost bolt out of the door hoping the quicker I get to my next class maybe my day will pick up but of course with how the day was going Spencer is at her locker the same time I am and pokes the bear.

The altercation only last a minute maybe two and it never comes to blows although I was inches away from it. It takes every ounce of self control and respect for Emily not to lose my cool. I can't be the old me I just can't because the old me was something I was disgusted with. The old me was the person who lashed out and lost Em because I was too scared to be myself. The old me didn't deserve to be with Emily, I don't honestly know if the newer me does either but I know I'm a lot closer now then I was then. So instead of digressing and being that person that I had been and that person that Em can't be with I hold my own and make my point a tad aggressively before storming off and letting it be.

I had every intention of leaving my fight with Spence the ring leader and heading to my next class. I had every intention of doing the right thing and finishing my day at school and then going and being the supportive girlfriend but at some point my body seemed to have a mind of it's own and instead of reaching the end of the hall and going left to my next class, I just keep going straight until I'm outside and on my bike peddling as fast as I can to get to her. Sure I almost get hit by Pastor Ted but other then that I make it there without a hitch in even better time then my previous record. Em must have been on her phone or something because less then a second after my text finished sending she was pulling open the door. We exchange a smile but say nothing as she leads me up to her room and I start to panic a little not quite sure why the weirdness. Maybe I shouldn't have skipped. Maybe she wanted this time alone. There were about twenty different maybes that were shooting through my head as we made it to her room but the second her door clicked shut they were all wiped out of my head as she practically lept into my arms.

Again she doesn't speak just wraps her arms around my waist as tight as she can, it's slightly painful but it's okay, I can deal. Her face is buried in my neck so deep I can't help but wonder how she can breath but I just hold her and let her brake. It's not often that she brakes but when she does it's completely and right now is one of those times. I hold her tight and try and sooth her but it's just to let her know I'm still here, that it's okay. I can't believe her friends could do this to her, could leave her at a time like this. I'm not sure how long we've been standing here but slowly her grip loosens and then a few minutes after that she pulls away and smiles softly, almost sheepishly and I can't help the way my heartbreaks for her.

"I'm sorry. I just-"

"You don't need to be sorry Em. You never have to be sorry for-" I pause not exactly sure what the right word to say is. "You just never need to be sorry." I say through my own soft smile as I head to the window seat for some reason this doesn't feel like a sit on the bed and talk situation. Her brow tenses as she looks over me and I wonder if I made the right decision but again I don't have much time to contemplate it as she maneuvers herself so shes laying in my lap. Again there is a silence that comes over us as she just snuggles into me like a scared baby kitten and I desperately want to say something to make her feel better. Something to make this all better but I honestly don't know what to say. I don't even know where to start. So instead of speaking I just hold her and pray it's enough.

"They think they know you, but they're wrong." her words knock me out of my thoughts, at least she sounds near normal.

"Do they just not want you to be happy?"

"They don't trust anybody." her voice gets harder and I begin running my hand up and down her arm reassuringly. "It's because of A."

"You mean Mona." and just like that she sits up and turns toward me, her face completely different now not sad or hurt more along the lines of troubled and I don't know what just happened.

"If I tell you something promise me it doesn't leave this room."

"Emily you can trust me with your life-"

"And if you tell anyone it won't be safe." I swallow hard as I'm trying to study her face. I don't know what shes feeling or what this level of subtle panic is but I know she needs me so I keep a straight face.

"There's nothing I wouldn't do to protect you."

"It's not me I'm worried about. It's you." there's a moment of silence and I know I only have a second to decide, but the pleading look on her face, the desperation behind her words, the mixture of sadness and fear in her eyes I know she needs to say this. Needs to have someone who is there for her.

"Em what is it?"

"We think there is somebody else helping Mona." I hold my breath unconsciously not sure what I should do with that.

"Have you told the police?"

"That night I came over, the night Ali's body was taken. A set us up. They had a photo of us at her grave and we looked guilty as hell."

"So your friends think it's me?" Well that explains a lot doesn't it. "That I'm this new A? That's what you were arguing about this morning?" I try not to sound as angry as I am at the realization what this has all been about. How could they think I would do something so hurtful to her? To all of them. Is this really the type of person they think I am? Is this who she thinks I am?

"They'll figure it out. They'll realize they're wrong."

"And in the mean time they'll do everything they can to keep me away from you." I can't believe this. I mean I understood the hating me over the drowning incident and not trusting me and hell even playing into Cece's version of events with Ali, but this? This is crazy. I start to get up needing to move or pace or something but she rests her hand over my wrist stopping me.

"I won't let that happen." she says it with such definitiveness that I almost believe it. I place my hand over her's readying to tell her that no matter how much she tries they will and she won't be able to stop it but just as my lips part my phone goes off. Needing a second I grab it.

**(10 PM Saturday Rosewood Cemetery or Emily gets hurt) **

My heart starts to race and my head starts to spin I don't know what to do but I know I need to act fast. I pull the phone up so she can't see the text and I force out a lie about having to help my family and it almost physically hurts me having to lie to her. Seeing the hurt and disbelief on her face that I'm leaving her I know she thinks I'm abandoning her like everyone else but I do my best to reassure her telling her I'll be there everyday of the trial. I promise her I won't leave her side. I can see she still hurt but it's enough to be reassuring at least I think since she leans in and pulls me into a tender kiss.

There's a series of tender longing kisses and she holds onto me as if it's for dear life and I can't help but to feel like I'm a horrible person lying to her, leaving her, but I just keep telling myself it's to keep her safe. I told her I would do anything to keep her safe and I meant it. She snuggles into me for a while and I just continue to hold her till I know shes okay. We make passing small talk before I force myself to leave, she walks me to the door and we share another brief kiss. And standing on her porch I'm looking at her and all I want is just to tell her the truth but I don't. I need to keep my promise so I just smile and head to my house needing to gain some composer for whatever is about to happen tomorrow night.

**Saturday Night**

My head is a dangerous mix of spinning and throbbing as I come to consciousness, my eyes slowly opening to darkness. I try to scream but I can't and I realize my mouth is taped shut, I start to panic and try and move my legs and hands but they're bound. I try desperately to remember what's happened but suddenly it's not important as I hear a voice, a familiar one. Nate's? He's angry and then I hear Emily's and like a ton of bricks it hits me. I didn't even make it to the cemetery before he grabbed me. He came out of nowhere. I hear him yell and Emily shrieks and suddenly knowing how I got here isn't important the only thought I have now is trying to get free to help her. I struggle against the restraints but they're to tight and maybe he drugged me or maybe I'm more injured then I thought but I can't brake free. I hear his footsteps approaching quickly and I stop struggling I may not be brilliant but something inside me tells me that him seeing me struggle might not be the best idea.

The doors fly open and my eyes go from him to Emily who looks just as afraid as I am. The light hurts my eyes and this is the first time I realize I've been crying. Shes looking at me so scared and helpless I can't help the tears as my fear grows. Looking at her now with the realization of whats happening, I know I failed her. I promised I'd keep her safe and I didn't.

He walks over to the couch and kneels down on it next to her with his back to me and I know I only have a couple seconds so I try and stop from crying so I can see better, the light no longer hurting. I try in short burst of strength to get out and I feel the tape on my legs loosen but it's not enough. He gets up and I stop again, he's coming near me and I look past him when I see her grab something and he spins to see her but whatever she's grabbed he didn't catch her. He leans down and grabs me from behind pulling me up and I struggle but it's useless between the restraints, the pain and the numbness in my legs from being crunched up for so long it's useless. He drags me a bit before tossing me onto the couch next to her.

She leans in toward me trying to see if I'm okay but I can't stand to look at her. Not now knowing this is my fault. I failed her. I was supposed to keep her safe. He's hovering and shes watching him but he's so focused on her he doesn't notice I'm still trying to get my feet free but again it's useless as he leans behind me his one arm behind my neck, the other hand with the knife on my stomach. He says something about wanting her to see this and I can't help but mumbled in protest I'm not even sure what I said. She says no and tries to go forward but he pulls the back of my hair stopping her. Shes trying to stall him by saying her friends know shes here and he goes on about his phsyco plan and I can help but to continue to whimper in pain as he tugs on the back of my hair harder and harder, his side with all his weight resting on me. Shes trying the best she can but it's no use as he just grabs harder and I know whats about to happen. He raises the knife but something outside grabs his attention, grabs all of our attention and he stops. Her friends? Do they really know? I thought she was bluffing.

He lets go of me and heads to the window to look. She looks to me helplessly and then to him and then to me and she does the smartest thing possible and runs. It only takes a second for him to realize and he runs after her. I thank God shes in amazing shape and tiny so she can run faster. I try and stop crying the best I can as I wait a second to make sure hes gone. Make sure that he ran after her and when I'm completely sure he has, I pull the tape from my mouth and then my legs which is trickier then I thought but soon I'm able to get my legs free. I try and pull my hands apart but nothing, I try pulling again only this time I attempt to bite at it as well. It takes a minute and I bite myself in the process but I don't have time to worry about it. Not now. Not yet.

Finally free I take off out of the back where Emily had escaped from, once outside I look around and the only logical way is toward the light house. I take off running the fastest I can and it doesn't take long to reach the door but just as I do I hear a gun shot and my heart stops, my body goes still. I can't stop, I can't be afraid not now. I push myself and run up the stairs as fast as my beaten body will allow.

"Oh God." she looks up at me scared as shes holding onto Caleb's hand, he's shot and barely conscious I look over and Nate is laying there now barely breathing, his shirt covered in blood. I look over and see the gun on the floor his hand stretched out reaching for it but it's to far and he's slowly fading. I drop to my knees trying to stay calm, I press my hands over her's trying to stop his bleeding. "Did-were you able to call the police." she looks at me tears slowly falling and nods. It didn't take long for the police to arrive, and soon after an ambulance. Well really two of them. They escort us down first and then Caleb. They should have taken him first but I guess so they had more room. She looks at me and at him but she never says anything, I think shes in shock. I am too. So it's okay.

It didn't take much longer for it to look like a scene from a movie with crime scene tape and cop cars and ambulances every where. Some officers are asking us questions separately and I'm answering the best I can and I can hear her in the background and she isn't answering at least not in complete sentences. It catches my attention and I see the three of them standing there. Aria and Spencer in disbelief while trying to comfort Hanna who's watching them take her boyfriend onto the ambulance.

"Officers." I call out running toward Emily's 'captors' and attract their attention and I mumble out the same story I told the other cop but it's enough to distract them. Enough so she can get away and be with them. Be with Hanna who needs her so it's okay. I turn to see her holding her friend and I can see shes okay or at least she will be. Shes with them. Spencer looks at me with this disbelief and guilt ridden look and I just stare at her for a moment I don't have the strength to deal with her guilt or her forced sympathy look. I look at Em one last time before making my way to one of the officers who strongly suggested I needed to go to the hospital. He lets me into the back of his car and says it'll be a few minutes, but it's fine. I let my head rest against the window and close my eyes trying to forget the pain, forget the fear and everything else that had happen tonight. Emily was safe, I'm alive and I kept my promise to her.


	11. The Shaky Ground We Stand On

A.N. Hey guys just want to take a quick second to say thank you to everyone who is reading it means a lot, and thank you to everyone who has reviewed before. Also I'm not one to push for reviews but I'm just wondering if anyone is still interested in this story since there has been three updates with none. So if still interested in me continuing it, please let me know. Thank you all again.

Pokie.

**Chapter Eleven : The Shaky Ground We Stand On**

**Sunday **

I open my eyes slowly to find Emily standing in the doorway leaning against the frame her eyes focused on me but it's like she is looking right through me, her breathing is steady and even although it's clear I'm awake shes not even so much as blinking. I guess shes dazed off in her thoughts, wonder how long shes been here watching me. Must be a while since shes dazed although it could just be because shes had a beyond long day and hasn't slept, might not have anything to do with me at all. I shake of the emotional question and bring my attention back to reality after all the night had been anything but short and anything but calm.

With every passing second a new pain makes it's self apparent, the bruises and rawness on my ankles and wrists from the restraints or more accurately my attempts at braking free. Various parts of my back and ribs are sore to the point that it hurts just to breath. My head still throbbing as if there was a tiny jackhammer being used in there. But even with all of the physical pain I'm left to deal with the worst which is the memories that keep replaying on a very short loop, each time around a new detail making it's self known. Each time around the wound being pulled open a little deeper. Maybe it was the physical pain, the mental pain, the emotional pain, or all of the above that made me less then pleasant and for the first time in a while making me not necessarily wanting to see her. I let out an annoyed sigh that finally gets her attention.

"Hey," she says quietly.

"Hey." I reply simply but she doesn't seem to know what else to say. "Hows Caleb?"

"He is-well I don't know. He got out of surgery a little while ago it was touch and go for a bit but it looks like he will pull through."

"That's good. And Hanna?"

"As well as can be expected. Spencer and Aria are with her-"

"You should be with them." I say letting my head fall forward my eyes focusing on the red, rareness of my wrists my hair falling in my face hiding me, at some point between the car ride to the hospital and being placed in my room for overnight observance I seem to have lost my scrunchy. Just as well nothing about today was in my favor. I hear foot steps approaching me but I refuse to look at her. "Are you okay?" she asks as she leans against the bed and wraps her arm around my shoulders pulling me close to her. And for a second I let my eyes close and lose myself in the embrace, in her soft, caring words. God, I don't think she realizes what she can do to me, what a simple touch or word or even a smile can do to me but it's only for a second that I allow myself to be lost in her. Opening my eyes, returning to reality yet again my body tenses.

"Ye-yeah. I'm-"

"Fine?"

"Yeah."

"Paige I-"

"You know I'm tired." she holds onto me her grip on my arm tightening as she lets out a sad sigh.

"Okay." I can tell she forces out the answer, that she wants to say more. That shes holding something back but maybe she realizes I can't do this now and she respects that. Or maybe shes just so concerned with getting back to her friends. Either way she removes her had reluctantly and then takes a step back. "Paige,"

"Emily," I say sternly, looking up to meet her eyes. "please. I'm really tired. Can we do this later?" I'm careful to use the word later instead of tomorrow because to be honest I don't know if I'll be ready for the conversation shes trying to have.

"Of course." she nods twice slowly more to herself then me as she walks away pausing just as she reaches the door. "If you need me or just want to talk, call me or text me."

"Sure." she nods again and I know she knows I won't but again she doesn't push it and I don't either.

**Tuesday**

I pull my fluffiest comforter off my head, squinting as the terrorizing sun meets my eyes. Sighing I hear my phone vibrate for the fifth time this afternoon. I roll over and stare at the small sized plastic that goes off yet again. I know who it is, I know it's her and I have to fight off the urge to answer. I have to fight off the urge just to look. It's a fight that I've lost everyday since I began this downhill battle, and today was no different. I reach over and peak at the the texts.

**(Good morning.)**

**(Paige please answer me, just let me know you're okay.)**

**(Paige it's been days and I'm worried about you. I need to know you're okay.)**

**(Paige? Please. I'm going to keep texting you until you let me know that you're okay or at least alive.)**

**(I miss you.)**

I sigh blinking away my building tears before tossing my phone onto the side table, it hits with such a thump I'm pretty sure it's cracked but I don't bother looking. It doesn't matter, not now maybe in a few days but at this moment my phone is my greatest enemy as it just lays there calling my name every time it goes off, tempting me to reply. Tempting me to give in.

You don't love her. You don't love her. You don't love her. Those are the four words I keep repeating to myself ever since I watched her walk out of my hospital room. You don't love her. I repeat again. Sure she was perfect in every sense of the word. She was everything I ever wanted and more. Shes smart, funny, caring, honest, sweet, pure, everything that I'm not. Sure when I'm with her I feel myself, I feel safe and cared for. I feel like I'm worth something. But I need to put that to the side. I need to ignore that. You don't love her, not anymore. You can't. I just keep repeating it, every time my heart braking a little more but it's just pain. I can't focus on that.

"You don't love her," I say aloud to myself but it's never sounded more like a lie then it does at this moment. Sighing I pull the blanket back over my head, and pretend I'm not lying to myself.

**Friday**

"And here I thought you might have been kidnapped by alines," my attention shoots to my door at the sound of her voice. She standing there still looking at me like the zookeeper who's trying to tame the lion who having a fit but I see her brow tense and a guilt ridden expression washes over her perfect features and it clicks what she just said or more accurately her choice of words. "I-I didn't mean to scare you, your mom was on her way out and she let me in."

"It's fine." I mumble out as I swing my legs over the edge of the bed turning to face her. "Everything okay?"

"That's what I wanted to ask you, it's been a few days since I've heard from you. I went to see you at the hospital Sunday afternoon but you had checked out already and then I've been texting and nothing and I've even tried calling the house a few times but your parents have kinda brushed me off." she pauses as she pushes her hands further into her jacket pockets while her eyes danced around the room.

"I'm fine. Just been-"

"Avoiding me?" she looks me dead in the eye for the first time and I can't help the wave of guilt that hits me. "You don't need to lie I know you have been, it was a dead give away when your father of all people apologized to me this morning after saying you couldn't talk."

"I haven't been avoiding you—not completely. Not on purpose. I've just been thinking and dealing with some stuff."

"I get it. I do but I'm here for you. I get that you needed a day to be alone but it's almost a week and I-" she trails off shaking her head more to herself then me as though shes having an inner conversation about what shes saying to me. "I wanna be here for you. I am here for you."

"Are you?" I'm not quite sure why it made me so angry but it did, her saying those five words better yet repeating them while giving me this look like I'm the one who's in the wrong. She gives me this disbelieving look and just stares at me a moment as though she needs to process what I've just said to her.

"Of course I am." she tilts her head to the side studying me as she pulls her hands out of her pockets while taking a step towards me so shes no longer standing in the doorway.

"I get that I'm not number one with you, I know it and I understand it. I do. I get that your friends will always come above me, it's something else I know and understand. I also get that no matter how much you lie to your friends or me or yourself that you aren't completely over Maya. And I get that's why you were so—so connected with Nate because you wanted to hold onto a part of her. I get this and I understand it and I've made peace with it. It's okay," I pause taking a much needed deep breath to clear my muddled mind. "but knowing it and having it shown to you not once or twice but more times the I can count in one day it's—and with everything else that happened it's just a little much Emily."

"Wh-what are you talking about? I-" her voice is soft and she has the same guilt ridden expression she had the morning she confessed the kiss. She takes another step toward me but I stand folding my arms across my chest and I guess she takes the hint since she doesn't try to take another.

"I get why you ran but-I get why you had went to Hanna with out even asking if I was okay. And I get why you stayed with them instead of-"

"That's not fair I did come and see you."

"Four hours later. It was four hours of you being one floor down waiting for news with them before you came up to see me for a total of five minutes. And I get it. But with everything I just—it's a lot to take." she stares at me tears filling her eyes as she clenches her jaw trying not to let them fall. I can only bare to look at her for a second at a time, even though I'm being honest I can't help but feel as if I'm in the wrong.

"Hanna needed me," she says weakly as a halfhearted attempt at defending herself but we both know shes already surrendered.

"Hanna had Spencer and Aria there too. I was alone. Alone for four hours waiting for you just to stop and see how I was. But I understand that they will always be over me."

"It's not true." she lies.

"And the whole time I was—it was happening all I could think about was getting out to help you. That I needed to help you and right before you got away I couldn't help but feel I failed you. I promised to keep you safe and-" I stop as I feel my own tears on the verged of falling and I can't allow that. Not now. "But now I just keep remembering it and different details becoming clearer and it's—it's just a lot. I'm not avoiding you I just need-"

"Paige," she whispers her glassy eyes shooting up to mine, a mixture of confusion and pain written all over her face. "are you braking up with me?" I stay silent because I don't honestly know the answer. I had never intended to actually say any of this to her, I had never intended to hurt her but here we were and everything was just flowing out despite if I wanted it to or not. I swallow the lump in my throat and my mind is screaming yes but my lips part and I can't seem to find my voice.

"N-no." despite my head and gut screaming say yes, that it was the right thing to do my heart won. "No. I just need-"

"What?"

"I need you to **care **enough to give me some time." she silent as she stares at me with her fists clenched, her brow scrunched together in the way she only does when shes trying to keep from crying.

"I-I don't suppose there's a time limit on that, huh?" she tries to make it sound playful but her voice is too shaky for it to work. I already know if I speak that I'll cry so I just shake my head. "i-I don't have a choice do I?"

"You do." we both freeze at the words, a weird feeling rushes over me and it feels as though the world has stopped. My heart is pounding so hard it hurts, the pit of my stomach feeling as though it's been put in the blender. She looks blankly at me for a moment her features softening but it's only for a second before her face returns to it's previous expression of pain and guilt.

"No. No I don't," she lets out almost viciously.

"Yes you do." I push back, it's killing me but I'm giving her an out, hell I'm opening the door and inviting her to leave. A free pass to walk away guilt free.

"You're saying either I give you time away from me or brake up." her voice is stern as she say the options to me like I don't understand what I'm suggesting. "To me there is no option because," she waits till my eyes return to her's. "because I don't want to be without you." there's another wave of pain that pulls at my heart and it feels as though I can't breath. She forces a soft smile followed by a half nod when she realizes I'm not going to stop her. She turns and starts toward the door and I just keep telling myself another couple of seconds and I can brake, just a few more seconds. Suddenly she spins around and she looks almost as surprised with herself as I do. "I'm sorry,"

"Emily-"

"I—I love my friends, I would die for them. And I really, really did love Maya. And you're right she is the reason that I was so attached to him, so willing to let my guard down and—i will never forgive myself for that. But you're not this bad person that you want to believe you are and you aren't just this pass time to me that you constantly want to convince yourself you are with me. When me and her broke up I didn't think I was going to get over it, and when she—when she died I sure as hell thought that was it. That I would never in a million years ever be okay again. Nothing numbed the pain, not my friends or my family or the billion and one drinks I had. Nothing," her voice is so weak and laced with so much pain that it takes every ounce of strength I have not to take her in my arms and comfort her. I force myself to look at her and for the first time her eyes are staying on me, refusing to move as stray tears slowly fall. "Nothing but you."

"Em,"

"You were the one who made it feel like I wasn't going to die every second of the day. You were the one who reminded me what it was like to be alive again, that I didn't have to feel guilty for being alive. You were the one who made me be able to smile again. You made me feel safe. You made me feel happy. You made me feel loved. Your the reason that I can make it through days like Saturday and know that no matter what I will be okay and if I'm not? That's okay too because you will make sure that nothing happens until I can be. Your the reason that I can finally say past tense when I refer to loving her. You scare me, how much power you have over me even in the beginning and it's not something I have ever wanted to admit and maybe that's why I run from time to time, I don't know but if I do know anything in this crazy, messed up thing that is my life is that I—I want you." she pauses her voice finally giving out from the tears that had managed to free fall at some point in the middle of her speech. Taking a deep breath, she wipes her face trying to gain some sense composure. "So you take as much time as you need because braking up is not on the table. Just do me a favor,"

"Hm?" it's all I can manage to get out without braking.

"Remember I'm waiting for you." her eyes start to gloss over and I guess she doesn't want me to see her cry again so she does her forced polite smile again before turning around and speed walking out of my room and down the hall. I keep my eyes on the floor as I listen to her steps down the stairs, just a couple more seconds I repeat over and over again to myself and then I hear the click of the front door and finally I'm free. It wasn't more then a single heartbeat from hearing the click of the door that my body clapses to my knees, tears falling so hard I'm shaking and have to keep reminding myself to breath. I wanted to take it back, I wanted to hold her and kiss her and touch her and pretend it was fine. Pretend nothing happened but it did, and nothing changed, not really I still needed space. Needed time to process everything, so instead of listening to my heart this time for once I let my mind win. Instead of chasing after her, I just sat her in a slumped over position crying until the point of pain. Crying until there were no more tears.

**Monday**

"Stalking isn't a major turn-on of mine." It's meant to be playful but it doesn't necessarily come off that way. Shes standing behind me, looking down at me but I don't bother to turn around I keep my eyes focused down on my math book partially because I said my comment a little loud and the person sitting at the table across from mine is now looking at us as though we're about to do some amazing circus trick. Guess that's what I get for sitting outside the town's 'hotspot', if you wait long enough you will see just about every Rosewood citizen come through.

"Really? I always liked when you did it." shes trying to sound playful as well.

"Well you're special."

"For some reason I feel like that's a 'you're special' as in I should be riding a short bus instead of a 'you're special' I can't believe how lucky I am to have you as a girlfriend." she puts a slight emphasis on the word 'girlfriend'. A small smile tugs at the corner of my lips but still I keep my eyes on my book.

"Right now you don't feel much like my girlfriend so much as the creepy kid in home room who watches us in the hall every time we walk by." she snorts and then there's a silent pause and I suddenly begin to feel very awkward but it quickly vanishes when she steps out from behind me and moves to the seat across from me.

"Better Miss. Bossy?" she rolls her eyes and smiles, and I put my book down and just take in the sight of her. Maybe it's the fact I haven't seen her in what feels like forever or maybe the way the sun is hitting her but she looks more beautiful then ever. Shes looking at me hopelessly waiting for me to say something but I don't, with each passing second her smile fades a little. I'm sure she thinks I'm not speaking because of something being wrong but I'm just taking in the sight of her.

"Do they know I can see them?" I ask with a grin as I tilt my head toward her three friends who have been staring and waving her on since she walked over here.

"Um," she pauses as she looks over to them and then back to me with a large grin which was followed up by a chuckle.

"They would make horrible ninjas"

"Yeah." she chuckles again and tries to wave them off, for some reason she doesn't think I can see her hand on the side of the table but I don't say anything instead I just smile. "Well not everyone can have my awesome skills."

"Mm-hm. You're a regular Bruce Lee." she raises an eyebrow.

"Bruce Lee was a ninja?"

"Yeah," I raise my own eyebrow. "Yeah. Maybe." I pause actually trying to remember now. "You know I don't actually know but he was extremely fast and came outta no where so the example works." we stare blankly at each other for a moment before we erupt in a fit of laughter. Once it starts to die down I notice her friends starting to walk away, guess they feel this is going well.

And it was. But as the silence drapes over us I settle back in my seat and shes sitting as proper as ever her eyes focused on me and I can't help but melt under her gaze. Gathering courage I look back up from the cover of my book and she smiling at me. Not in the forced or awkward way. But an actual smile that makes her eyes sparkle, God how I've missed that. For a very long moment I just stare back at her taking it in. I allow myself to smile back, letting all of the previous stress, worry and doubts from before ease.

She leans forward just a little, cautious as ever like a bunny trying to pass a sleeping lion. Her eyes are running over every inch of my face as though shes looking for something and I want to say something but I can't seem to find my voice so I just stay quiet. I swallow, my mouth suddenly dry and I slowly put my hand on the table, it's not over her's, or even all that close but I rest it there and wait. For what, I'm not sure but I'm waiting for something. She only waits a few seconds before her hand slowly slides across the surface till she reaches mine, there's a brief pause as her fingertips make contact with mine. The simple touch, if you could really classify it as that send chills down my spine. It's been so long since I've touched her, since I felt her soft, silky skin. I can feel my restraint slowly slipping away. She can feel it too, with every passing breath she seems to get more and more sure of herself until she slowly slides her hand over mine.

"I miss you," she whispers and my breath hitches.

"I miss you too," I whisper back. Silence returns and her face softens but it has traces of pain in her expression and it brings me back to our last talk but this time I don't want to be strong and resist her. I don't want any more time. I just want her. I start to pull my hand back and I see her eyes shift down to the table, but I only pull back until it's only her fingers that are over mine before I gently nudge upward. Her eyes return to mine as she relaxes her hand so my fingers can intertwine with her's. "It's always been you Em. For me it's always been you. I was just hurt."

"I know." she says guiltily as she squeezes my hand. We get silent again but this time it's calm, it's comfortable something that can be taken advantage of, an opportunity to just enjoy each others presence. Was there still stuff to be talked about? Yeah. Was there still doubts, of course. But none of it was as serious as it seemed a few days ago. Right now just being with her I feel like we can make it. For once I feel a hundred percent sure that we can make this work.


	12. Some Self Control Required

**Chapter Twelve : Some Self Control Required **

**Thursday**

I take a deep breath, a smile creeping onto my lips as is drop my white, fluffy, overly comfortable towel down beside me, the faint smell of chlorine filling my nose. The water a more then an inviting shade of blue-green that seemed to sparkle as the fading sun hit it. Luckily my parents had left again, no surprise there and Em had made plans with her friends so it was just me tonight. Me and the relaxing water. Kicking off my flip-flops, I take another breath before pulling off my tee and short-shorts. I feel my cheeks start to pinken and I chuckle at myself, unable to believe that even absolutely alone I'm embarrassed to be in a bikini. This is ridiculous to be this embarrassed when there isn't even anyone around, I force myself to look down at my body the only parts being covered by the navy blue material were the **important** ones, everything else was on display.

"You know that's my job," I hear her soft voice, the faint hint of amusement in her tone and I freeze. I couldn't have heard her. I couldn't of, she said she was going with the three musketeers to do something or other.

"E-Emily?" I struggle to get out as I turn around to face her, my arms folding across my stomach. Shes only a few feet away, her hands resting in her black sweats as her eyes are moving over my body making me increasingly uncomfortable by the moment.

"What are you doing?" she asks grinning.

"I-I'm—well I was gonna take a swim. Practice and let off stress and all that," I trail off unable to think of anything else to say.

"I see." she let out with a smile taking a couple steps toward me. "Is the water nice?" she asks moving her hands from her pockets to pull her hair up in a ponytail.

"It's—well I don't know." I laugh nervously looking from the rippling water to the ground at my wiggling toes.

"Hm," she nods slowly as if she is contemplating something. She walks almost gliding to the edge of the pool only five or six feet from me.

"Um, what are you doing?" I ask my eyes wide as she pulls her shirt off while kicking off her running shoes. My eyes slowly move from her face down to her collar bone before I force myself to look away feeling the heat in my cheeks turn up a notch. Gaining an ounce of courage I look up just in time to see her diving into the pool but for some reason my eyes zero in on the pile of clothes near the edge which included her sweats.

"I am showing you up. Just like I do at school babe."

"Excuse me," my attention snaps to her, her playful challenge kicking me into competitive mode instead of shy, embarrassed mode. Shes keeping afloat as she looks up at me cockiness written all of her perfect features and God help me it's almost unbearably sexy. "I can do better." I boast smugly, raising an eyebrow.

"Really now? Impress me," she replied while backstroking away giving me room.

Yes I can admit that Em is a better swimmer then me, in fact she better then me at almost everything but one thing I can do better is dive. I leave my embarrassment to the side as I raise my arms readying to dive in a perfect stance and I can feel her eyes on my body, I can't explain how but I could just feel them. I drive into the water but not how she was expecting, instead of doing a perfect, impressive dive I give a decent one but what's unexpected is that I make it into the water just inches from her, the water giving her a big splash. I'm still under water swimming laps around her like some perverted shark but I can hear her giggling. I circle her a few more times, her legs making lazy attempts to make contact. I make one last circle before resurfacing right in front of her and in that second something happens. The laughter stops as our eyes lock, her soft features turning almost intense and I can't help the wave of heat that surges through me.

"You know you look really sexy when you're wet," she let out unexpectedly, her tone something I can't really recognize.

"Really?"

"Yeah," shes barely treading water any more and this feels so intense, so unexpected and I don't know what to do. Do I kiss her? Do I flirt back? Is this flirting or something else? If it was something else what was it? "Ha. Wow that sounded a little more perverted then I intended." she chuckles out, shooting me a wide smile before disappearing under the water.

"You're in a good mood." I say as she pops back up and I slowly distance myself from her.

"A little. What's not to be in a good mood about? It's nice out. Everyone is away and forgetting that we exist. It's just me and my girlfriend." her sweet yet mischievous smile never leaves her face as she follows me. It's all to much for me, just too much at this moment to many emotions that I can't deal with under her intense glaze so I splash the water distracting her as I quickly swim in the opposite direction. But either she was expecting it or she had just gotten faster in the water because she was on me in a matter of seconds, her hands wrapping around my ankles pulling me underneath the water to meet her.

As I sink her hands leave my ankles and go to the sides of my arms not in a tight grip just enough to let me know to stay under. Shes smiling widely and even under the water I can see her eyes have a shine to them but something hits me. Her eyes aren't on my eyes, no they're moving over my body. Instinctively my sheepish embarrassment kicking in I try to pull back but her grip tightens and her eyes return to mine as she shakes her head in a 'no, no, no' type of way. I nod my head upward and she lets me surface, she follows a second later but just as unexpected as she had done it the first time she repeated only this time it was hands she held onto to pull me under to meet her.

She grins as she intertwines her fingers in mine and pulls me slightly closer to her, I feel the top of her right foot moving up and down my calve. Even the warmth of the water isn't enough to keep away the chill that pulses through my body. She raises an eyebrow and it's almost daring and impatient at the same time. And I start to get the idea, any minute now we're going to have to go up for air. Okay. I'll except the challenge. I'll give in and put my insecurities to the side. I let my eyes fall from hers down to her feet and slowly let them trail up her exquisite body. Taking in every inch of flawless skin, and half of me feels as though I'm doing something wrong while the other half is excited beyond belief. That half of me wants nothing more then to just stare at her in wonder for hours, to pull her close and kiss her. Kiss her in a way she hasn't been kissed before.

We float to the surface together, both silent only the faint wind and our labored breathing to fill the silence. We tread the water circling each other until we're so close to the wall we can no longer do this dance.

"What's going on Emily?" I ask softly, nervously.

"I'm playing with my girlfriend." her voice is a low, husky mixture something very rare. Her back is against the wall and I'm slowly drifting closer to her. "Why? What are you doing?"

"I-I don't know," my words shakily make their way past my lips as I answer truthfully. I'm trying desperately to keep my breath even and my thoughts clear but I'm failing miserably at both. My thoughts a cluttered mess of doubts and desires.

"No?" her words are smooth and tempting as she wraps her legs around my waist, pulling my body toward her's. I hold my hands out one on each side of her each gripping the ledge tightly, my eyes closing instinctively as I dip my head to the side burying my face in the crook of her neck. My lips hovering above her silky skin, just barley touching. She makes a soft noise that I barely catch but I do, a warm wave rushing through me and making a home in the pit of my stomach but this wasn't nerves no it was something different. Her lips press to my ear, her hot breath making the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. "Still don't know?"

Her words trailed off as I pull my head back, as I do she raises her hands from the water and tangles them in my hair her lips capturing mine but instead of this being playful or sweet it was passionate her tongue teasing my lips requesting entrance almost immediately something I can't help but grant. A soft moan fills my ears and I'm not sure if it's mine or her's. I further surrender letting my hands fall from the safeness of the edge down into the water until the find the curves just above her waist. The touch welcomed as her legs grip tighter around me, our kiss deepening.

The kiss was literally breath taking, my heart beating so hard, so fast I'm sure she can hear it. It was so different from any kiss we've ever shared. It was so passionate, so hungry so-so full of desire and lust it scared me but excited me in more ways then one. The excitement in the danger of being caught out here, the danger in not knowing how far she was willing to take this or really how far she wanted to. The danger in not knowing just how far I was wanting and willing to surrendered. The excitement in the way my body came alive in new ways with every passing second, every touch from her body on mine. The excitement in knowing that shes now seen me almost completely bare, and she didn't mind in fact she seemed to like it. She still wanted me. It's a kiss of poems, of songs. It's a kiss that you get lost in, in every absolute sense of the word and makes you never want to come back. It's a kiss that makes you realize for the first time you're alive.

Soon I slowly pull away from her lips, her eyes fluttering open to meet mine and their deep with emotion, emotion I can't read. Shes pleading with me not to stop yet assuring me I can all at the same time. Everything in me, every inch of my body is aching for her. For her kiss, her touch but I know I'm not ready. I couldn't say why I wasn't ready, no not even if my life depended on it in fact all I can think of is reasons to go through with this. To just give in and surrender completely to her once and for all in every sense of the word but I'm just not ready. I sigh heavily, it's laced with frustration and sadness and she knows. There's a flash of hurt or maybe disappointment but it's only a flash. She smiles at me a sweet smile but her eyes are still very dark.

"I think you planed all this so you could see me in a bikini."

"You got me," her words are followed by her own soft sigh as she lets her legs fall from my waist and I miss the touch almost instantly.

"Such a perv," I say with a grin as I use the wall to kick away from her, backstroking overly enthusiastically to splash her. First she doesn't move, doesn't follow me and as I look up at the moon I wonder if I've messed up. I raise my head the best I can her face is serious until a small smile creeps over her lips.

"Just giving you a head start." she winks before kicking herself off the wall and heading for me. I can't help but let out a smile of my own as I wait for her to catch me. Sure a part of me is beyond curious, beyond desiring her in what she is making a dangerous way that is weakening myself control every moment but right now this was perfect. Absolutely perfect.

**Friday**

I keep sneaking glances at her which luckily she is to preoccupied with her strawberry ice cream cone to notice, why she had wanted ice cream so near winter I have no explanation for like most of today. Like how I woke up with her in my bed, or how she skipped lunch with the musketeers to inform me of what we were going to be doing today. I had no explanation on how she got me to agree to go to yet again another B list action movie that made no sense what so ever. Yet the worst part of that situation being the couple of popular jocks who at some point became more enthralled in me and her sitting there holding hands then they did with the movie. But most certainly I had no explanation on how she almost skipped down the street once the movie let out and disappeared into the ice cream place. She is certainly one of a kind.

"You aren't having fun?" she asks kind of disappointed.

"I am."

"No you're not."

"I am. Really," I say firmer as I look at her this time. "Any time I'm with you I'm having fun, no matter what we do."

"Really now?" she raises an eyebrow, pausing as her lips stay on the melting substance. "Even through horrible movies and stalkers?"

"Oh yeah. That's my favorite time, especially the stalkers."

"Well I am learning you are quite the exhibitionist aren't you McCullers," she winks with a grin and I can't help but start to blush. "I mean you take advantage of me in your pool last night, you kissed me in the courtyard today and then being all affectionate in front of those jocks, wow. Whole new side of you."

"First off **you** were the one who took advantage of me last night, second **you** were the one who kissed me in the courtyard and third **you** were the one who saw them looking and got all possessive."

"Hm," she finishing circling the dripping liquid with the tip of her tongue and it takes a second for my mind to return to regular G thoughts which she must have figured out since she has a devilish smirk. "I see your point," she pauses as she maneuvers herself in front of me, now walking backwards. "Guess that would make me the exhibitionist then huh?"

"Exactly."

"Oh no! Whatever will you do?" she rolls her eyes letting her head fall back in playful distress as she turns around and stays walking in front of me.

"I think you've lost it Feilds," I chuckle out, she just shakes her head and stays silent for a half of block. My lips part to speak but quickly shut as she abruptly stops causing me to crash into her, my hands instinctively going to her hips. It was a simple action that was meant to keep her from flying forward into the street from the impact, it was supposed to be sweet but didn't seem to come off that way as she leaned back into me, tilting her head up to the side so her lips were only inches away from mine. I of course oblige, who am I to deny Emily Feilds a kiss. It's quick and sweet, sweet in more ways then one I was never a fan of strawberry before but I think it's starting to grow on me.

"Mmm," it's a soft noise really innocent if you think about it but it makes my cheeks pinken, I can feel it and she just giggles. "Careful, I think my ways are rubbing off on you."

"I don't know about all of that," she slides out of my hold and starts across the empty street leaving me no choice but to follow, "but something was definitely rubbing **on** me." her head spins around looking over her shoulder with a surprised smirk and I return the smirk trying my best not to blush under her gaze, or better yet my words. Where that came from? No idea. Sure I can be playful-sometimes-hardly ever but never really after being so—so close. But her smile coupled with the way her walk seems to have a little more sway to it in the hip area, makes me think she liked it. The last block is silent, each of us only stealing playful, loving glances until we finally reach her porch and yeah I had complained about some of the stuff tonight but now standing in front of her door knowing I wouldn't see her until tomorrow I would gladly do it all again just to spend a few more minutes. She smiles gently and leans in waiting for me to take the hint and I close the distance with a quick kiss.

"Hm, well that was a disappointing kiss to an otherwise perfect day." she doesn't say it maliciously but it takes me off guard so it's a moment before I realize shes just playing.

"Really?" her lips part to answer but I take advantage and cover them with mine, the kiss still soft like before but lingering.

"How was that?" I pull back reluctantly, my eyes slowly opening to find her's.

"Better then my ice cream." shes smiling and trying not to let out a giggle, we stand there for a moment neither really wanting to say goodnight but eventually all good things come to an end and I watch her disappear behind her door. God shes amazing.

**Saturday**

Her hands travel slowly down my bare arms, dragging the tips of her nails and my skin feels like it's on fire. My room is dark only the pale moon light seeping through the window, the backs of my legs pressing into the edge of my bed, it hurts but not enough to make me pull away. She enjoying her 'torturous' action and it's effect on me.

Never did I think that we'd ever be getting drunk after our history with it, her night where she visited just about every place in Rosewood and remembered nothing, and my horrible public embarrassment I never really had the urge to drink again but at some point when Em had managed to sneak out and really sneak into here surprising me things had slowly slipped out of control. We had dinner and somehow red wine was worked into it, some how things slipped away from us and by the time dinner had finished we were three glasses down. We had managed to watch a couple hours worth of shows on t.v. as the rain pored down around us outside and then there was two more glasses.

I had stumbled upstairs in search of a bathroom, really in search of a moment alone. A moment to breath and get a hold of my situation. I had found solace on my bed, my mind drifting away from me, perhaps I was gone for to long or maybe she had just followed me. But there she stood in my doorway the way she likes to do, but this time it was different. She came toward me and I stood to meet her. And then here we are, in this all to terrifying yet blissful moment.

I swallow the taste of smooth, wine still present I'm trying to keep my breathing even but every time I'm sure I have it under control she does something to assure me I don't. Her dark, glistening eyes are peering into mine, her features very serious as her hands drift away from mine and go to my waist. First she slides them under the bottom of my tee and then she dips them in the hem of my sweats and I gasp. She doesn't pull them down or go any further just grips a hold of them, my lips part further to protest but she takes it as an invitation, her tongue slips past and begins exploring the depths of my mouth. My response is halfhearted at first but I'm weak to her, I've always been. The kiss is long and deep, passionate and hungry it brings me back to the pool kiss if our pool kiss was kicked up a few notches. Our lips only part for seconds at a time just enough to get air each time the kiss picking up where it paused, each second the kiss growing to something I can't even describe anymore.

Her hands travel a bit underneath my shirt, teasing my stomach, my sides, the small of my back. Her hands roaming so freely feels amazing. The kiss feels amazing and I know I'm inches from giving in but the voice in back of my head tells me I'm not ready. Tells me not like this, not where we're both tipsy. Not where there is a chance we won't remember this in the morning or where there is a chance this might be regretted.

I grab her hips and spin us around so shes being pressed against the bed. I'm holding her firmly not to the point of pain but enough that it stops her attempt from trying to lead us onto the bed, enough that it holds her in place. It's enough that makes her know I'm serious so when her hands reach my waist again they hold firm, this time when we slowly part our eyes open.

"D-do you enjoy this?" my words although a whisper are laced with frustration, her eyebrow raises as she just stares into my eyes. "This driving me to the edge and keeping me there."

"Yes," her words match mine a breathless whisper only there is not anger there's something there but it's not anger.

"Pushing the limits of myself control?"

"Yes."

"Wh-why?" I'm not sure why I'm suddenly so frustrated, well I know why I'm frustrated just not to the point where I'm almost angry with her. Her features soften only slightly and she grips my waist the way I'm gripping her's.

"Because I want you." my breath hitches and I don't speak, I don't know what to say. It's simple, it's honest and I don't know what to say. "Because you do it to me."

"What?"

"I-I want you Paige in an unbelievable way. I miss your touch, I miss your kiss, your scent. I want you in a way that's new to me and it drives crazy. It makes me crazy and happy and frustrated and so many other things I don't even know how to describe to you. I enjoy doing it because I want it, I want you. Because I want you to feel how you make me feel so effortlessly." I swallow the thump in my throat searching for words. What do you say to that? What do you say when the most beautiful, most amazing woman in the world says that to you? "You make me feel beautiful and sexy and secure. You make me feel things I'm sure we shouldn't be feeling for a couple years."

"I-I know the feeling," my grip lessens till my hands are just lazily resting on her.

"Bu-but you also make me feel so safe. So safe because I know you would never do anything to hurt me and that makes me know you would never take advantage of me or the situation."

"You don't know that." I wouldn't but how does she know that. She can't have this much faith in me, not after everything that's happened.

"I do," her words are still whispers but this is a declaration as her hands raise and she drapes them over my shoulders. "I know this because you want me so much right now, we've drank more then a reasonable amount, you have every excuse, every possible advantage to take this further. Take this all the way."

"I still have time,"

"You won't though, you've had so many opportunities and you've never once faltered Paige. I know that I can lose myself in you and I never have to worry that anything will happen to me. I know that you will protect me from myself, from you. I don't push our boundaries to torture you I do it because I want you. I do it because I know I'm safe." I feel a twinge at my heart and it's not pain, I'm not hurt, how could I be after what shes telling me, it's something different. Something indescribable. I feel the tears building in the corner of my eyes and I try to blink them back, while she smiles softly at me. I feel so stupid how can I be tearing up, it doesn't make any sense. She pulls her hands down until they reach my face. "Despite what you think or anyone else for that matter you've never failed me." she leans in and surprises me even further, she kisses my cheek lightly where a single stray tear had fallen. Her lips stay on my skin for a moment. "And I don't think you ever will."she says while pulling back with a gentle, reassuring smile.

****

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	13. The Pure Randomness In Life

**Chapter Thirteen : The Pure Randomness In Life**

**Friday**

Okay. I can admit when I'm wrong well at least when it comes to things pertaining to one Emily Fields. In fact when it comes to her I'm always aware of every tiny thing I do or say that's wrong. And as of late I've seemed to keep myself well out of trouble-until this moment. I didn't wanna come tonight, parties are not my thing especially after my last run in with one but Emily insisted that after work she would be here, that it would be a no strings attached attempt to mingling with her friends again. That it would be fun, that it was out of our normal comfort zone and we needed to try something crazy every once and a while. Then she gave me her puppy dog eyes and told me I was the one who taught her that, then brought up our first 'date'.

So of course as always I gave in and in theory it was going pretty well, I had managed to have three sentences with Spencer. I had spent a total of seven minutes with Aria and yes I timed it because when we finally broke apart I couldn't believe it was only seven minutes that I had to endure. Shes nice enough and slightly politer then Spencer but well lets be honest she can be slightly boring. Then there was freshly released Caleb who didn't really seemed to be all that thrilled to be there something I can relate to and well there was a slightly pleasant conversation once we got onto poking fun of all the overly preppy jocks and cheerleaders, I guess I just get along with guys better. But once Hanna showed up I quickly had to excuse myself since they had seemed to forget I was there with all of their eye-sex and kissing. I'm happy for them but still a little discretion would be appreciated. It was even okay when I was bouncing around catching drunk kids causing issues, it was like reality T.V. without the scripting and censors.

It was even okay when I ran into Erica a fellow Shark, albeit a tipsy one but still someone I knew. It was even okay when she had finally managed to get me onto the 'dance floor' yep I even thought it was okay with the first two songs cause I wasn't being inappropriate and there was no sexual touching but somewhere toward the start of the third song I had caught Hanna's eyes on me in a minor scowl but even then I didn't think anything was wrong. Nope. But toward the end of that one and the start of the next I caught a glimpse of Em.

Not my loving, sexy Em who nine outta ten times had this massive smile whenever she saw me but this was a version of Em that I hadn't really seen all that much. Her arms folded across her chest as she stood next to Caleb who looked something between sympathetic and amused. Her eyebrow was raised only adding emphasis to her scowl, her jaw obviously clenched since her normally beautiful soft features were tense. Yep, I'm not sure when this night had turned into something that would cause me to be in trouble but here I am, up trouble's creek without a paddle.

Now in retrospective I realize that maybe when I noticed Hanna's scowl I probably should have excused myself from Erica or even when I caught Em's death gaze but I was so wrapped up in processing the whole thing I didn't even realize I was still with her, or at some point in my zoning out she had managed to make her dancing a tad bit more suggestive.

"Excuse me, that's my girlfriend you're dancing all over." I turn my attention to Em who's made her way next to us, shes forcing a smile and there is a hint of playfulness in her tone that makes Erica not pick up on the select choice of words shes using. Emily was never one to make an issues about things. Never one to come out and say if something bothered her, but she did have her ways of letting you know and one way was her selection of words, and the emphasis on them.

"Hey Emily! So glad you could make it."

"I'm sure." shes continuing to smile past a clenched jaw and despite the fact I know I might be in trouble it's kinda funny.

"You left this one all alone," she says with a chuckle as her hand rests on my arm and I have to hold in a laugh as Em's eyebrow shoots up to new heights.

"Obviously not a good idea." Erica slowly removes her hand and gives Em a irritated yet confused look which doesn't seem to bother her one bit, me on the other hand am just wanting to run very far from this situation I had somehow managed to get myself into. She shoots Em an icy glance before turning to me with a warm smile but it's obvious that some of it is over the top for Em's benefit.

"You should come to these parties more often Paige, you're quite fun." she starts taking few steps back and Emily's eyes stay locked with her's. "See you tomorrow. You too Emily."

"Well you're just making your way through the swim team ain't ya'?" she lets out when Erica is out of earshot and I try my best not to make a face at her comment. She maneuvers herself in front of me, her arms going up around my neck as she stands close to me, a slower melody starting to make it's way out of the speakers.

"She was keeping me company, Em. That's it."

"Mm, I see. And the four other people you actually know weren't good enough?" her eyebrow raises again and even though she has a half smile I can tell she isn't pleased. "You know the ones you were supposed to be attempting to make nice with for your **girlfriend**." I can't help but chuckle when she adds such emphasis on the word girlfriend, every time she does she makes this incredibly cute yet assertive face and her tone drops just a bit.

"I did make several attempts. They weren't very chatty."

"Was this before of after your lap dace from perky over there."

"Fields," I pull my head back a little to get a better look at her face, her eyes are locked with mine. "If I didn't know any better I would say you sound jealous."

"I don't get jealous."

"No?"

"No. I don't and if I did it wouldn't be over that—that-girl."

"Girl? Is that the word you were going to use?" it's my turn to raise an eyebrow and her forced smile is slowly turning to a genuine one with hint of embarrassment.

"I'm not jealous."

"Okay."

"I'm not." she repeated while her arms drop to her sides and she spins around in my embrace pressing her body into mine luckily the song is slow enough for this to look appropriate. Leaning down slightly I kiss her lightly on the neck she just makes a soft giggle noise, a smile forcing it's way onto my lips realizing not only is she no longer mad but for once it was her who was jealous. Actually jealous. True it wasn't my intention nor would I ever do something to make her feel that way but I can't help the enjoyment I'm getting out of knowing she cares enough to actually be jealous. The next song starts and it's in the same slower paced melody and she doesn't move, instead she gently guides my hands so their completely wrapped around her body, her hands resting over mine as she continues to sway against me to the beat. Hm. Maybe tonight wasn't such a horrible idea after all.

**Sunday**

Emily knew exactly where to kiss, where to touch that would make my breath stop hell make my world stop. I had no explanation for this, it was just something she had always seemed to know how to do since our very first kiss. It was a talent I found to be a blessing and a curse. A blessing for the obvious reasons that need no explanation. A curse for the fact that the simplest caress, the simplest kiss would tug at my self control. A curse in the fact that it didn't take much to make me blush, make me fumble around and seem like a nervous fool. Anything else with anyone else and I was as tough as could be, I didn't get nervous or embarrassed nope tough as nails, all the years of torture from Alison and my father's continuous disappointment made sure of that but a simple glance form this woman and I was like a lost puppy.

The feel of her warm lips on my hip just above the waist line of my pants makes my eyes shoot open, a soft gasp escaping from my lips. Her tongue caresses the spot her lips had just left, followed by a gentle kiss before her head finds it's resting place, her arm lazily draped over my leg. My body is tense for a bit but I soon relax. I'm finally okay with being shirtless around her, and anything that happened from the bellybutton up but anything below that point still made me beyond nervous in a scary way.

It was hard to explain but I loved her weight on top of me, not even in a sexual way sure at times it was and I enjoyed it for the obvious reasons but it was something I enjoyed just in general. Being so close to her, being able touch so much of her body, the unexplainable safe feeling that accompanied the embrace. I have never asked her but she seemed to take preference with it too. A lot of times she would start on my side or even by it and slowly her head would rest on my shoulder or arm, her leg would drape over mine, her hands would end up various places. Then there were times when she wouldn't even try and ease into it, she would just find her position covering me and leave it at that, I never minded though it was like having my own personal security blanket that felt amazing.

She sighs and the feel of her warm breath brushing against the sensitive skin on my stomach makes me tenses again and she just giggles but doesn't bother mentioning it. Instead she continues to circle my bellybutton with her fingertip. I stay silent as I idly begin playing with her soft locks, something she loved.

"I—I have an awkward and somewhat weird question to ask you."

"Can't you ask a regular question?" she chuckles but continues her amusement.

"You know what, never mind."

"No. Ask me," she says softly as she tilts her head up, her eyes on my face studying me as she gives me a reassuring smile.

"Have you ever—I mean I'm not trying to be a weird, creepy perv here but I've been wondering for a while if—if you have-" I feel my cheeks burning and an immediate sense of guilt wash through me as I see a flash of pain come over her face and her hand falls flat on my stomach. "I'm sorry. Forget it."

"I um-"

"Em really forget it. I'm really sorry I brought it up." she swallows and blinks a couple times before letting her head fall.

"I—I have. Once."

"How was it?" I make a face at myself realizing how that had sounded. "I don't mean—I meant what was like like not-"

"It was—different. Unlike anything," she pauses I guess for my benefit. "It's nothing like you'd think it would be."

"How so?" I continue to play in her hair hoping it will sooth her.

"I don't know I mean it's not like the movies where if it's your first time or not it's all hot and perfect and all that."

"So it's not-?" I pause not really knowing where I'm going with this, she suddenly sit ups up her arm extended behind herself holding her up as shes glaring down at me seriously.

"Do you really wanna know?"

"Y-yes." I don't know would have been the truth but I pushed so I should follow through.

"It's intense, crazy intense when you start. You're nervous and excited and turned on," her voice becomes soft and her eyes fall as she says the last part. "but once you get to a certain point it's sort of awkward and well just awkward because you don't know if what you're doing is right and it's different and there's-well for me there was moments when I wasn't really enjoying certain things. But once you get past the nervousness and figure out what-to do it's amazing and intense and everything you'd think."

"Oh okay."

"Me and—me and her weren't like—we didn't-" her face is soft and almost painful and I feel horrible for even bringing it up. I mean it's not like Emily is a lose girl so I don't know why I was expecting it to be anyone but Maya but I just—well I guess I didn't think it through all the way. I scoot up so I'm sitting looking at her. "I loved her, but the time me and her spent together was kind of limited for one reason or another. Before we—we kissed and some stuff before but it was never like with you and me."

"Oh," I let out not really knowing what she is getting at. If her and Maya kissed and stuff that is what we've done.

"I mean we've made out **a lot **and there's been touching and things," she pauses her cheeks getting pink now. She nudges my leg so I look up at her. "We've done a lot of exploring I guess you could say. And when we—if we," she catches herself her cheeks getting even redder. "You know where to touch and kiss and we've made out-"

"A lot." I let out with a sheepish smile.

"Yes so there isn't really an awkwardness when you test new waters, well at least for me. I mean do you get what I'm saying."

"Yeah. Yeah I do." Sorta but I'm letting this go.

"Why?"

"I was curious is all." I lie.

"Paige,"

"I've just been wondering for some time. I mean when we first started talking again it was a kinda weird jealous thing I guess. But when we got together and things started happening you were, well are so much more confident. And it's not like a confidence that you can fake like I do. You're so sure of yourself and me I'm always so nervous and scared," I swallow hard letting my head fall forward so she can't see my face. "I feel like there is something wrong with me."

"Hey," I feel her weight shift on the bed and then her hand on my cheek guiding my face up. "why do you think there's something wrong with you?"

"I don't know. I just do."

"There is **nothing **wrong with you babe." she leans in and kisses me softly. Well I finally got my answer to that nagging question that's always been lingering over me yet I don't feel any different. I don't really have any answers, I do but I don't if that makes sense. Oh well. Don't know what I was expecting really.

**Wednesday**

"Oh my God! There is something wrong with you two." Hanna blurts out breathlessly as she is trying to keep up with me and Em who are jogging rather then running. "You two are freken' machines! Not human!"

"It's not that bad." Em says slightly annoyed since her friend had done nothing but complain for the past ten minutes of our thirteen minute run.

"My extent of exercise comes from running away from people trying to kill me and sexy time with Caleb." I smile to myself shaking my head but Em seems less then amused even less so when Hanna stops forcing us to do so as well. "Come on Paige, you agree right?" she reaches over and taps me on the arm. "Sexy time with Em is much better exercise then this right?" she wiggles her eyebrows and I just let my eyes fall as I feel my cheeks heating and Em just clears her throat. "What? What I say?" Em clears her throat again. "You two haven't—OH!" guess she didn't get the hint.

"Okay. Since Mona and Nate have stopped trying to kill us I have gotten majorly out of shape." Aria lets out even more breathless then Hanna as she catches up to us. "My feet are gonna fall of and I'm sure I ruptured something that I don't know the name of." shes leaning over hands on her knees, her eyes looking to each of us. "What? What I miss?"

"I stuck my foot in my mouth." Hanna said shaking her head.

"Nothing new there." she looks at me the only one with my head down and Em's less then pleased expression. "Oh! You have to excuse her it takes a while for us to get use to the significant others Caleb and Toby took a bit. And with Em we never were around Ben cause we didn't like him and Em didn't really bring Maya around us so you are kinda a new thing AND I just put my own foot in my own mouth didn't I?" she lets out sounding irritated at herself as her breathing is returning to normal. "I'm sorry." she says looking at me as I finally force myself to look up.

"You didn't give us a specifics list on what not to bring up." Hanna threw back at Emily.

"You two have been around people before though right?" Em barks her eyebrow raised.

"What? I didn't know **all** exs were a no-no topic you guys brought up Sean before, and she dated him I wasn't upset." Hanna tries to back peddle but doesn't work out so well as Emily's glare turns to a scowl.

"Sorry. Really sorry." Aria says looking between me and Em as she starts walking grabbing Hanna's arm. "Lets go. Lets go." she repeats as she forces her friend to jog away from us up the trail.

"Guess Spencer staying home to avoid awkwardness was kinda pointless now huh?" I nervously chuckle as Em hangs her head shaking it to herself before turning to face me.

"I'm very, very sorry for them. I beginning to think they may have some brain damage."

"It's fine really." she just shakes her head again a soft unreadable expression over her face. "I know I'm a girl but I'm thinking maybe I should just hang out in the boyfriend's club with Toby and Caleb. I mean I'm butch enough,"

"You think you're butcher then me? I'm on the swim team, I run, I like sweats."

"Ha. That makes you athletic not butch." I smile taking her hands in mine.

"Fine, fine I'll set up a play date for you and Caleb."

"Sounds fun." I wink.

"Yeah, just remember you're both taken," she playfully scowls.

"I see nothing but you babe," I grin pulling her closer. "Besides he's a guy, does nothing for me."

"Yeah. Yeah. Normally wouldn't faze me but since Sean was brought up-" she trails off not needing to finish, I knew she remembered that incident the second his name left Hanna's lips.

"You're so cute."

"I bet I am." she chuckles, the sound becoming muffled as I capture her lips. "Come on. Lets go catch up with the word vomit twins." she laughs again keeping my hand in her's pulling me along the way.


	14. Warming Up?

A.N. Wanted to say thank you to everyone who's been reviewing and reading glad people are still interested and enjoying. Also pretty much everything up to the Halloween ep. I'm just doing a bunch of moments I can see happen between our fave couple so if anyone has a moment they'd like to see please feel free to P.M. And lemme know. Hope you all had a good holiday week.

Pokie

**Chapter Fourteen : Warming Up?**

**Thursday-Morning**

My mind slowly begins to pull it's self out of the bliss of sleep but I keep my eyes close letting my body slowly wake. I start to try and stretch but find myself restrained my body instantly stiffing trying to remember what happened. Suddenly I realize I'm not in my room the smell is to sweet and soft, the bed to soft. I open my eyes to darkness, there is only small slivers of light coming through the curtains from the lighting blue sky. I look over at the clock 4:56 a.m. Oh boy. I fell asleep in Emily's bed in Emily's house with her mother home. Oh my God! Oh my God, she's going to kill us. More accurately me.

I feel her shift and I start to calm, even in the darkness I can make out her pristine features without difficulty although by now I could map out every feature of her face even if she wasn't in front of me. I watch her chest rise and fall with every short breath she takes, a faint sound of her breathing circling my ears. She's never snored, not that I've ever caught but occasionally she'll breath a little heavy and there is a soft sound it's actually kind of cute. Maybe it's weird but I never get tired of watching her sleep, especially when shes in my arms it feels safe. When shes asleep she tends to look peaceful for once, innocent as though shes forgotten the whole world and every horrible, painful memory of her life exists. I feel her shift and it brings me from my thoughts, I realize shes looking up at me her eyes half mass, the beautiful darkness that is her eyes are filled with pure adoration as she has a weak smile over her lips.

"Hey," I whisper softly, pushing a stray piece of hair out of her eye.

"Baby," she lets out in her own weak whisper and I can't help but smile ear to ear, it's very rare we use pet names but it always makes me smile when she does. "What?" her smile grows but she's still only half awake.

"Nothing. Just admiring the view."

"Mm." her embrace tightens around meas she snuggles into me. "I prefer mine." God shes perfect. I let myself enjoy this just a little longer until 5:15 and I know I have to go, if I have any chance of not being caught it's now not to mention I can't show up to school in wrinkled clothes I had worn yesterday.

"Em," I say and wait but nothing. "Emily," again nothing. "Baby?" there's nothing for a second.

"Mm, I like the sound of that." she mumbles into my shoulder and I try not to giggle from how it tickles.

"I have to go."

"Noooo," she softly protests almost whining.

"I have to get ready for school and leave before your mother realizes I'm here."

"My mother has seen you she'll understand." I raise an eyebrow not quite sure what that was supposed to mean or if she even realizes what shes saying. Laughing to myself I start to skilfully slide out from her tight embrace earning some protesting sighs. "Don't-"

"Shh, sleep." I gently order once I'm free, leaning down I kiss her on the forehead pulling the sheet up to cover her. I steal once last glance at her before I force myself away. Time to be a ninja. I manage to successfully sneak out of her room, down the hall and the stares all without making a noise. Mr. Lee has nothing on me. I look at the front door remembering it tends to creek, rerouting I start into the kitchen for the back door. My heart stops and my eyes widen as I find Mrs. Fields sitting at the table coffee in hand scowling at me from behind her cup that shes sipping. "Mrs. Fields. I—I was-"

"Sneaking out."

"No. Well yes but I had-"

"Fallen asleep last night."

"Yes. I'm really sorry. Nothing-"

"Happen." okay wow this finishing sentences runs in the family. I force an awkward yet polite smile out as I shift nervously under her scowl.

"I really am sorry and I promise you nothing happen. I honestly don't even remember falling asleep."

"I know."

"Oh okay." And I thought Em's scowl was bad. Guess I know where she learned it from.

"I had came to check on you two and you were both asleep sitting up. Sort of hard to think anything happened when you're asleep like that."

"Yeah." I nervously laugh out and wait a minute before edging toward the door. "Again I'm sorry. Won't happen again."

"Yes it will." dammit was almost free, feeling my cheeks pinking I turn back around to face her. "I know my daughter has been sneaking out to see you. After three sleepovers with Hanna and two with Aria in less then a month I kind of figured she was going to see you."

"Yeah," I let my head fall. "Sorry again."

"Where are your parents?" I feel a brief rush of defensiveness rush through me at the question, more accurately her tone but I push it off this was not the adult to mouth of to, nope definitely not.

"They're busy. They have a lot of work or business trips or fundraisers to go too."

"And they just leave you all alone?"

"Yes ma'am. I don't really do anything just school work and cleaning and well now spending time with Emily."

"So they aren't here today."

"No, ma'am. My mother is with family and my father on business until Saturday." she raises an eyebrow and takes a few sips of her coffee. I feel myself getting increasingly nervous by the second and I just wanna run but something tells me she hasn't dismissed me yet. It was amazing the resemblance between her and her daughter, of course the beauty but also the facial expressions. They were almost identical when scowling or irritated or trying to get information. She sets her cup down and it makes a soft thud and I can't help but swallow the lump in my throat wondering what was coming.

"Be here at six for dinner." okay wasn't expecting that. "Since my daughter is spending every possible moment with you I think it's appropriate wouldn't you agree."

"Yes." it doesn't sound genuine but she accepts it as she politely smiles and nods. I guess that's my cue so I nod myself before rushing off. Never had I had a conversation more nerve wrecking then that. I reply it in my head a few times on the walk home until I realize that I've just been summoned to dinner with Emily's mom. I remember Em telling me briefly how that's what led to Maya being shipped off the first time. I feel my stomach start to do cartwheels. Oh God, shes gonna try and ship me somewhere. I don't know where cause I don't do anything but that doesn't mean she won't try. Oh God, I don't feel so good. I take a couple deep breaths trying to calm myself, I couldn't have a panic attack now not when it was barely six in the morning and I still had all of school and some change to make it through.

**Thursday-Night**

"Hey," I greet weakly with a poor attempt at a smile as Emily opens the door with her own distraught expression. She does better with her smile and gives me a nod, there's a awkward moment where we just stand here not knowing what to do since we usually kiss or hug when we see each other but at the moment that didn't feel appropriate. "Plan to let me in or are we eating out here?" I tease and she shoots a no-nonsense look. Oh boy this is gonna rough. She steps aside letting me in and I quietly follow her into the dinning room where there's three places set, the food already on the table her mother sitting at the head of table.

"Paige."

"Ma'am." I don't know why I had the strange determination to call her ma'am but I did, maybe it was because she scared me so much. I sit to her right while Em goes around to her left.

For the first thirty minutes or so there was only short conversation made, Mrs. Fields asking how I was doing in school and swimming. How I was doing after the Nate incident, that was a subject quickly swept over with how uncomfortable Em was I'm not sure if it was the incident itself that made her so jumpy or the mentioning of Maya that did it. It was always weird when she was brought up weather it was one of us who did it or someone else the tension and awkwardness has yet to fade. She asks a little more about my parents and I give her the polite answer I give everyone when they ask. I was no stranger to the questions as to why I was normally left alone fifteen to twenty days out of the month eventually people stopped asking but I guess since I'm dating her daughter she feels the need to go through the routine.

Dinner itself was actually amazing and the fact of actually having a 'family' dinner at a table was interesting in itself something I'm not to experienced in. Either mom or dad would be on their phone at some point, or the discussion would be work related or bills things that weren't really supposed to be talked about at the table or at least that's what they show on t.v. But those were the lucky days, mostly I would just make myself something or other, takeout occasionally.

"So have you started to think about college?" I take a sip of water needing to think of the proper answer, truth be told I hadn't given it a tiny ounce of my attention but that's not the answer you tell the significant others parent.

"I have some, but as of this moment I'm throwing most of my attention at the school work I have now. Trying to get my grades up now that way when it's time to apply my application will look better."

"Hm," she grins at me at study's me but surprisingly enough I don't brake under the icy glare I just smile and continue eating. "What's your grade point as of now that you would need to study so hard?"

"Mom," Emily lets out softly giving her a look she ignores.

"It's at a steady three point two-three only because I'm having trouble with math at the moment."

"Still impressive," she pauses to take a drink and I can feel the butterflies starting to rile up, after forty-five minutes shes finally found something. Well I made it longer then I thought I would. "I wouldn't worry though I didn't do very well in math myself. Took a lot of work to get where I am now, you've always struck me as a hard worker I'm sure you'll get it up." WHAT? WAIT! Did I just hear that right? Did she just really bypass something she could use as a flaw and give me a somewhat complement? My eyes dance over the table to Em who looks slightly surprised herself while playing with her food.

"Thank you, I try." silence falls over us again and after much internal debate I decide to speak up. "The food is amazing."

"Thank you, but I know you're just saying that."

"No, really it is. I've tried to make this type of chicken before myself a couple of times and I could never get it to stay crispy on the outside."

"You cook?" Emily lets out with a surprised look, finally looking up from her plate.

"Yeah, well I** try**. I'm not great so it's not one of the qualities I've tried to charm you with," I say in a soft chuckle and she smiles until we both realize that might have been taken as flirting and had the sound of Mrs. Fields own chuckle not followed ours I would have thrown in the towel and panicked.

"Well then I guess it's good you're quite a charmer without it," Did I just get another complement? I don't understand what's happening? Where is the scary woman I was expecting? The one who shipped off Maya and didn't approve of Emily at one time and was in the kitchen this morning looking like a Bond villain. Em's eyes keep shooting between me and her mother looking just as taken off guard. Talk continued on the lighter side of things, school things and Em's work. Brief discussion about the three musketeers. Even Emily had seemed to relax enough to participate every couple of minutes but she seemed so far off in her own little world that I tried to keep things focused on me. Ha! There's something I never thought I would willingly do. "You know your father is gonna be disappointed he missed this." Em smiles softly a weird sadness following, I know shes missing him she never really brings it up but anytime hes mentioned in passing it's obvious to see.

"I would love to meet him, Em has told me a lot about him." she genuinely smiles at me, and gives me another look I really don't know what it means, guess her and Em do have some different expressions I was wondering there for a bit.

"They've always been really close." she stands taking her plate and then mine. "I think he would really like you." she grabs Em's plate and heads into the kitchen leaving us alone for the first time. She takes a deep breath looking relieved but I'm saving that for latter, no thank you I've done good so far even surprising myself no way in hell I'm gonna relax and let my guard down now to mess up. Nope I've tried to hard.

"Would you like some help?" I offer starting to stand when she reenters.

"No. Thank you though." she grins again and I start feeling nervous again. "Tell you what, Emily why don't you drive Paige home so she doesn't have to walk." she pulls her keys out of her pocket and hands them to Em. "I do expect you back though," she says before turning her attention back to me. "Thank you for coming."

"Thank you for having me, it was wonderful." well I may be being dismissed but at least it's politely this time.

"I hope you can come again. Her father should be returning soon, would be nice for us all to have dinner."

"Of course." I smile and nod extending my hand to her, not sure why but it felt like the thing to do. "Thank you again." I repeat as she takes my hand. Despite the awkwardness it was kind of nice. Em says her quick goodbye before leading the way to the car. True bike riding to her house is maybe ten minutes, walking about fifteen to twenty but in car anywhere between two and five. We stay quiet for a few stop signs and I don't know why It feels so weird . She was quiet and serious not mad just serious, I open my mouth a few times but decide against it. I guess I used all my courage with her mother. We pull up in front of my house and I can't believe how fast we've gotten here. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah." she says a little to fast her attention still at the steering wheel. "Yeah, why?" she repeats this time looking at me.

"I don't know you just seem off. I'm sorry if I did something weird tonight I thought it went okay."

"No. No Paige you did great I actually think my mother likes you oddly enough."

"Yeah that is kinda odd." I say in a forced chuckle letting my eyes fall to my lap trying not to sound hurt from the comment.

"I didn't mean it like that. Really. I just I don't know what I was expecting really but—I mean the first time she tried having dinner with someone I was dating-" she pauses catching herself. "Just—"

"Em, you don't have to baby me. I can hear her name, you can talk about her. I'm not going to Hulk out."

"I-I'm not-"

"Yes you are. With your friends the other day. When your mom's conversation came near her. Now. I understand that it's hard for you still but I don't need you to do it on my account. I love that you're trying to protect me and be considerate of my feelings but you do this and then it's like you're hiding her. Hiding your memories and I don't want that. I don't want you to feel like you can't talk to me or you're doing something wrong if you think about her." we fall silent and even though I don't bother to look up I can see her out of the corner of my eye and she isn't looking up either.

"I'm sorry. I want—I don't know I'm trying so hard to—after that night and what you said I just," she stops and I look up to make sure shes okay.

"Emily do you want to be with me?" her attention shoots up to me at record speed, her eyebrow raised. "Are you just with me to distract yourself from her?" her face tenses and she opens her mouth. "Are you thinking about her when you're with me?"

"Paige-"

"I know the answers to these questions, and you do too. Maybe at first I was iffy, maybe I didn't know maybe you didn't really know either but now I don't have any doubts. Do you?" her face softens and she looks at me with such a warm, gentle look it takes everything in me to fight the urge to take her in my arms. "I would never ask you to forget her, I would never want you to. Because shes a part of you, your time with her changed you and make you who you are. And I love who you are." I swallow, my body stiffening as I realize my choice of words or really just my choice of one word. Her eyes shoot back up to me and we just stare at one another, neither speaking.

"Paige-"

"I'm gonna go. But please stop worrying." I rush out, reaching over pulling her in for a quick hug before pushing open the door all in a matter of seconds. "Tell your mom thank you again." I try to get out but am pulled back against the seat, damn belt. Shaking off the embarrassment I can worry about later I manage to brake free and I hear her say my name again, her hand reaches out for me but I'm already out of the car. "Bye Em. Text me later." she calls out my name again just as I close the door, and I turn almost running up to my front door. I don't hear the car drive off, so I know shes still there but I refuse to turn around and reaffirm it. Despite a little fumble with my keys I make it into my house, slamming the door before leaning up against it. Still I don't hear her drive away and I let my eyes shut, praying she'll just drive away. Praying she won't try and discuss what I just said. Praying she'll let it go. It takes a full minute but I finally hear the car pull away and I let my body relax. I guess sometimes praying does work.

**Saturday**

Well here we are at attempt number three-hundred and forty-five of me and the musketeers bonding. We're walking up to the door and I'm trying to look happy, really I'm trying but the numbness in my legs is making it hard. We had all stuffed ourselves in Aria's car which was nice but not nice for fitting five of us in it for a forty minute drive. Two only good points I could see was one, Caleb didn't come so that was a little bit of extra room and two Em had to practically sit in my lap for most of the ride. Least I'm looking for the silver lining.

"This looks fun." Aria exclaimed a little too excited.

"Yeah, yeah." Spencer says looking around the place obviously not thrilled with the establishment. "I don't really get the point of this. It." she rushes to get out the last part as her three friends attention shot to her, scowls following. "It as in bowling not as in being here."

"It's supposed to be fun. It's a sport and Emily and Paige are sporty so-" Hanna said playfully shaking her head side to side trying to appear in a good mood but I honestly wouldn't blame her if she wasn't since she was the one stuck in back with us.

"But that's not the only reason we're here." Aria says elbowing Hanna in the side earning a shocked look in response. "I think I could beat both of the athletic people here. True you two got me on running but I think I've got this." she says forcing another smile and I can't help but chuckle at how hard she's trying. "Shoes?"

The place it's self it decent, it's clean and nice but lets face it, it wasn't gonna be on North America's top five-hundred places to go over even America's top fifteen-hundred but still. It's busy but most of them our age, a couple we recognize from school. It makes me laugh, for some reason it reminds me of the first time me and Em went out in some run down, hole in the wall. Funny how much can change in a few months. Wow it's only been about a year since everything it feels like forever.

Since it was pretty packed it took us a few minutes to get shoes which Spencer complained about until Emily's death glare shut her up. After that it was another couple minutes before we got a lane, Aria never complained but did spend a lot of time texting Ezra until Hanna took her phone and made some comment about if she wasn't aloud neither was she. I don't know why they don't think I can hear them sometimes but I let it go. The first half-hour went decent, despite all the complaining Spencer was decent getting six out of the ten strikes that were made. Aria did decent herself with Hanna coming in way behind. Emily was doing okay but her attention was so focused on trying to 'control' her friends so her game suffered a bit.

"Whooo-hooo! Go Paige!" Hanna yelled as I made a strike as she jumped up from her seat, waving her hands, Emily who was standing to the side of me waiting her turn just raised an eyebrow but let it go as I went back to my seat.

"Get any more excited and Em is gonna think you're trying to date her girlfriend." Spencer attempts to whisper while smiling at me, I really don't know why they think I can't hear them. Is this like some lesbian myth that we have horrible hearing or something like how people think we're all veterinarians? Cause I can hear perfectly and I like meat so I don't get whats up with this. Hanna just rolls her eyes as she smiles at me and to be honest it's kinda creepy when the smile last longer then a minute.

"Straighten your elbow." Spencer shouts to Em.

"No! Bend it!" Aria advises.

"Just go kick the pins down." was Hanna's advice which earned her a look. "What her score seriously needs some sprucing up."

"Your one to talk." Spencer says point to the bored, with her name in last.

"Hey. Hey. I don't have a girlfriend here to impress with my skills."

"Thank you. Thank you all so much." Emily lets out frustratedly as her attempt went speeding down the gutter. Maybe it was her friends or maybe the fact that she didn't like to lose but she was definitely starting to get irritated. "I'm fine." she almost barked scowling down her friends which I couldn't help but chuckle at as I stood up making my way to her.

"You okay?" I whisper.

"Fine. I'll get this one." she attempts to toss it and it doesn't even go down the lane or to the gutter. This time it's my turn to get her scowl when I laugh as she makes her way back to me with the ball. "I meant to do that."

"Lemme help, please." I manage to get out through my giggles as I maneuver myself behind her and wrapped my arm around hers, rocking it back and forth twice before she let it go, the ball making it's way down the lane with impressive speed knocking over all ten of the pins. She spins around wrapping her arms around my neck pulling me into a quick kiss that makes at least two of her three friends whistle but they fade out the longer her lips are on mine.

"Wow. Maybe you need to give me some of those lessons." Hanna says as we make our way back to them. "What?" she asks as they look at her weirdly. "What? Not the kissing and Patrick Swazy style touching just so my score actually looks like I'm playing this game."

Soon after that Emily managed to loosen up and Hanna became the life of the party, she was actually really nice and funny in an odd doesn't completely think about what she is saying way. We stuck around for four games Spencer winning two of them, me one and the fourth tied with me and her. Em wasn't happy that she had lost but since the rest of the night was pretty decent she stayed pretty chipper. By the time we left the forty minute drive went pretty quickly all things considering at least this time there was some pleasant small talk made.

Eventually I just let my head rest against the window while Em fell asleep on my shoulder. I stayed quiet, sure things were evening out between me and them but I don't see me becoming the fifth musketeer any time soon, so I stay out of the conversation that soon turns to just Aria and Spencer in the front seat since Hanna took Em's lead and fell out. Soon enough they quiet down enough for me to start to drift off, guess tonight wasn't a horrible loss if you look at in a whole.


	15. Revenge Can Be Sweet

**Chapter Fifteen : Revenge Can Be Sweet When It Doesn't Involve A Hoodie**

**Sunday**

I smile awkwardly across the table at her as she looks at me with a look that could only be compared to the smile a cat gets when it's caught the cannery. I want to ask what it was about since she's had the same smile since she randomly picked me up in her mother's car and dragged me here to the middle of no where.

"I'm kinda surprised they're still here." I say letting my eyes drift around the semi-busy bar. It'll always in a weird way hold a special place with me since it's where we had our first date but lets face it, it wasn't a five star place not to mention we had only came here cause I was so much of a chicken back then.

"It's only been a few months,"

"No. No, I know I just mean even then I spotted a couple dozen health code violations, we're here." I say it softly not wanting anyone to get offended or catch onto the fact that we are underage that would be all we need, to have our parents called to pick us up from a bar, I can bet my parents wouldn't let that one slide.

"We're a health code violation?" her eyebrow raises, her smile growing. "Really?"

"I meant to add an and in there." I huff out, already feeling my cheeks heating. Ah well made it a full hour and a half with her before I blushed, I'm getting better.

"Mm, I bet you did." she holds her cup to her lips trying to hide her growing smile and I can't help but wonder if shes drunk.

"Em, why are we here?"

"What? You don't wanna spend time with me?"

"I didn't say that," I stop all traces of guilt vanishing when I hear her muffled giggle. "Emily seriously are you okay? I'm getting kinda worried."

"Okay, okay." she sets her drink down looking almost giddy. I wasn't even aware she could get giddy. "So you remember our first date?"

"Of course." I smile the memories coming to the forefront of my mind. "Every second."

"Well then you should have no problem remembering what I told you that night," I can feel myself make a face as I try and figure out what shes getting at. She had told me a lot of things that night, as to which she was talking about? No idea. I watch her stand up, taking a step away from the table and then another. "About," she pauses as she takes something from the waitress I can't quite see since she has it behind her back. "how I would get revenge. Ringing any bells McCullers?" Revenge? Revenge? Was I at the same date cause I don't-Oh no. She wouldn't. She wouldn't. She raises her hand up with the microphone, a medium, country-pop beat playing in the background. She would.

_/ I don't want another heart-brake_

_I don't need another turn to cry, No_

_I don't wanna learn the hard way_

_Baby hello, oh no goodbye _

_But you got me like a rocket shooting straight across the sky_

_It's the way you love me_

_It's a feeling like this / _

"Can everybody help me get my friend up here?" she asks through a giggle, and a smile so wide I'm sure it hurts. I let my eyes fall to the table as the entire bar starts clapping and rooting for me, and by now I'm sure cheeks could give a tomato a run for it's money. Shes swaying with the beat coming toward me I guess realizing there was no way in hell I was getting up and singing. NOPE. NOT HAPPENING. I don't even know what came over me that night that possessed me to do that but it wasn't happening again. Nope. "Come on," she says grabbing my hand and pulling me up. I swear she does weights in her free time.

She smiling so genuinely, a pure happiness written not only over her face but in her eyes something I hadn't seen in such a long time. Her body is close to mine, her free hand resting on my side. I can hear the entire place hooting and hollering but looking into her eyes it doesn't bother me quite as much as it did a second ago.

_/Cinderella said to snow white how does love_

_get so far off coarse_

_All I wanted was a white knight_

_With a good heart, soft touch, fast horse_

_Ride me off into the sunset_

_Baby I'm forever yours /_

She squeezes my side and gives me her best pouty face and I feel my heart melting beneath my chest. Maybe it was her touch, or her smile or the sweet, soothing sound of her voice. Maybe it was the choice of song or better yet the lyrics and how she had put emphasis on certain words. Maybe it was everything. She takes a step back, her hand sliding from my side to my hand. Dammit! She won. Fine I give in. Fine.

_/ It's the way you love me _

_It's a feeling like this_

_It's centrifugal motion_

_It's perpetual bliss /_

I sing softly, letting her do most of it but she accepts it or at least I think she does as she finishes the last couple lines her million watt smile still firmly over her lips. There's an array of applauds and whistles in the background as we just stand here staring at each other and I wanna do exactly what the song was talking about, I wanted to pull her to me and kiss her but I stay still for a moment until I feel myself yet again being pulled toward the door, I can't help but laugh as she hands the microphone to some random bystander right before we make it through the door.

"I can't believe I did it!" she laughs as she continues to pull me through the parking lot toward the car. "AH! I can't believe it." she continues laughing it only halting when we reach the car, her abruptly stopping and doing some weird push-pull thing where I'm wedged between the car and her.

"Em-" was all I could get out before her lips were on mine. Maybe it was the surprise or the adrenaline or all of the above but I felt my knees weaken with every second her lips were pressed to mine.

"You're shaking," she whispers as her lips part from mine, her forehead resting against mine, her hands sliding up and down my arms.

"Um, yeah I—um-I'm cold-?" wow. Smooth Paige out of all the things I could have went with I go with cold and not just cold but I studder it out. Very smooth.

"I'm sure," the corners of her mouth turn up into another smile as she leans back into me, a series of short playful pecks following.

"Are you happy?" I ask trying to look angry when we brake apart but I know I'm failing.

"When I'm with you always," she pauses letting me make my way around the car to the passenger's side. "But if you're talking about getting my revenge? Then yes I am beyond happy. I'm—I'm-"

"Giddy?"

"Amongst other things." her smile turns to a devilish grin as she winks before disappearing into the car. God I love this woman.

**Monday**

The night itself was beautiful, the moon full and bright accompanied by a surprising amount of stars that danced across the clear navy sky. The occasionally breeze another nice surprise to an otherwise warm night. I had never really been the type of person to sit and discuss how beautiful a day or a sunrise was but for some reason I was feeling extra chipper today. There had been no school, I had a pretty successful weekend with Em, despite her pulling a double we texted pretty much all day. And now I was making my way to surprise her and walk her home, pretty charming thing to do if I say so myself. Since she could surprise me yesterday I figured to aim for a less embarrassing one myself.

I look around the empty street as I pass the closed Brew, I can see her a few feet away and I think about calling out but with how quiet it is I decide against it, instead I just walk a little faster trying to catch up.

"I don't want to sneak up on you, so should I yell or whistle or do a dance of some sort?" I joke as I get close enough that she can hear me without yelling.

"Funny."

"I try," I say as I pick up the pace maneuvering myself in front of her, I'm walking backwards and in the back of my mind I'm beyond worried I'm gonna trip but seeing her calms me as it always does. I pull out a single rose I had been hiding behind my back, extending it to her.

"Charming." she says flatly taking it from me, and suddenly my confidence and almost perky mood starts to slip away.

"You okay?"

"I'm fine."

"You sure?'

"Yeah."

"Emily-" she spins around, jaw clenched and her normally dreamy eyes fixed into a scowl. I swallow the thump in my throat not completely sure what to do. This was no where near the response I was expecting considering the past couple of days had been pretty much perfect from the dinner to the surprising ambush at Joe's I mean the only bump in the road we've had was my slip up but I can't see how that would upset her. Bet she doesn't even remember that.

"I don't need another parent Paige, I'm able of walking myself home."

"Em I wasn't trying to parent you or any thing like that I was just-" I stop not knowing what else to say. And I can tell she feels bad but instead of apologizing she starts walking up the last block to her house. "Why are you mad?"

"I'm not."

"I wish you would tell me what I did so we can talk about it," she looks at me eyebrow raised but I let my eyes fall to the ground unable to face her. "So I can apologize."

"You don't have anything to apologize for not **technically**." the 'not technically' part was whispered with a hint of sarcasm.

"Do you want space?"

"What?"

"Do you want space? Like am I-am I around you too much? I know I sometimes get to excited and pushy. If you want me to-"

"To what?"

"Want me to leave you alone for a bit," I keep my eyes on the ground refusing to meet her gaze. "to give you space." it would kill me but I'd do it if it was what she needed.

"No. Paige I don't want you to leave me alone." she sounds angrier then when we started and I have no idea how I've managed to mess up. "And I'm not mad. I'm just-"

"Just what?'

"Disappointed."

"In me?" I ask as we reach her steps, she spins around almost knocking me down. She starts to speak but stops and I feel like I've been kicked in the stomach. She just shakes her head and finishes up the steps even pushes open the door before I get the nerve to follow her.

"I'm not disappointed in you Paige, at least not in the way you're thinking." What? There's more then one way to be disappointed in someone? "Thank you for walking me home. I'll see you tomorrow." I stand here helpless as I watch her walk inside. No goodbye hug or kiss or even a polite forced smile. Nope she just walks in a begins closing the door. "I do too, you know." she says it so serious, her words and expression adding in a slight nod as though I should know exactly what she mean.

"Do too what?" I ask but she just shakes her head and repeats goodnight before closing the door leaving me dumbfound staring at it. Do too what? I repeat the question at least ten times to myself before finally forcing myself to turn and walk away.

My stomach is in knots and I almost feel sick. I don't understand what I've done or what I said to make her so angry although it wasn't really anger more of well I don't really know the word it was just dismissive. She was fine at dinner, fine when we went to the bar and even fine when we were texting sure she was busy working so it wasn't like we were having long, in depth conversations but still there wasn't any hints as to 'please don't pick me up from work I really don't want to see you'.

I'm starting to see what guys mean when they say we have mood swings. I know I'm pouting to myself but I can't help it. The harder I think of something I did the less I can come up with. And what the hell does I do too mean? I do too—i do too—hm could she mean what I let slip in the car? No. it can't be. If it was then why would she be mad? Is it something to make her mad? I mean I didn't come out and say it, it came out in an unconscious slip. Or maybe that's why she is mad because I didn't come out and say it.

"Welcome home." I hear my father say from the couch but I don't bother to look. "Hello to you too young lady." Yeah. Yeah. I huff to myself as I jog up the stairs to my room. Jumping onto my bed I hid my head under my pillow, God sometimes life can be so damn complicated.

**Tuesday**

"Hey." I let out jogging up behind Emily who doesn't stop her jogging but does slow down slightly. I'll take that as a good sign. "Hey."

"Hey."

"You left fast after class I had to hunt down Hanna to find you."

"Clever."

"So you're mad again." she doesn't say anything as we take a corner, a little to sharply in my opinion since she almost trips from bumping into me but still she doesn't stop. "If anyone has a right to be grumpy it would be me since I didn't sleep all night."

"Why not? Up with your other girlfriend?"

"What? No." I give her a scowl of my own, maybe it's because I didn't get sleep or maybe because I'm just in a bad mood cause we've been fighting but I'm not in the mood to get scolded by her for no apparent reason. "Because of your little 'I do too' last night. Kept me up all night trying to figure out what you meant and why you were dismissive."

"Well now you know how I felt." a couple more feet and she stops to my relief considering I was starting to get a cramp in my leg.

"But I didn't say anything."

"No. You **didn't**. You **did** let something slip though."

"It was an accident." I feel my irritation fade away while my embarrassment starts to kick up. I stick my hands in my pockets idly tapping my sides.

"Some bells can't be un-rung Paige." she has her hand on her hip, her eyes focused on my face the frustration radiating off her. I don't know what to do. What to say. Was she waiting for me to say it or better yet did she want me too? Would she say it back? Was I ready to admit it? True I've loved her since I was fourteen but there's been so much that's happen and was now the right time? I don't want her to say it just because I do. When she says it if she does I want her to mean it. "So..."

"So."

"I guess that's that then." she huffs out.

"I guess so. We've both confused each other and irritated each other. Call it even?" I say with a forced grin doing my best to lighten the mood.

"Fine." she huffs and starts to turn to run off but I use my superman like reflexes to grab her wrist and pull her back to me, capturing her lips, my hands going up gently holding her face. At first she seemed to protest but thankfully it was only for a second before her hands went over mine and then slowly slid down my arms. "You're lucky you're an amazing kisser otherwise-" she whispers as she pulls back.

"Or what?" I tease pulling back myself.

"Or I'd be able to stay mad at you."

"I thought you weren't mad though?" I continue to tease taking steps backward seeing she seems to be back to normal.

"Shut up." she lets out in a chuckle as she tries scowling but it just looks like a cute pout.

"Make me," I challenge and for a second we're still, just look at one another, but if there is anything I know it's her so I can see she's readying to come at me and I take off both of us giggling.

Was there yet another thing to add to the '_need to talk about_' pile? Yes. But it wasn't the time, it was too soon. Or maybe I'm still as much of a chicken as before and just don't want to admit it but either way I just wasn't ready. I push the thoughts out of my mind as she catches up to me wrapping her warms around my waist, pulling me to a stop. Yup this is so much better then a serious discussion.


	16. Highlights Are Not For Everyone

**Chapter Sixteen : Highlights Are Not For Everyone **

**Thursday-Noon**

"Do you ever think about the future?" she asks but I don't respond instead I just keep looking at up the small piece of baby blue sky I can see through the abundances of trees, luckily the season's changes have started to kick in and they are starting to thin out other wise I'd have nothing but greenery. Our fingers are intertwined so of course I feel it when she gives a light squeeze but still I don't answer.

Of course I think about the future, our future. Who doesn't? I've thought a million times over about what's going to happen when it's time for college. Will she stay, will I or will we go somewhere together or will that be it. Maybe we'd try the long distance deal although I've heard that never works even though for her I'd try anything. I'm not gonna lie I've thought about us going to some collage in a big city, in a big school away from my family and this town with all it's baggage. A place where we could be open, a place where we'd have a completely fresh start. A place where we could make it ours and not be haunted by the ghost of not only our past but everyone else. But then again that's assuming she would want that, assuming she would want to stay together.

"Earth to Paige?"

"Yeah sorry. I do sometimes bout some stuff."

"Like?" she chuckles.

"Just stuff I don't know, it's not like I've given it a big deal of thought." I'm lying and she knows or maybe she just doesn't like my answer, her grip losses on mine. "Have you?"

"Yeah. Sometimes bout some stuff." I stay quiet letting the tension blow over, even though there is this tenseness that's now surrounding the two of us. "Isn't it nice here? It always reminds me of us, for a while after we—I couldn't come through here cause it reminded me of you."

"Yeah it's nice." I shrug.

"Sound less convincing would ya?" she nudges my foot with her own, I can tell she has her head turned so shes looking right at me but I keep my eyes up on the sky.

"It just reminds me of—never mind."

"No of what?'

"Never mind." I shrug again. I don't wanna tell her that it reminds me of us in a brake up way, how this place holds old memories I'd rather forget. Memories of times when I was a far worse person who could only destroy everything I touched. But she somehow seemed to have this slightly romanticized view of us here and I didn't want to ruin that after all I'd like her to have some nice memories of us. I finally turn my head to face her and give her a forced, goofy smile. "It's nothing."

"I hate when you do that." she huffed sitting up while pulling her hand from mine giving me no choice but to follow.

"Do what?"

"That. This. This whole never mind, doesn't matter, forget it, not important deal thing you do." I raise an eyebrow at her halfhearted mock impression of me.

"First that impression? So not me. And second, I don't always do that."

"Yes you do," she turns her head again toward me so I get the full effect of her words, it was unnecessary though her tone is making her point perfectly clear. "Paige there are things to talk about. Things that we need to discuss, things that need to be said." Ah, see why I hate this spot. It's cursed I'm telling you it like lesbian brake up central and I can say that with full confidence since Rosewood lesbian population is two and we've broke up once here and looks like we are aiming at round two. "I love that you want to protect me from—everything, I do and it's one of the things I treasure most about you because I know I'm always safe with you but you seem to think I need protection from EVERYTHING. I don't. And I really, really don't need protection from you or your feelings."

"What does that mean?" I pull back a bit.

"It means that any time you have an opinion or something that might not please me you shy away from it."

"I don't."

"Then tell me what you honestly think about when you think about your future? Or better yet ours?" she raises an eyebrow her features staying firm. "No? Okay tell me why you don't like out here?" I stay quiet something that only seems to anger her more. "Paige I don't feel like I'm in a relationship, I feel like I'm on ESPN's thirty second highlights reel."

"What?" Did she just say ESPN? Did she just compare our relationship to ESPN? What? She knocks me out of my confusion as she stands, brushing herself off as I follow her lead.

"Our relationship since we got back together minus our near death experience has been—been perfect. It's every time we're together we're happy and it's amazing and just-"

"Perfect."

"Yes!" she huffs, looking angrier then before. I stay silent not because I don't want to answer I just don't know what to say. I'm still partially on the ESPN comment and now I think shes complaining because we're doing too good? Is that a thing? Can your relationship be too perfect? WHO complains about that?

"You're mad because we have a good relationship?"

"Not good. Perfect." again I stay quiet. "I know you hide a lot of your feelings and I've over looked it a lot hoping you'd be comfortable in time but you still don't bring it up and when I do you still don't say anything. Sometimes it makes things feel fake."

"oh," I didn't mean to say it, it just came out like when your punched in the stomach and you can't help but make a sound. Yeah that's how I'm feeling at the moment so I guess the sound was expected. I honestly don't know what to say any more, or what to do. She looks so upset with me and I don't understand why. I don't understand what I've done wrong.

"I've always just wanted to be in love and be in a relationship. A really **real** one, you know? One that you get lost in. One that is just real. That yes there are amazing moments and almost everything feels right but also where there is disagreements and fights. Fights that make you so angry by the end you don't even remember why you were mad to start with. Fights where you stop talking for a day but after an hour or two all you can think about is how your life doesn't feel right because you haven't talked to that person. A relationship where you can't stand the thought of going to sleep angry at them. One where you're open and honest and it'll hurt sometimes but in the end you feel even closer to that person because you know they trust you enough to confide their insecurities and fears."

"And you don't have that with me," it wasn't a question I didn't even insult her by making it one I knew the answer. I knew I wasn't giving her this, at least not all of it.

"I don't know. I mean when we're together I'm happy, I feel safe. I know I trust you with my life."

"But-?"

"But I feel I never know where I stand with you any more." she swallows and lets her eyes drop to the dirt. "It feels like you don't trust me, not enough to confide in me. It feels sometimes you don't care enough to-"

"To what?' I ask slightly harsher then I meant to. Maybe it was my hurt feelings or the building fear that this was finally it for us. Or maybe at the fact that she thinking I don't care is beyond enraging.

"To fight with me. To get jealous. To lose control with me every once and a while. To just throw yourself into us to the point where it's scary but beyond exciting. I keep wanting to, I keep trying and every time I do it feels like you're taking a step back."

"So because I don't act like some crazed teenage boy trying to hump your leg every ten seconds, because I want to spare your feelings and because I don't act over possessive all the time like I use too you aren't happy? Are you sure you're gay Em cause what you're describing is most of the male population." I spat back taking a few steps away from her, my pride, hurt feelings and frustration mixing.

"That's not how I meant it."

"Yes it is."

"You took it out of context."

"What do you want then?"

"You!" we both freeze, staring at one another. "I want you Paige." I blink a few times staring at her, the frustration disappearing as I notice the tears building in her eyes that shes trying to hide. "We broke up because you were hiding a part of yourself, and now yeah you're out but you've just found a new part of yourself to hide from me."

"I'm not hiding," it's a lie and we both know it. "it's just the bad parts, the insecurities and the fears and the-the dark parts of myself."

"When I said I wanted you I meant all of you. The good, the bad and everything in between." she takes the few steps into me, her hand going to my cheek and I just want to have her hold me, to hide away in her comfort. "The dark parts of you don't scare me. They don't even make me cautious."

"How can you say that?" I gently remove her hand. "Those fears and insecurities and everything in between you so desperately want is what led to me trying to drown you. To me hurting you."

"Let it go. I've gotten over it, why can't you?'

"That's not something you just get over," I huff I don't understand how she can just act like it's nothing.

"It was at a difficult time. You were confused and scared and it's not like you were trying to murder me, you were trying to scare me. You dunking me under the water for a couple seconds doesn't even make my list of top twenty-five scariest things to happen to me in the year."

"It's not a joke," I put a few more feet of distance between us, turning so most of my back is to her.

"I'm not laughing." she grips my wrist and turns me to face her.

"How can you just be so—so forgiving. So willing to take this chance-"

"Because I-" she pauses dropping my hand and shaking her head almost in defeat. "If you have to ask that now, after everything then we have bigger problems then you not wanting to share your feelings." I can feel I'm making a face, I'm sure it resembles confusion since she only seems to get more and more agitated. Was she going to say '_because I love you'_? No it couldn't have been, could it? Is that what this is about? "I have to go." she simply lets out and makes a dash for it. "We'll talk later."

"Em,"

"No. We'll talk later." she calls over her shoulder, I know that tone. It's the 'I'm done and that's that' tone. So I just watch her walk away, or if we're going to be technical speed walk away.

"I love you," I whisper to myself, a indescribable wave washing over me as I hear myself say the words. It's the first time I've ever said the actual three words aloud. No slips or mixs up. Not in an internal rambling, nope said aloud. Now if only I could say it to her.

**Thursday-Night**

"_tell them other girls they can hit the exit, check please cause I've finally found the girl of my dreams_," she signing to herself, literally to herself there isn't even any music and I can't help but smile to myself as I stand at her door way. She slightly swaying while continuing to sing the pop song I wasn't even aware she liked, still tossing pillows off her bed onto the floor. She is just—i don't even have a word for her any more. I was so hurt and upset the whole day and now I can't help the goofy smile on my face.

"You're surprisingly girly," I say softly remaining still. Part of me just wanted to watch her dance around but something told me if she turned around to find me staring it wouldn't be welcomed especially with how rocky things were between us already.

"I'm not. What are you doing here?" she asks first normally, then suddenly her cheeks start to pinken. "How long were you standing there?"

"Not long, not long at all." she smiles in relief, almost instantly her face turning back to it's firm, unpleasant expression. She turns back to what she was doing.

"So this girl of your dreams-?" it's barely out of my mouth as she spins around tossing a pillow at me that I catch. "What? I thought you liked when I was creepy, stalker me?" I can't help the laugh and she tosses the last pillow at me. Of course I catch this one too.

"Why are you here?" she folds her arms over her chest, shes trying to look angry but it's coming out as a pout, her cheeks still pink.

"I had wanted to talk,"

"Well then say what you have to say." feisty and pouting is strange yet sexy combo. "I'm busy."

"I can't," she give me this 'why not' look. "See I had this whole planed speech slash apology but I-" I'm fighting a smile as shes attempting to scowl. "with your musical number I forgot it."

"You're lucky I don't have another pillow."

"Did you want one?" I hold my hands out, pillow in each as I walk half way in to meet her. "I'll even stand still so you could have a better chance of actually hitting me."

"You're such an ass." she huffs pulling back her comforter, a smile tugging at the corner of her lips.

"I have a question," I say softly, my smile vanishing, my tone even now. It takes a second but she turns around and I take another two steps toward her. "Just one,"

"What?" she asks slightly softer then before.

"Do you," I take another step so we're only inches apart, her deep, beautiful eyes peering into mine and my heart skips a beat. "take requests?" it takes a second for her to get it, and everything in me not to let out my laugh. Her features harden again and her lips part slightly I'm sure to scold me but I take her by surprise my lips on her's. To my surprise she doesn't resist instead just leans into me, dropping the pillows my hands find a home on her waist.

**Friday-Morning**

"Well mom is finally asleep," she whispers while gently closing the door. I look at the clock 1:15 a.m. Shes tip-toeing through the darkness of the room and I'm sure she hits something by the growling mumble I hear. Soon enough she slides onto the bed, scooting toward me under the cover her head finding a home on my chest, my arm wrapped around her fingers idly tracing patterns on her bare skin.

"Good things don't happen to me very often, in fact hardly ever. But you are the best thing that's ever happen to me and I'm terrified I'm going to lose you. I'm terrified I'm going to say or do something that's going to push you away." I say after a couple minutes of silent debating. She doesn't say anything but her arm slides across my waist holding me close. "I don't think I'm a good person, maybe because that's what people believe or maybe it's just how I feel but I don't think I am and you Emily are the best person I've ever known. I think you deserve so much more then me, more then I could ever give you but that doesn't change the fact that I want you. I want you to the point that I'm sure it's need." I pause as I feel her shift up onto her elbow, her free arm still draped over me. It's not to dark that I can't see her staring at me, but it's too dark for me to make out the full extent of her features. Inhaling sharply I ready to continue. "I know you deserve better but I don't want to give you up, I won't and I know that makes me selfish but I don't care."

"Hey, you are not a bad person." her tone is almost angry and I can't help how my body stiffens.

"How do you know?"

"Because,"

"Because? That's not a reason," it's quiet for a moment, the weight of her arm disappears off me and I feel a rush of fear that I've said to much. Soon enough I feel her hand lightly rest on my chest over my heart the best she can without out making the touch sexual.

"This is how I know," she lowers herself back down resting against me but keeping her hand firm. "even if you don't believe it, it's okay **because** I know what's in here." she gently taps her finger tips. "I don't want to change you, I just want to **know** you."

She maneuvers her leg in between mind, getting as close to me as humanly possible. I debate telling her more, giving her what she wants but the fear causes me to hesitate. It wasn't for a good while that I was ready but by then I hear her soft, baby snore a wave of relief washing over me. Maybe I didn't need to share everything at once. Maybe she can be satisfied with a little at a time. I look at the clock, 2:17 a.m. I know I should sneak out, now would be my only chance without risking getting caught again. I look down at her, how shes positioned herself I can see her the outline of her face, my memory filling in the gaps, the desire of leaving drifting away with ever breath. I could stay for just a bit longer. Just a bit.


	17. Daring Games We Play

Chapter Seventeen : Daring Games We Play

**Sunday**

"Hey," I let out softly after a minute of watching her from the doorway for some reason this has become our thing, standing in doorways. It always seems sexy or mysterious in the movies and depending on the mood of our situation it can be—when she does it but when ever I do it just feels like I'm some creepy stalker watching my prey.

"Hey!" I can't help but giggle to myself as she slams her laptop shut, the top of her cheeks turning pink. I raise an eyebrow but stay put as I watch her nervously shift a few times. "W-what are ya' doing here?"

"Came to visit."

"Oh yeah. Duh! What else would you be doing here."

"I have a really strange question to ask but um, were you looking at porn or something cause-"

"What?! NO!" I can't help laughing at how red she's getting.

"I'm joking. I'm joking. You just seem a little—weird."

"This coming from the woman who watches me from afar." she smirks sliding off the bed. "You do know once we started dating it's aloud for you to come and talk to me," she reaches me, trapping me between the door-frame and her body. "touch me even." her eyes narrow as she presses her weight against me keeping her lips just a sliver away from mine.

"Hm," I take the last step for her, it's just a peck but it makes her blush again. "Nice try Fields." I pull back taking her hands in mine so she can't move away. She doesn't know her mother is in the yard I guess since she looks so surprised at how daring I am with us piratically in the hall. I know I should mention it so she can relax but I'm kind of enjoying this since it's usually me being the skittish one. "What were you doing?"

"Something."

"Such as?"

"Something."

"Which was?"

"Something." she lets out firmer this time while trying to pull away from me.

"But not limited to?"

"Something." she huffs out again giving a rough tug that instead of freeing herself only makes us go the few inches backward so it's now her trapped.

"Tell me."

"No."

"Tell me or-"

"Or what?" her eyebrow shoots up slightly amused, something I take as a challenge. Now if only I knew what I was threatening her with I'd be okay. Hm. Shes never this stubborn. It's not even her playful, seductive stubborn she gets or an angry stubborn it's just stubborn for the sake of being. "Or what McCullers?"

"Or I'll-"

"Do nothing." she smirks and tries to push past me and for a split second I debate calling her call of my bluff but I release my grip and let her scoot past me something I regret when she makes an almost accomplished scoff at me. "For your info," she reclaims her spot on the bed before placing the laptop down on the floor. "i was looking up my Halloween costume."

"And that was the big secret?"

"Yep."

"You're a strange one Fields." I shake my head making my way over to her, my normal spot of laying across the bottom so she can hide her feet under me. "So spill it."

"Nope. It's a secret."

"I bet the three musketeers know." I pout as she 'disapprovingly' wiggles her toes under me against the small of my back.

"Don't call them that." she tries to say seriously but her giggling gives her away. "And no they don't."

"Suuuuuuuure."

"Believe what you like. They don't."

"Aren't you a cranky one today."

"I am. Very much so."

"And why is that?"

"Cause you're being a poop-head again."

"I am so not being a poop-head. And am certainly not being one AGAIN." I argue while maneuvering myself into a half sitting position, my hands grabbing her legs just underneath the bad of her knees.

"Em I just woah!" we both turn to see Hanna at the doorway, her cheeks pink as she keeps her eyes on the floor. If she wasn't interrupting cute, playful time with Em I would have found it funny but since she was I just find it slight annoying. "Sorry."

"What are we sorry for?" I hear Aria before I see her pop up behind Hanna, and it takes a great deal to keep a polite smile on my face.

"Interrupting the love birds."

"I see that."

"I thought proper edict was to close the door and leave something on the doorknob?" this time it was time for me to blush as I drop my head so they can't see. I don't bother to look up but I feel Em throw the pillow that hits Hanna for the comment, surprisingly it actually hits her.

"Sorry I don't have as much as experience as you do." she bites back and even though her two friends chuckle at the comment it's obvious by the fake smile she didn't take it as playful.

"Obviously."

"Whoa-whoa! Whats with the catty-ness this afternoon." Aria lets out pushing past the blonde. "Everyone retract the claws."

"She started it." Em lets out semi-playfully after a second of awkward silence and Hanna just rolls her eyes but it's obvious they're letting the tension roll over. Sighing to myself I sit up and try and be pleasant, sure they did just cut into my quality time and ruin any chance of snuggle time but I did promise I would play nice so I will play nice. Doesn't mean I have to like it though.

**Monday**

"How did you even find this place?" I ask sitting on the stool at the end of the bar, my feet nervously wiggling back and forth while I play with the tiny red straw in my over priced coke.

"I assume the same way you found Joe's." she gives me a look I don't quite recognize although that may be from the fact to that I'm beyond nervous of getting caught. "Only mines better."

"You're really never going to let me live that down are you?" I huff trying to scowl at her.

"Nope. Never." she smiles sweetly and I almost relax, almost. She had kidnapped me after school and said we were taking a field trip. Oh this was definitely a field trip alright. I thought Joe's was far. It had taken over three hours to get here and the place was well—nice I guess although I'm not a bar expert I've only been to the one well two now.

This place was classier and had more of a modern feeling then an out back, country type of deal going on. Plus side? No karaoke. Down side this was the type of place they might actually check for Ids. So far we had lucked out. One other major difference about this place was the fact that there was dancing, a lot of dancing that was happening between mostly girl-girl parings. I take another drink and I can't help but realize how calm she is and how much I'm not.

"Why are you so nervous?" she whispers leaning over her shoulder pressing against mine.

"We could get caught."

"Is that it?" her eyebrow raises and it's her serious look. I swallow the lump in my throat knowing what she's asking and I don't know what to say. I don't know the answer.

"Excuse me, would you like to dance?" I look up to see the blonde asking Em completely ignoring me. I'm not going to lie she is pretty, kinda reminds me of Hanna with an older, more sultry look about her. I stare at her for a moment waiting to hear the 'no this is my girlfriend back the hell off' coming from the side of me but there is only silence. Clearing my throat I turn to Em who's eyes shift from her to me and then to her.

"Thank you but no." she shakes her head politely with a smile and maybe I'm being crazy but they seem to be sharing a moment before the girl offers later and walks off. Maybe I may be out of line here but I think there was supposed to be an acknowledgment of me being the girlfriend somewhere in the decline. I stay quite for a bit watching her drink her drink, and it's obvious the mood between us has changed. "What?"

"Nothing. Just thought you could have you know said no a little bit quicker, and added that we were together."

"Really?"

"Yeah." she turns toward me, tilting her head.

"And you could have spoken up yourself. Instead of always leaving it for me."

"I'm sorry am I missing something here?" I ask my own frustration bubbling up.

"I thought we had moved past the whole you being not okay with who you are."

"I have."

"Then."

"Emily I'm nervous because we're two under age girls far from home, somewhere we've never even been in a bar. My nervousness has nothing to do with that aspect of things." I bark out not really caring if anyone hears me. Maybe I'm lying a tad, just a bit.

"And that's it?" she stares me down and had I not been on the verge of angry I would have backed down and told her the truth.

"No. I'm now frustrated because you're getting hitted on in front of me, and you were slow with your decline."

"If you want people to know I'm yours maybe you should act like it." she huffs continuing to stare me down and I don't know how to deal with all my conflicting emotions. Jealously, frustration, guilt that I told a lie, and a slight rush of pride at her calling herself mine.

"Fine."

"Fine." she repeats me but looks unsure as I stand. "What?"

"You're always daring me. Daring me to call your bluffs and sometimes I do, most times I don't and you know I won't cause I'm shy or out of my comfort zone. Most times it's cute, sometimes sexy but—this time I'm calling yours." she looks from my hand to my eyes and then past me at the dance floor.

"Paige,"

"What?" I take a page from her book and raise a brow with a smirk. After another second she stands taking my hand and I start leading us toward the floor as I hear her mumble something about not really wanting to dace she was just trying to make a point. A point? Well so was I. A few points actually as long as I could keep my frustration level up enough to push away my shyness.

Dancing wasn't me. It wasn't for me. Dancing in front of a room full of people definitely wasn't me. The last time I attempted to I was drunk, drugged and fell down making a fool of myself but I had multiple points to make, to her, to the blonde who was talking to some other woman while looking at us and in some ways to myself. She was right in a sense I knew everyone in Rosewood and they knew me, it was a comfort zone so to speak. I was okay there but now in public in a new place I wasn't.

We're standing now in the middle of the floor, a decent amount of pairs around us. Now that we're here we're just standing here looking at one another both shy, both daring one another. The once up tempo song comes to an end and a much slower one comes over the speakers.

Hm. Maybe this won't be so bad. Maybe I can do a slow song without chickening out. All I have to do is move my feet back and forth while swaying a bit. No biggie, right?

Suddenly she catches me off guard and I feel my cheeks start to pink-en as she steps into me, her hands rest on the bottom of my shoulder blades. Hm. More of a friend stance she is taking. Interesting. I throw my arms over her shoulders. It's not so bad. At least from a 'not-embarrassing-myself' dancing stand point. Not yet anyway.

My breath hitches as I happen to look up and our eyes meet. I'm trying my hardest to avoid all contact with her. Physical. Eye. Everything. But it never works and I know shes caught me by the self-assured grin she has covering her lips now. Sometimes she can be so cocky it's ridiculous and frustrating and sexy like everything with her. She has this accomplishment written over her beautiful features knowing she was the one who took the first step. She thinks shes won.

"You okay, McCullers?" she asks softly, her voice low and husky but it's just for show. I've heard it enough to know the difference between the husky to intimidate me and the actual genuineness.

"Fine." I'm lying. But she doesn't need to know that. "You?"

"Perfect." she says through her stunning smile and I feel the butterflies in my stomach start to go wild. I let my gaze fall back to the floor. She lets her hands ever so gently slide down to the middle of my back and steps in just a little more. It wasn't meant to be sexual but that didn't matter. She didn't need to do anything for my body to react. For my heart to react. Honestly just the thought of her could do it.

"Good." Just keep calm. Just keep calm. I repeat to myself a few more times. I know shes got me, shes won this game we were playing. But then again she always does. I'm looking past her now I see the blonde roll her eyes and look away. Ha! I can also see the floor is filling up even more and I can see all of them, but I don't really SEE them. All I really see is her. Her delicate hands fall to the small of my back now and she takes the last step in. Her embrace is tight and possessive yet gentle all at the same time. Shes resting her head against mine, with her lips just centimeters from my ear.

"I love you." she whispers ever so softly, it's piratically inaudible. Immediately my heart speeds up. There is no point in faking it now. Honestly I can't even if I tried. Everything is far to much. Her embrace. Her scent. I can feel her warm breath on my neck and it sends shivers down my spine as I let my eyes close. I take a deep breath trying to calm myself. She couldn't have said that. No like I said the whisper was piratically inaudible she probably didn't say anything and that was just what I wanted to hear.

"I l-" I inhale sharply and rethink what I'm about to say. It would be romantic. The setting was amazing. It is our first dance together, well proper one any way. And to top it off it's to an unusually slow song that seems to fit us ever so perfectly. It would be one of those moments that ten years down the line after you've had a massive fight and your taking time apart to cool down and then your mind wanders onto a memory like this and you can't help but smile and think how much of a fairy tale moment it was. "I-I-" I let out trying again while pulling back and come to stop, letting my hands fall to my sides. Shes looking at me in confusion. With a hint of upset. I don't blame her, we don't get many moments like this, especially if she really did just say that. But her expression softens a little when I take her hands in mine and now she looks worried.

My mouth opens but I can't find the words. I look up at the ceiling the are lights actually what I'm focusing on. I can feel her panic start to rise and I look back down at her again. I smile and go to speak again. But the song comes to an end replaced with a much faster one, and we just stand there looking at one another, silent both daring one another once again. I wanted to tell her 'I love you too' but I can't be sure she said it. I can't and I can't handle it if I say it and she doesn't say it back. So instead of saying anything we just stand here in our own little world saying nothing.


	18. Bitter Sweet

"Where are we going?" it comes out in a giggling whisper as I find myself being pulled down the dark, narrow hall. "Em?"

"You'll see," she looks over her shoulder just enough that I can see her smirk accompanied by a wink. God she's sexy. And if she wasn't so sexy I would be pressing the subject a bit more but she is that sexy so—topic dropped.

It's all so exciting, being here with her who's obviously in one of her daring moods on this only semi-crowded train. Outside of town, away from all the drama of our lives. Just me and her. She stops suddenly and I of course being clumsy, uncoordinated me run right into her. She doesn't seem to mind as one arm skillfully reaches behind herself to rest on my lower back the best she can while the other pushes open the random door we found ourselves in front of.

"Much better." her smirk turns into a smile while she maneuvers herself to face me.

"Why Mrs. Fields if I didn't know any better I'd think you were up to something-"

"Romantic? Charming?"

"Devious?"

"Aw, why does it it have to be bad?" her lips puff out into a pout as she leans against the wall.

"I was going to say sinister but-" her jaw drops as she playfully swats me on the arm.

"You are so mean to me."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes." slowly the quite laughs die out, and the smiles fade and we find ourselves in silence. I always hate when this happens. Sometimes the silence is a gift, we're just there in a moment able to enjoy just being together. Able to admire her beauty, able to admire her. But then there were times like this where it wouldn't even be described as awkward. There was just a sadness to it, a longing. These moments were the ones I feared, and I wish I could say they were few and far between but there not. I wish I could say I knew when it was going to happen or it was at an appropriate time but it hardly ever is. Kinda like getting hit by a bus, you never really see it. "What are you thinking?" I just shake my head lazily and avoid her gaze.

"What are you thinking?" she mimics me.

I sigh to myself shaking my head again. Here I was standing in front of Emily who is beautiful and sexy all the time but here she is in that—that umm, well polite way of thinking about it is a costume that would get anyone's heart racing. She's snuck us off all alone, it's just me and her but all I can think about is this silence. All of our unspoken words. Unspoken issues, fears.

I feel a soft poke on my stomach bringing me back to reality, my eyes moving from the wall to my stomach as I watch her gently poke me again. Shes smiling now that million dollar smile, her hands moving to my hips holding me firmly. I can't help but return the smile, my eyes locking with her's, it's amazing even in the darkness her eyes still have a sparkle.

Shaking off the gloomy thoughts I lean in stealing a kiss, she struggles to pout again but her smile getting the best of her as I pull away just a bit to pull down the shade, after all the would be awkward to have someone walk by and see us—well see us kissing. Not really something you'd wanna peep in on, not to exciting—to see, very exciting to be doing.

"I like this."

"Travel is so romantic."

"You know we could just stay on board. Tell them to keep going. Never stop." now it's her turn to have an underlining tone. I know I should focus on there semi-seriousness of her comment, or the fact that she is semi-serious now but I can't help but feel happy. Happy that shes including me in this little running away plan of hers. Taking advantage of the moment my lips find a home on hers, it's chaste as most of ours our but amazing none the less.

"What?" she asks when I pull away, taking off the slightly annoying part of my costume. Note to self, not a hat person.

"I'm just looking at you." letting the hat drop to the floor, I take her hands back in mine taking a step in closer to her. "Sometimes I'm still amazed that you're with me."

"I'm amazed that you're with me."

"You mean to tell me somethings actually do work out alright."

"Sometimes. When no ones looking, yeah. Things work out." her smile is from ear to ear, her eyes locked with mine as the rest of the world melts away. Everything before, everything around us just vanishes.

"Tell me about love on your planet." dorky? Maybe but it keeps the smile on her face so I don't mind. I wait expecting her to tell me I'm goofy, or dorky or have one of her snarky yet sweet quips but instead she drops my hands, and surprised me with an amazing kiss. I, Paige McCullers am the luckiest girl in the world. Yep, no doubt about it.

* * *

I sit silently listening to her as she continues to tell me about Mona, about A. About what's happening right now. Right at this very moment, on this suddenly very small train that's outside of town. My eyes found the floor after the second couple of lines in her inclusive speech. I swallow the lump in my throat for the fifth or sixth or maybe seventh time I've lost count.

I know shes nervous by the way she says certain words, how she won't sit. The way she shifts her weight from side to side. I can tell there are still things shes keeping by the way she stops every so often and pauses as though she has to think about what is okay to say and what isn't. I don't know if I should be focusing on that, that even now when she is 'coming clean' shes still hiding. Still lying. Should I be focusing on that? Or what's going? Maybe both.

Well I guess-I don't know what I guess. I don't know what to think when your girlfriend tells you _'hey there is a crazy person and/or persons on the train trying to kill—sorry harm us_.' she was specific not to use the word kill. Then decided to go on as if that wasn't a big enough pill to swallow, _'it's probably Mona who tortured me and my friends under the convert name A for over a year. Oh and yeah there is a whole conspiracy that I'll give you the clif-notes to the clif-notes now cause there isn't enough time in the night to explain the whole thing.' _

Yeah, I just don't know how to process all of that. I was completely sure up until a few minutes ago creepy, fake cousin Nate or—whatever the hell his name was, was the worst thing in town. That this whole people trying to harm us, and more importantly her, was over. I was moving on past it, not perfectly but moving on none the less. But nope. Apparently he is not even the worst thing Rosewood has to offer.

"Paige-?" her face is soft, beautiful features plagued by worry. Taking a deep breath I try and push everything out of my head other then the fact that she needs my help. She the woman I love is in trouble and I need to help her. Nodding, I force a half smile.

"Of course," what kind of girlfriend would I be if I left her alone in a time of need? "Love on your planet is dangerous," it's a whisper, it's meant to be gentle. Make her smile, make her ease a bit but that underlining tone in our words returns. She smiles briefly but it's not what I was aiming for, it was a brief affirmation, a silent 'I know'

* * *

"Thank you,"

"Huh?" I turn to the source of the words, my eyes for the first time pealing themselves away from Emily in the distance. True I wasn't actually watching her, I had drift into my own thoughts again but still. "I'm sorry?"

"I-i wanted to thank you again." I just shake my head, unable to really plant myself in reality. They had finally let us off the train, the cool breeze chilled my skin but I appreciated it. Made me know that this was real. I can hear the remaining officers in the background, faintly hear Em checking on where her mom was. Explaining that she would have to take me since they couldn't get a hold of my parents, Spencer's mother arranged that otherwise it was a night in the station for me. Aria and Ezra were first to leave from 'our' group and then Hanna. Jason had followed his sister's body, and the rest just drifted away. I stopped paying attention. A crack of thunder makes me jump and I hope she doesn't see.

"It's fine." guess that's what she wants since she isn't leaving.

"No. Really. I mean it would have been easy under the circumstances-with our—history to just-"

"Let the crazed person murder you?" Really? You think cause we aren't bff's I'd stand by and let you get murdered?

"I just meant—I didn't mean—I don't do this often. I don't apologize often because I don't make many mistakes and even the ones I do—well it's a Heistings thing. And I rarely find myself in a position where I need to thank someone."

"It's fine." this must be killing her. Ha. I would have probably enjoyed this on so many levels had it been under any other situation. But there was no humor in this, no room for gloating or childish I told you so. A man was dead, Aria almost died, Spencer almost died. Allison's drug up, stolen body was just tossed onto the floor in front of her brother. We're surrounded by police and ambulances again. A thousand questions being asked with no answers.

_The _Spencer Heistings was apologizing to me, and thanking me. Humbled for the second time, a moment anyone in Rosewood would have celebrated, a moment I should have been celebrating the 'leader' of my girlfriend's 'pack' was giving an ounce of approval but at the moment it meant nothing. Not with the events that just happen, not with what I know now. I wanted to know, I wanted to know what Emily was hiding from me, what kept her so tied to these girls. Kept her so tied to the memory of Allison. Well now I have it, most of it anyway. Funny how something you wanted so bad can come at such a bitter sweet price.

"I'm all good. Your mother said she'd give me a ride." Toby comes up behind her, his lips curled in a soft smile as he extends his hand to her. He nods to me and I return it, not one to be rude even though there's something off about him. Maybe it's just me but anyone who's to perfect I don't trust. I've learned the hard way in this life nothing is perfect. And he just always seems so—perfect. So Superman always swooping in to save the day and make everything better. Or maybe it's just me and the overwhelming amount of cynicism that has seemed to find a home in me.

"She'll be here in a minute. The cops have the turn blocked," she pauses sitting down next to me hands buried deep in my jacket pockets as she pulls the material closer to her body.

"Okay."

"I-Paige-"

"Don't." I didn't mean it to be a silencing word, but meant to or not that's how it came out. Taking a deep breath as I see her mother pull up and she almost jumps up. I guess I hurt her feelings. I stand too, my hand holding her arm lightly to hold her in place since I would have bet anything she would have dashed toward the car given the opportunity. "I-I just meant you don't have to. You don't owe me an apology and you don't have to make excuses or—or anything. I understand."

"Really?" she looks at me with a look I haven't seen in a year. That beaten, broke, hurt, wishful, hoping look she gave me when she was trusting me to be brave for her, for us.

"Yes." It's a lie. My first real lie to her in a long time. I don't understand. And I'm not okay.


	19. There Was A Time

A.N. Yellow, everyone just wanted to say thank you to those of you who review and thank you to those who are reading. Sorry about last chap I went back and added dividers, I believe that was the first time I had a chap where the events really just went one after another so I thought the spaces I added would be enough, turns out FF doesn't keep em' so sorry about that. Hope everyone is well, and of course R&R :)

**Chapter Nineteen : There Was A Time**

"So-"

"So?"

"Well not that I don't love just being around you but I was kinda expecting maybe a word or a sentence." she looks over at me her inquisitive smile playing at the corners of her lips. "Possibly two or three."

"Cute."

"Well—that's a word." her soft, tiny hand slides back into mine fingertips lightly tapping the outside of hand. I steal a glance and it's hard to tell if she's nervous or just feeling awkward, I wouldn't blame her if it was the later I haven't really been the most open, welcoming girlfriend lately. "Want to try a sentence now?" she nudges me and I can't help the slight smile that escapes.

"Um I don't know, a whole sentence?"

"Cute." she mimics me as her eyebrow shoots up. Shes trying to look annoyed but she's not. Not with the way she continues to hold my hand and lean into me so much that if I wasn't prepared I probably would have tripped.

"Every once and a while I can be."

"Every once and a while?"

"Yeah. Once and a while I get lucky and am able to pull it off."

"Are we talking about the same you, cause I think you're cute ninety-five percent of the time."

"Ninety-five?" this time it's my eyebrow that shoots up, when was this five percent where she didn't? Hm, maybe it's when I tried to drown her and hide the fact we were together. Yeah that's probably it. Good going McCullers, shouldn't have asked but then again that's just me. Asking questions you don't really want the answers to.

"Yep. You get five points knocked off-"

"Wait points? I thought we were going on a percent system here?"

"Same difference." she rolls her eyes and playfully nudges me again. "As I was saying before being so rudely interrupted. You get five **percent **knocked off when you decide to ignore me."

"I haven't been ignoring you."

"Uh, yes you have. For over a week now."

"No." it's a lie. "We've just both been on lock down and with school and you working. And I—I'm still trying to bring my math grades up and-yeah."

"Practice that long did you?"

"No." Once or twice, sounded a lot better in my head. "Em, I haven't been ignoring you."

"You know if you are thinking about-" she gently guides us to a stop across the street from the Brew, her grip on my hand loosening as she begins to start looking away from me. "If you don't want to be together anymore then-"

"Emily." I'm sure I sounded like a pouting child when I say her name but it's makes her bring her eyes up to mine. "I'm not ignoring you and I don't want to breakup with you. I never want that."

"Okay."

"Okay?" I try my best to sound sweet and reassuring as I take her free hand too, pulling her closer to me.

"Okay." she giggles softly and rolls her eyes while leaning up and giving me a quick kiss. "So tonight?"

"Yep."

"You're not gonna get busy right?" she asks as she starts walking backward into the street, something the makes my heart speed up and not in a good way. True in Rosewood during school hours no one really goes above fifteen so they could stop before getting near her but still. She tends to have horrible luck when it comes to situations of the danger kind.

"Watch where you're going Em,"

"Not till you promise."

"I promise." she tilts her head to the side in her 'see I did it' type of way as she reaches the curb. Thank God safely. I mouth the words again earning myself a smile before she turns and heads into work, I'm sure she's late now but it doesn't seem to bother her. Nothing does really.

* * *

"A—are you feeling better?" her words are a whisper so soft I almost miss them. She started that sentence so many times in the past few minutes but this is the first time she's finished it.

I swallow the lump in my throat, ignore the turning in my stomach and trying to forget the tightness in my chest and just focus on her. Focus on how shes holding my hand, how her skin feels against mine. Focus on how when the wind blows I can smell her subtly sweet scent. There was a time when just seeing her made everything fade away, made me excited and calm all at the same time. Just the thought of her could take the worst pain away. And now—now it's not so easy.

I don't know what to say. I feel horrible I've ruined her night, our night it's been so long since it was just us away from everyone and everything. I feel horrible I'm not the girl she thought I was. I'm not impervious, I'm not even strong now I'm just—I'm just a scared little girl. There was a time when I thought if I could survive years of Allison's torture I could survive anything but now it takes a ten minute pep-talk to myself just to go to school.

There's so much I want to tell her. So much I want to say but how? How do I tell her? How can I? I don't even have a right to be upset I asked. I asked and wanted for so long to know, how can I be-this is what I wanted. Taking another deep breath I nudge her softly.

"I'm fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Really. It just—that was the worst panic attack I've had. I'm okay now. Being here with you and the air helps."

"Glad to be of service." she smiles at first but it quickly fades, as does mine. There's something in her words that were cold. It's obvious she regrets it but it hurt none the less. "I didn't mean it lik-"

"I know. Come on, we should be getting back."

"I really didn't."

"Em, I had a panic attack I didn't suddenly become made of glass." I force a chuckle, if only it were true.

"I know."

* * *

"What are you doing?" I ask in a dry whisper as my eyes open to half mass to find her on her side staring down at me obviously more awake then I am.

"You were stirring."

"I woke you?"

"No. No. I had to go to the bathroom." she is a horrible lair. "I was just laying back down and you sounded like you were having a bad dream so i-"

"Decided to stair at me creepily?" it was meant to be a joke but maybe the whispering or the huskiness of my still sleep filled voice made it sound like a serious question. A question that seemed to make her be taken back slightly. "It's sweet."

"My creepy staring?"

"Yes. Your creepy staring." I roll onto my back before reaching my half-asleep arm out for her. She hesitates for a second and my mind starts to wake completely, worry returning. The nights events coming back to the front of my thoughts the once calm, bliss I was in quickly vanishing.

"What made you kiss me that night?" she asks as her hand takes mine.

"Which night? I've kissed you plenty of times." I turn my head to give her wink but she looks serious, not super serious as if somethings wrong just like shes been up for a while thinking about things. "I don't know Em, I suddenly got a rush of courage. I regret it."

"You do?" her head lifts.

"Yeah well not like-" I shake my head, great job Paige like you haven't made a big enough mess tonight. "I mean I don't regret kissing you. I just wish that those few seconds of courage would have came at different time. Like where it was more romantic. Where it could have been one of those kisses you're thinking about later that night. Not just me busting into your car and attacking you."

"You did kinda." she giggles and I can't help but smirk. "I did though."

"What?" it had been so long since she spoke I was sure she had fallen asleep.

"It was one of those kisses that made me think about it later, and the day after. And after and after, even now."

"Well that doesn't say much for me if that's the only kiss you think about." she giggles again as I find a pillow landing on my stomach. Shes getting much better at this aim thing soon I may have to start worrying.

"Sometimes it feels like so long ago. Like we were two different people."

"Yeah,"

"Goodnight Paige." she says through a yawn.

"Night Em," I roll back onto my side, her eyes are closed but shes not going to sleep, not anytime soon. Her features are to stern, and the cover is off of her something that was a no-no if she was going to sleep, she always had to have some type of cover occasionally I got lucky and she'd use me. But if she needed time to think I understand. I certainly understand needing time.


End file.
